'; leftoff='
'; rightoff='
");
possibly("We didn't have any room for the 7th floor in the building, so we put it in the building next door. So now it has two 7th floors, which is a very interesting thing to know if you ever go there--which you probably won't, 'cause the building next door is false. "," Don Adams as Maxwell Smart in Get Smart ");
possibly("I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. "," Douglas Adams ");
possibly("Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. "," George Ade ");
possibly("It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. "," Alfred Adler ");
possibly("Any excuse will serve a tyrant. "," Aesop ");
possibly("We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. "," Aesop ");
possibly("I'm not very keen for doves or hawks. I think we need more owls. "," Senator George Aiken, on the Vietnam war, January 1966 ");
possibly("Don't worry about people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats. "," Howard Aiken ");
possibly("A man sometimes devotes his life to a desire which he is not sure will ever be fulfilled. Those who laugh at this folly are, after all, no more than mere spectators of life. "," Ryunosuke Akutagawa ");
possibly("Money is the root of all evil, and yet it is such a useful root that we cannot get on without it any more than we can without potatoes. "," Louisa May Alcott ");
possibly("There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle. "," Robery Alden ");
possibly("A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on. "," Fred Allen ");
possibly("It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it. "," Henry Allen ");
possibly("I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("Yes, that was Richard Nixon. He used to be President. When he left the White House, the Secret Service would count the silverware. "," Woody Allen, Sleeper ");
possibly("I'm not afraid of dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("If you steal ideas from one source, that's plagiarism, but if you steal ideas from more than one source, that's research. "," Laurendo Almeida, Brazilian guitarist. ");
possibly("The shortest distance between two points is under construction. "," Noelie Altito ");
possibly("Language is the means of getting an idea from my brain into yours without surgery. "," Mark Amidon of Elbows ");
possibly("If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid. "," Amphibious Warfare Review, Spring '89 ");
possibly("Try to look unimportant because the bad guys may be low on ammo. "," Amphibious Warfare Review, Spring '89 ");
possibly("Paradise is exactly like where you are right now...only much, much better "," L. Anderson ");
possibly("We don't claim the items here are of any use. If you think they are -- great, but it's up to you to decide. If they don't work -- tough. If you lose millions of dollars because something here doesn't work -- tough. If you don't like this disclaimer -- tough. We reserve the right to do the absolute minimum provided by law -- up to and including nothing. This is basically the same disclaimer that comes with a large number of software packages but this is in plain English and the rest are in legalese. We didn't really want to include any disclaimer at all but our lawyers made us. "," Disclaimer on Andrew anonymous ftp ");
possibly("What are you doing?; Writing free verse.; You don't even have to compile that, do you? "," Mark Andy and Elliott Evans ");
possibly("When your ship comes in, make sure you are willing to unload it. "," Robert Anthony ");
possibly("The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, 'Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days.' Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the Sun, so we can ignore that... The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much heat as the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (H/E)^4 = 50, where E is the absolute temperature of the earth (-300K), gives H as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell cannot be computed... [However] Revelations 21:8 says 'But the fearful, and unbelieving... shall have their part in the lake whic "," Applied Optics vol. 11, A14, 1972 ");
possibly("I love the smell of napalm in the morning. It smells like... victory! "," Apocalypse Now ");
possibly("Give, expecting nothing thereof "," St. Thomas Aquinas ");
possibly("On the day of victory no one is tired. "," Arab proverb ");
possibly("A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. "," Mark Ardis ");
possibly("Only the hypocrite is really rotten to the core. "," Hannah Arendt. ");
possibly("Man by nature wants to know. "," Aristotle ");
possibly("The gods are too fond of a joke. "," Aristotle ");
possibly("Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. "," Aristotle ");
possibly("It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. "," Issac Asimov ");
possibly("The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but That's funny... "," Isaac Asimov ");
possibly("When, however, the lay public rallies round an idea that is denounced by distinguished but elderly scientists and supports that idea with great fevor and emotion--the distinguished but elderly scientists are then, after all, probably right. "," Isaac Asimov ");
possibly("I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. "," Isaac Asimov ");
possibly("When someone tells you something defies description, you can be pretty sure he's going to have a go at it anyway. "," Clyde B. Aster ");
possibly("A lady in waiting must learn to wait. "," John Astin as Gomez, The Addams Family ");
possibly("The Pimpernel is the most over-rated human being since Judas Iscariot won the A.D.31 'Best Disciple' competition "," Rowan Atkinson in Blackadder ");
possibly("Never believe anything until it's officially denied. "," Margaret Atwood ");
possibly("The art of living is more like wrestling than dancing. "," Marcus Aurelius ");
possibly("The danger from computers is not that they will eventually get as smart as men, but that we will meanwhile agree to meet them halfway. "," Bernard Avishai ");
possibly("On two occasions I have been asked [by members of Parliament!], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question. "," Charles Babbage ");
possibly("There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. "," J. S. Bach ");
possibly("Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man "," Francais Bacon ");
possibly("Age appears best in four things: old wood to burn, old wine to drink, old friends to trust, and old authors to read. "," Francis Bacon ");
possibly("He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils; for time is the greatest innovator. "," Sir Francis Bacon ");
possibly("Trying to be a first-rate reporter on the average American newspaper is like trying to play Bach's St. Matthew Passion on a ukelele. "," Bagdikian's Observation ");
possibly("I want to find a voracious, small-minded predator and name it after the IRS. "," Robert Bakker, paleontologist ");
possibly("Behind every great fortune there is a crime. "," Honore de Balzac ");
possibly("Be regular and orderly in your life, that you may be violent and original in your work. "," Clive Barker, Jihad ");
possibly("Every crowd has a silver lining. "," Phineas Taylor Barnum ");
possibly("For three hundred years flutists tried to play in tune. Then they gave up and invented vibrato. "," George Barrere ");
possibly("Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet. "," Dave Barry ");
possibly("It may be meaningless, but at least it's a gesture. "," Dave Barry ");
possibly("Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. "," John Barrymore's dying words ");
possibly("Be suspicious of anything that works perfectly -- it's probably because two errors are canceling each other out. "," Dave Bartley ");
possibly("Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. "," R. S. Barton ");
possibly("Half the work that is done in the world is to make things appear what they are not. "," E. R. Beadle ");
possibly("Love thy neighbour as yourself, but choose your neighbourhood. "," Louise Beal ");
possibly("You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the struggle for independence. "," C.A. Beard ");
possibly("It's so fast, it can do an infinite loop in thirty seconds. "," Brian Bechtel of Apple Computer on the Macintosh IIfx ");
possibly("But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. "," Hilaire Belloc ");
possibly("A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. "," Robert Benchley ");
possibly("Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. "," Robert Benchley ");
possibly("As for me, except for the occaisional heart attack, I feel as young as I ever did. "," Robert Benchley ");
possibly("Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. "," John Benfield ");
possibly("That's the problem with tragedies. After the first chapter, you know the dick-ass is gonna die because he's not perfect! "," Ed Bennett ");
possibly("I have made mistakes, but have never made the mistake of claiming I never made one. "," James G. Bennet ");
possibly("It is difficult for me to comprehend the fact that some people actually do not consider all uses of explosives to be recreational. "," Ragnar Benson ");
possibly("People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. "," Jon Bentley ");
possibly("There is only one sin in this world, and you have definately committed it: It is the Sin of Not Understanding Humor When It Slaps You Upside The Head. "," Pete Berger ");
possibly("There's no need for flames in response to a comment, no matter how hostile the comment was delivered. "," Peter Glen Berger, 3/19/88, andrew.gripes ");
possibly("Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself. "," John Bernal ");
possibly("The experimenter who does not know what he is looking for will not understand what he finds. "," Claude Bernard ");
possibly("...to raise a signal means to turn the light on; ... Responding to a signal means turning the light off (and, under System V, hoping the bulb won't blow when it's next turned on)... "," Dan Bernstein ");
possibly("LZW compression takes under five lines of APL. " + leftoff + righton + " Dan Bernstein" + rightoff + lefton + "The entire description of the world takes only five lines of APL. "," Mike Waters ");
possibly("Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum (I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.) "," Ambrose Bierce ");
possibly("Brain: an apparatus with which we think we think. "," Ambrose Bierce ");
possibly("Early one June morning in 1872 I murdered my father- and act which made a deep impression on me at the time. "," Ambrose Bierce ");
possibly("To be positive: To be mistaken at the top of one's voice. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Admiration, n: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("There are four types of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy. "," Ambrose Bierce ");
possibly("The employer generally gets the employees he deserves. "," Walter Bilbey ");
possibly("Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius. "," Josh Billings ");
possibly("With a gentleman I try to be a gentleman and a half, and with a fraud I try to be a fraud and a half. "," Otto von Bismark ");
possibly("As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so. "," Bizarro ");
possibly("True, money _can't_ buy happiness, but it isn't happiness I want. It's money. "," Bizarro ");
possibly("Never before have I encountered such corrupt and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the Church? "," Black Adder II ");
possibly("The Bible doesn't forbid suicide. It's Catholic directive, intended to slow down their loss of martyrs. "," Ellen Blackstone ");
possibly("The fool sees not the same tree that the wise man sees. "," William Blake ");
possibly("Most human problems can be solved by an appropriate charge of high explosive. "," Blaster, Uncommon Valor ");
possibly("If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. "," Derek Blok ");
possibly("Given a choice between two theories, take the one which is funnier. "," Blore's Razor ");
possibly("The last time somebody said, `I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, `They used to say the same thing about drugs.' "," Roy Blount, Jr. ");
possibly("If it weren't for my lawyer, I'd still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. "," Mister Boffo ");
possibly("An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field. "," Niels Bohr ");
possibly("The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. "," Bohr ");
possibly("Your theory is crazy, but it's not crazy enough to be true. "," Niels Bohr to a young physicist ");
possibly("Anything a human being does to a LaRouche follower is justifiable on the grounds of self-defense. "," Kevin Bold ");
possibly("Stupidity is evil waiting to happen. "," Clay Bond ");
possibly("Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some hire public relations officers. "," Daniel J. Boorstin ");
possibly("The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. "," Nathaniel Borenstein ");
possibly("If God has made the world a perfect mechanism, He has at least conceded so much to our imperfect intellect that in order to predict little parts of it, we need not solve innumerable differential equations, but can use dice with fair success. "," Max Born ");
possibly("There is no substitute for excellence-not even success. "," Thomas Boswell ");
possibly("You can neither win nor lose if you don't run the race "," Bowie ");
possibly("The human race likes to give itself airs. One good volcano can produce more greenhouse gases in a year than the human race has in its entire history. "," Ray Bradbury ");
possibly("Without libraries what have we? We have no past and no future. "," Ray Bradbury ");
possibly("If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in. "," Bradley's Bromide ");
possibly("Once a new technology rolls over you, if you're not part of the steamroller, you're part of the road..... "," Stuart Brand, The Media Lab ");
possibly("The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. "," Justice Louis D. Brandeis ");
possibly("Documentation is like sex; when it's good, it's very, very good, and when it's bad, it's better than nothing "," Dick Brandon ");
possibly("Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. "," Leonard Brandwein ");
possibly("I don't trust him. We're friends. "," Bertolt Brecht ");
possibly("Why be a man when you can be a success? "," Bertold Brecht ");
possibly("Grub first, then ethics. "," Bertolt Brecht ");
possibly("My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("All I want is a warm bed and a kind word and unlimited power "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("The time for action is past! Now is the time for senseless bickering! "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("Sometimes I need what only you can provide - Your absence. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("I'm perfectly willing to be judged. But only by God and history. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story . "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("It's said that 'power corrupts', but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. When they do act, they think of it as service, which has limits. The tyrant, though, seeks mastery, for which he is insatiable, implacable. "," David Brin, The Postman ");
possibly("The crux... is that the vast majority of the mass of the universe seems to be missing. "," William J. Broad ");
possibly("It's immature and silly, but then again -- so is high school. "," Mathew Broderick in Ferris Bueller's Day Off ");
possibly("Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. "," Bellamy Brooks ");
possibly("Observe that for the programmer, as for the chef, the urgency of the patron may govern the scheduled completion of the task, but it cannot govern the actual completion. An omelette, promised in two minutes, may appear to be progressing nicely. But when it has not set in two minutes, the customer has two choices -- wait or eat it raw. Software customers have had the same choices. "," Frederick P. Brooks, Jr, _The Mythical Man-Month_ ");
possibly("Look at Jewish history. Unrelieved lamenting would be intolerable. So, for every ten Jews beating their breasts, God designated one to be crazy and amuse the breast-beaters. By the time I was five I knew I was that one. "," Mel Brooks ");
possibly("We don't inherit the earth from our ancestors, we borrow it from our children. "," David Brower ");
possibly("I'm against any law that I wouldn't break if I could get away with it. "," A. Whitney Brown ");
possibly("A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer. "," A. Whitney Brown ");
possibly("That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you. "," A. Whitney Brown ");
possibly("He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. "," John Mason Brown, drama critic ");
possibly("I don't understand why you make such a big deal out of everything...haven't you learned; if it's not happenning to me it's not important? "," Murphy Brown ");
possibly("All things are artificial, for nature is the art of God. "," Thomas Browne ");
possibly("The long habit of living indisposith us to dying. "," Sir Thomas Browne ");
possibly("And remember, no matter where you go, there you are. "," Buckaroo Banzai ");
possibly("Put yourself in Hamlet's shoes. Suppose you were a prince, and you came back from college to discover that your uncle had murdered your father and married your mother, and you fell in love with a beautiful girl and mistakenly murdered her father, and then she went crazy and drowned herself. What would you do?; Go back for a masters? "," Art Buchwald and student ");
possibly("I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would affront your intelligence. "," William F. Buckley, Jr. ");
possibly("I would sooner live in a society governed by the first two thousand names in the Boston telephone directory than in a society governed by the two thousand faculty members of Harvard University. "," William F. Buckley, Jr. ");
possibly("There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth: (1) not going all the way; and (2) not starting. "," Buddha ");
possibly("This will be the greatest thing for labor relations since the Cat o' Nine Tails!!! "," Charles Montgomery Burns ");
possibly("Nature teaches more than she preaches. There are no sermons in stones. It is easier to get a spark than a moral. "," John Burroughs ");
possibly("The only way to deal with exploiters is to terrorize the bastards. "," The late Congressmember Phillip Burton ");
possibly("The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself "," Sir Richard F. Burton ");
possibly("I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. "," George Bush ");
possibly("All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. "," Samuel Butler ");
possibly("We think as we do, mainly because other people think so. "," Samuel Butler ");
possibly("The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too. "," Samuel Butler ");
possibly("A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are worth committing. "," Samuel Butler ");
possibly("The country that draws a broad line between its fighting men and its thinking men will find its fighting done by fools and its thinking done by cowards. "," Sir William F. Butler ");
possibly("Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. "," James F. Byrnes ");
possibly("The optimist proclaims that we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears this is true. "," Branch Cabell, The Silver Stallion ");
possibly("When I give food to the poor, they call me a saint. When I ask why the poor have no food, they call me a communist. "," Dom Helder Camara ");
possibly("Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. "," Henry N. Camp ");
possibly("[A computer is] like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy. "," Joseph Campbell ");
possibly("You know what charm is: a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question. "," Albert Camus ");
possibly("You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun. "," Al Capone ");
possibly("Nobody controls his own life. The best you can do is choose to be controlled by good pepole, By pepole who love you. "," Orson Scott Card, Ender's Game ");
possibly("Weather forecast for tonight: dark. "," George Carlin ");
possibly("I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect. "," George Carlin ");
possibly("Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they? "," George Carlin ");
possibly("May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. "," George Carlin ");
possibly("All that Mankind has done, thought, gained or been, it is lying as in magic preservation in the pages of books. They are the choicest possessions of men. "," Thomas Carlyle ");
possibly("Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain - and most fools do. "," Dale Carnegie ");
possibly("Start at the Beginning, go through till the End, then stop. "," Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland ");
possibly("Contrariwise, continued Tweedledee, if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic! "," Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland ");
possibly("I'll leave the anarchists alone since they usually shoot back. The liberals wring their hands so much that they make easy moving targets. "," Capt. Pat Carroll, USAF ");
possibly("Liberals are an easy target. They're so soft and furry, and they make lovely pleading noises when trod on. "," Patrick Carroll ");
possibly("As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaningful vision of human life - so I became a scientist. This is like becoming an archbishop so you can meet girls. "," M. Cartmill ");
possibly("The problem with political jokes is they get elected. "," Henry Cate VII ");
possibly("After I'm dead I'd rather people ask why I have no monument than why I have one. "," Cato the Elder ");
possibly("...Editors are, in my opinion, a low form of life, inferior to viruses and only slightly above academic deans "," D. Causey, Crimes in Scientific Editing ");
possibly("I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I speak the truth, and they never believe me. "," Conte Camillo Benso di Cavour ");
possibly("The poetry of heroism appeals irresitably to those who don't go to a war, and even more so to those whom the war is making enormously wealthy. "," Celine. ");
possibly("Too much sanity may be madness. And maddest of all, to see life as it is and not as it should be! "," Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote ");
possibly("Let us say that I despise stupidity. Especially when it masquerades as virtue. "," Miguel de Cervantes, Don Quixote ");
possibly("Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. "," Miguel de Cervantes ");
possibly("When thou art at Rome, do as they do at Rome "," Miguel de Cervantes ");
possibly("In a country as big as the United States, you can find fifty examples of anything. "," Jeffery F. Chamberlain ");
possibly("It was a blonde, a blonde to make a bishop kick a hole in a stained glass window. "," Raymond Chandler ");
possibly("What doesn't kill me better be able to run damn fast "," Rich Chandler ");
possibly("In the end, everything is a gag. "," Charlie Chaplin ");
possibly("Name me an emperor who was ever struck by a cannonball. "," Charles V ");
possibly("Be wiser than other people, if you can, but do not tell them so. "," Lord Chesterfield ");
possibly("An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is only an adventure wrongly considered. "," G. K. Chesterton ");
possibly("I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. "," G. K. Chesterton ");
possibly("Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel. "," G. K. Chesterton ");
possibly("The doctrine of human equality reposes on this: that there is no man really clever who has not found that he is stupid. "," G. K. Chesterton ");
possibly("Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. "," G. K. Chesterton ");
possibly("A man must love a thing very much if he not only practises it without any hope of fame and money, but even practises it without any hope of doing it well. "," G. K. Chesterton ");
possibly("To have a right to do a thing is not at all the same as to be right in doing it "," G.K.Chesterton ");
possibly("Old age is not so bad when you consider the alternatives. "," Maurice Chevalier ");
possibly("Truth: the most deadly weapon ever discovered by humanity. Capable of destroying entire perceptual sets, cultures, and realities. Outlawed by all governments everywhere. Possession is normally punishable by death. "," Richard Childers ");
possibly("May your fondest wish be granted. "," Traditional Chinese Curse ");
possibly("He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. "," Old Chinese saying ");
possibly("If you must play, decide upon three things at the start: The rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time. "," Chinese proverb ");
possibly("I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Some regard private enterprise as if it were a predatory tiger to be shot. Others look upon it as a cow that they can milk. Only a handful see it for what it really is-the strong horse the pulls the whole cart. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Many men stumble across the truth, but most manage to pick themselves up and continue as if nothing had happened. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("If this principle of giving up without a fight any place you cannot be sure of holding were adopted, would not the enemy be able to make an unlimited number of valuable conquests without any fighting at all ? "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a political statistic. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("We shall go on to the end, we shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be, we shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender. "," Winston Churchill, 4 June 1940 ");
possibly("I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Victory at all costs; victory in spite of all terror; victory no matter how long and hard the road may be; for without victory, there is no survival. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Should the invader come to Britain, there will be no placid lying down of the people in submission before him, as we have seen, alas! in other countries. We will defend every village, every town, and every city. The vast mass of London itself, fought street by street, could easily devour an entire hostile army, and we would rather see London laid in ashes and ruins than that it should be tamely and abjectly enslaved. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("...I told my doctor I got all the exercise I needed being a pallbearer for all my friends who run and do exercises! "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("The Arabs are a backwards people who eat nothing but Camel dung. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("There are vast numbers, not only in this island but in every land, who will render faithful service in this war but whose names will never be known. This is a war of the unknown warriors. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. "," Sir Winston Churchill ");
possibly("A good question is never answered. It is not a bolt to be tightened into place but a seed to be planted and to bear more seed toward the hope of greening the landscape of idea. "," John Ciardi ");
possibly("There is nothing wrong with sobriety in moderation. "," John Ciardi ");
possibly("A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. "," John Ciardi ");
possibly("Having me for postmaster is like having Zippy for president. I dare you to quote me on that. "," ckk, The Postmaster who never sleeps. ");
possibly("Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. "," Blake Clark ");
possibly("The shortest distance between two points is through Hell. "," Brian Clark ");
possibly("A few sums! retorted Martens, with a trace of his old spirit. A major navigational change, like the one needed to break us away from the comet and put us on an orbit to Earth, involves about a hundred thousand separate calculations. Even the computer needs several minutes for the job. "," Arthur C. Clarke, Into The Comet ");
possibly("Clarke's First Law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong. "," Arthur C. Clarke, Technology and the Future ");
possibly("Clarke's Second Law: The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible. "," Arthur C. Clarke, Technology and the Future ");
possibly("Clarke's Third Law: Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. "," Arthur C. Clarke, Technology and the Future ");
possibly("It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. "," Arthur C. Clarke ");
possibly("There is hopeful symbolism in the fact that flags do not wave in a vacuum. "," Arthur C. Clarke ");
possibly("The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. "," William Clayton ");
possibly("War is a series of disasters which result in a winner. "," Georges Clemenceau ");
possibly("If you always tell the truth, you never have to remember what you said. "," Samuel Clemens ");
possibly("Dammit, we're all going to die, let's die doing something *useful*! "," Hal Clement, on the danger of space exploration ");
possibly("... so long as the people do not care to exercise their freedom, those who wish to tyrranize will do so; for tyrants are active and ardent, and will devote themselves in the name of any number of gods, religious and otherwise, to put shackles upon sleeping men. "," Voltarine de Cleyre ");
possibly("For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. "," R. Clopton ");
possibly("The solution implemented here works amazingly well in most circumstances, and, being essentially half-assed, is more in keeping with the spirit of Unix. Blech. "," cmushell.el comment ");
possibly("CMU security, please hold, we have an emergency. "," CMU Security (who else?) ");
possibly("The trouble with normal is it always gets worse. "," Bruce Cockburn ");
possibly("A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. "," Lew Col ");
possibly("La vrai disette, c'est l'absence de livres. (Real poverty is lack of books.) "," Colette ");
possibly("Heav'n has no rage, like love to hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a fury, like a woman scorn'd. "," William Congreve (1670-1729) ");
possibly("You wanna know how to nail Capone? This is how you nail Capone: he pulls a knife you pull a gun, he puts on of yours in the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. THAT'S how you nail Capone. "," Sean Connery in The Untouchables ");
possibly("I not only want a car that is built in accordance with the basic principles of physics and in light of an empirically verified, well-winnowed tradition of automobile design, but I also want it screwed together right. "," Edward W. Constant II, The Social Locus of Technological Practice: Community, System, or Organization? ");
possibly("Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. "," Rich Cook ");
possibly("It is a faith (not always justified) of theoretical physics that if man proposes what is sufficiently elegant, nature, pleased and flattered, will say yes. "," Leon N. Cooper, Introduction to the Meaning and Structure of Physics ");
possibly("The world revolves around the sun, not your head. "," Copernicus ");
possibly("Listening to the Fifth Symphony of Ralph Vaughn Williams is like staring at a cow for forty-five minutes. "," Aaron Copland ");
possibly("The problem with protestantism is that it's not quite silly enough to be rejected out of hand. "," R. Craig Coulter. ");
possibly("The Golden Rule is of no use to you whatever unless you realize it isyour move. "," Frank Crane ");
possibly("I'd hate to think we're seriously hampering the productivity of America. But, on the other hand, what the heck! "," Computer game magnate Les Crane, Time ");
possibly("'A man said to the Universe: Sir, I exist!; However, replied the Universe, the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation.' "," Stephen Crane ");
possibly("If the automobile had followed the same development cyclee as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. "," Robert X. Cringely, InfoWorld ");
possibly("Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level. "," Quentin Crisp ");
possibly("If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. "," Quentin Crisp ");
possibly("Do not think what you want to think until you know what you ought to know. "," Crow's Law ");
possibly("Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. "," Aleister Crowley ");
possibly("To be nobody-but-myself -- in a world that is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else -- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting. "," e. e. cummings ");
possibly("Remember, it's not the principle of the thing...it's the money! "," Daffy Duck ");
possibly("There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of man, with the possible exception of the sword. "," Benjamin Dana ");
possibly("Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. "," Dandemis ");
possibly("If a train station is where the train stops, what's a work station? "," Roger B. Dannenberg ");
possibly("Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active. "," Leonardo da Vinci ");
possibly("Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom; Justice is what comes out of a courtroom. "," Clarence Darrow ");
possibly("Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? "," Clarence Darrow ");
possibly("Stupidity, like virtue, is its own reward "," Bill Davidsen ");
possibly("VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use unix. "," W. Davidson ");
possibly("There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a hottest part implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is obviously impossible. "," Richard Davisson ");
possibly("Mediocrity requires aloofness to preserve its dignity. "," Charles G. Dawes ");
possibly("It doesn't matter what time you were born; today is your birthday, so shut up! "," Doug DeCarlo to Eeyore, 3/7/91 ");
possibly("Kill them all. God will select those who should go to heaven and those who should go to hell. "," Abbot Arnold de Citeaux, 1205 ");
possibly("The graveyards are full of indispensable men. "," Charles DeGaulle ");
possibly("Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. "," Jules de Gaultier ");
possibly("When asked by an anthropologist what the Indians called America before the white man came, and Indian said simply Ours. "," Vine Deloria, Jr. ");
possibly("Small opportunities are often the beginning of great enterprises. "," Demosthenes ");
possibly("A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. "," Antoine de Saint-Exupery ");
possibly("Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough. "," Descartes, 1637 ");
possibly("Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff. "," Peter de Vries ");
possibly("There are two kinds of pedestrians...the quick and the dead. "," Lord Thomas Robert Dewar ");
possibly("Minds are like parachutes - they only function when open. "," Thomas Dewar ");
possibly("Anyone who has begun to think places some portion of the world in jeopardy. "," John Dewey ");
possibly("People who never make a mistake end up by never doing anything worthwhile - when they do not end up in institutions. A rigid insistence on strict criteria is the road to scientific catatonia. "," Solomon Diamond ");
possibly("Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away. "," Philip K. Dick ");
possibly("It is a far, far better thing that I do, than I have ever done; it is a far, far better rest that I go to, than I have ever known. "," Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities ");
possibly("Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong. "," John Diefenbaker ");
possibly("PL/1, the fatal disease, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set. "," E. W. Dijkstra ");
possibly("Warning: the proofreading of the program text has not been done with the same care I spent on the pages of my book. "," E. W. Dijkstra, EWD482, Exercises in Making Programs Robust ");
possibly("Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes. "," E. W. Dijkstra ");
possibly("The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. "," E. W. Dijkstra ");
possibly("this compact disc is made from analog masters recorded without noise reduction. half the tracks, in fact, were recorded in a dismal, cheap basement eight-track studio with puddles of water on the floor. digital technology will now faithfully reproduce these noisy, low-fi, un-professional masters at great expense. feel stupid yet? "," Disclaimer on a CD ");
possibly("It's kind of fun to do the impossible. "," Walt Disney ");
possibly("Action may not always bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action. "," Benjamin Disraeli ");
possibly("I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? "," Benjamin Disraeli ");
possibly("When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. "," Benjamin Disraeli ");
possibly("Gentlemen, you can't fight here, this is a War Room! "," Dr. Strangelove ");
possibly("..never write device drivers while on acid! "," MJ Dominus ");
possibly("Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] "," Aelius Donatus ");
possibly("What's worth doing is worth doing for money. "," Joseph Donohue ");
possibly("No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; ... any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know for whom the bells tolls; it tolls for thee. "," John Donne ");
possibly("Aye, and if my grandmother had wheels, she'd have been a wagon.... "," James Doohan as Mr. Scott in _The_Search_for_Spock_ ");
possibly("Lying to ourselves is more deeply ingrained than lying to others. "," Fyodor Dostoyevsky ");
possibly("It's nice to have a chat with a clever man "," Fyodor Dostoyevsky ");
possibly("But soon, soon, soon... the world will be a better place, with meadows and bunnies and fiber optics in every home... "," Tom Dowdy, Apple Computer ");
possibly("Bring the little ones unto me, and I will get a good price for them. "," Dr. Fegg's Encyclopeadia of _All_ World Knowledge ");
possibly("If they don't want us to drink and drive, why do you have to have a driver's license to buy beer? "," Drexell's Class ");
possibly("There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all. "," Peter F. Drucker ");
possibly("He who will not reason is a bigot; he who cannot is a fool; and he who dares not is a slave. "," Sir William Drummond, Academical Questions ");
possibly("Beware the fury of a patient man. "," John Dryden ");
possibly("He trudged along, unknowing what he sought, and whistled as he went, for want of a thought "," Dryden ");
possibly("Money can be lost...beauty normally fades with the years...health may fail or some disease can strike...friends usually vanish, perhaps die. Only memories remain for as long as you live. so, live that your memories will make you glad rather than sad. "," George Dubow ");
possibly("Being a scientist does not disqualify a person from being an intelligent citizen. "," Lee A. DuBridge ");
possibly("If you view your problem closely enough you will recognize yourself as part of the problem. "," Ducharm's Axiom ");
possibly("Everything that can be invented has been invented. "," Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899. ");
possibly("Was einmal gedacht wurde kann nicht mehr zurueckgenommen werden! (What has been thought, can not be taken back anymore). "," Friederich Duerrenmatt, The physicists, 1962 ");
possibly("How many seconds are there in a year? If I tell you there are 3.155 x 10^7, you won't even try to remember it. On the other hand, who could forget that, to within half a percent, pi seconds is a nanocentury. "," Tom Duff, Bell Labs ");
possibly("I guess we all know who's the real wizard under the sheets. "," David Duke, referring to Bill Clinton and Gennifer Flowers ");
possibly("All human wisdom is summed up in two words -- wait and hope. "," Alexandre Dumas the Elder ");
possibly("Efficiency is intelligent laziness. "," David Dunham ");
possibly("The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. "," Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley) ");
possibly("One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. "," Will Durant ");
possibly("This is a picture of the British High Command at the beginning of World War I. These aren't evil men -- some of them aren't even stupid. "," G. Dyer, in _WAR_ ");
possibly("Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. "," Dykstra ");
possibly("Ok, so just what is a bessel function? "," Rob Earhart, as Intermediate Optics goes flying over his head ");
possibly("The supervisor and compositor shall be flogged thirty times for an error per chapter; the printer shall be flogged thirty times for bad impression, either too dark or too light, of one character per chapter. "," Early Movable Type in Korea ");
possibly("People who meet me are always surprised that I'm congenial. I guess they expect me to pull out a .44. Well, I can't. I don't even own a gun. "," Clint Eastwood ");
possibly("There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. "," Clint Eastwood ");
possibly("I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it. "," Clint Eastwood in Pink Cadillac ");
possibly("Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it. "," Aubrey Eben ");
possibly("That's the nature of research--you don't know what in hell you're doing. "," `Doc' Edgerton ");
possibly("Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work. "," Thomas Edison ");
possibly("....I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work. "," Thomas Edison ");
possibly("To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. "," Thomas Edison ");
possibly("We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything. "," Thomas Edison ");
possibly("Where the world ceases to be the scene of our personal hopes and wishes, where we face it as free beings, admiring, asking and observing, there we enter the realm of Art and Science. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Small is the number of them that see with their own eyes, and feel with their own hearts. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking. The solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have become a watchmaker. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The strength of the Constitution lies entirely in the determination of each citizen to defend it. Only if every single citizen feels duty bound to do his share in this defense are the constitutional rights secure. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("We scientists, whose tragic destiny it has been to make the methods of annihilation ever more gruesome and more effective, must consider it our solemn and transcendent duty to do all in our power in preventing these weapons from being used for the brutal purpose for which they were invented. "," Albert Einstein, Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, September 1948 ");
possibly("Imagination is more important than knowledge. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Space by itself, and time by itself, are doomed to fade away into mere shadows, and only a kind union of the two will preserve an independent reality. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The important thing is never to stop questioning. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("But the creative principle resides in mathematics. In a certain sense, therefore, I hold it true that pure thought can grasp reality, as the ancients dreamed. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Politics is for the moment. An equation is for eternity. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Who can imagine Moses, Jesus, or Ghandhi armed with the money-bags of Carnegie? "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("It is in fact nothing short of a miracle that the modern methods of instruction have not strangled the holy curiosity of inquiry. This little plant, aside from stimulation, stands mainly in need of freedom. Without this it goes to rack and ruin without fail. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The most beautiful thing to experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear and punshiment and hope of reward after death. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The right to search for the truth implies also a duty; one must not conceal any part of what one has recognized to be the truth. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("He who marches joyfully in rank and file has already earned my contempt. A large brain has been wasted on this individual, since for him, a spinal cord would suffice. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else--unless it is an enemy. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Time and space are modes by which we think and not conditions in which we live. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Do not needlessly endanger your lives until ordered to do so. "," Dwight D. Eisenhower ");
possibly("The spirit of man is more important than mere physical strength, and the spiritual fiber of a nation more than its wealth. "," Dwight D. Eisenhower ");
possibly("I like to believe that people in the long run are going to do more to promote peace than our governments. Indeed, I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of the way and let them have it. "," Dwight D. Eisenhower ");
possibly("Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. "," Dwight D. Eisenhower, April 16, 1953 ");
possibly("Any coward can fight a battle when he's sure of winning; but give me the man who has pluck to fight when he's sure of losing. That's my way; and there are many victories worse than a defeat. "," George Eliot ");
possibly("Why do men go to war? Because women are watching. "," T. S. Eliot ");
possibly("We call them Twinkies. You've seen them on television acting the news, modeling and fracturing the news while you wonder whether they've read the news or if they've blow-dried their brains, too. "," Linda Ellerbee ");
possibly("What we call 'Progress' is the exchange of one nuisance for another nuisance. "," Henry Havelock Ellis ");
possibly("I don't mind you *thinking* I'm stupid, but don't *talk* to me like I'm stupid. "," Harlan Ellison ");
possibly("A hero is not braver than an ordinary man but is brave five minutes longer "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("Always do what you are afraid to do. "," Emerson ");
possibly("Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Then all things are at risk. It is as when a conflagration has broken out in a great city, and no man knows what is safe, or where it will end. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("The reward of a thing well done, is to have done it. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("Whoso would be a man, must be a nonconformist. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("There is no knowledge that is not power. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("To be great, is to be misunderstood. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("I wish to say what I think & feel today, with the proviso that tomorrow perhaps I shall contradict it all. "," Emerson ");
possibly("I hate quotations. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("ERROR: Machine does not support color holographic images "," End of msg ");
possibly("Mass times momentum? What the *hell* is that? "," Dr. Engler to Dale Newfield ");
possibly("I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it. "," English Professor ");
possibly("I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. "," English Professor, Ohio University ");
possibly("Nothing is enough for the man for whom enough is too little. "," Epicurus ");
possibly("Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long? "," Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982 ");
possibly("Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. "," Susan Ertz ");
possibly("Where there are no men of honor, strive to be a man of honor, so that others may learn from your example. "," Ethics of the Fathers ");
possibly("When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion. "," Ethiopian proverb ");
possibly("Do we, holding that the gods exist, deceive ourselves with insubstantial dreams and lies, while random careless chance and change alone control the world? "," Euripedes, Hecuba ");
possibly("Boy, when you go to vote, make sure not to flip your coin up so high that the other people see it, and make sure you catch it and don't have to go crawling around on the floor looking for it while hundreds of waiting voters snicker or you`ll be really embarassed. "," Elliott Eeyore Evans ");
possibly("Here's a hint. When you think your code to exec a shell function is just not working, never, repeat NEVER send it /etc/reboot just to see what happens. "," Elliott Eeyore Evans ");
possibly("After long thought, I and several of my friends came to the conclusion that this was designed to prevent cheating. I won't comment on that: The idea that a CMU student could not cheat if they wanted to is more insulting than the implication that they would. "," Ethan Evans on academic.cs.15-211.announce. ");
possibly("All Galaxy Class Starships are equipped with their own dramatic lighting system "," Dan Fahs ");
possibly("Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! "," Admiral Farragut, USN, 1801-1870 ");
possibly("Time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life. "," William Faulkner ");
possibly("Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. "," Jules Feiffer ");
possibly("Christ died for our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? "," Jules Feiffer ");
possibly("Pascal is not a high-level language. "," Steven Feiner ");
possibly("Never count a human dead until you've seen the body. And even then you can make a mistake. "," Lady Fenring ");
possibly("When a scientist doesn't know the answer to a problem, he is ignorant. When he has a hunch as to what the result is, he is uncertain. And when he is pretty darn sure of what the result is going to be, he is in some doubt. "," Richard Feynman ");
possibly("For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled. "," Richard Feynman ");
possibly("From a long view of the history of mankind -- seen from, say, ten thousand years from now -- there can be little doubt that the most significant event of the 19th century will be judged as Maxwell's discovery of the laws of electrodynamics. The American Civil War will pale into provinciald insignificance in comparison with this important scientific event of the same decade. "," Richard P. Feynman ");
possibly("I believe that a scientist looking at nonscientific problems is just as dumb as the next guy. "," Richard Feynman ");
possibly("There was a sociologist who had written a paper for all of us to read... I started to read the damn thing, and my eyes were coming out: I couldn't make head nor tail of it... Finally, I said to myself, 'I'm gonna stop and read one sentence slowly'... So I stopped -- at random -- and read the next sentence very carefully... 'The individual member of the social community often receives his information via visual, symbolic channels.' I went back and forth over it, and translated. You know what it means? 'People read.' "," Richard P. Feynman ");
possibly("When someone demands blind obedience, you'd be a fool not to peek. "," Jim Fiebig ");
possibly("Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor. "," Edgar R. Fiedler ");
possibly("Ask five economists and you'll get five different explanations (six if one went to Harvard). "," Edgar R. Fiedler ");
possibly("He, in a few minutes ravished this fair creature, or at least would have ravished her, if she had not, by a timely compliance, prevented him. "," Henry Fielding, Jonathan Wild ");
possibly("I never met a kid I liked. "," W.C. Fields ");
possibly("Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. "," W. C. Fields ");
possibly("Start every day off with a smile and get it over with. "," W.C. Fields ");
possibly("Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! "," W. C. Fields ");
possibly("It's not bogus, it's an IBM standard. "," Esther Filderman ");
possibly("I don't like VMS. I can't think in dollar signs. "," Esther Filderman ");
possibly("I have a friend who told me that the greatest computer system ever built by mankind was by the Druids at Stonehenge. Well, that's an old story. But what I liked was that he felt that the Druids didn't die out, they just went bankrupt trying to debug the software. "," James Finkle, Omni, August 1983 ");
possibly("Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau. "," Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, five days before the Crash of 1929. ");
possibly("Four people attack you with screwdrivers, you have a gun, they're supposed to die. That's not racism. That's Darwin. "," Chip Flatow ");
possibly("There never has been, nor will there ever be, any programming language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad code. "," Lawrence Flon ");
possibly("My left is blocked, my right is stopped, I can't retreat - only one thing left to do: Attack! "," Marshal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre ");
possibly("Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value. "," Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre ");
possibly("Man is so made that when anything fires his soul, impossibilities vanish. "," Jean de La Fontaine ");
possibly("Mathematicians are like lovers....Grant a mathematician the least principle, and he will draw from it a consequence which you must also grant him, and from this consequence another. "," Fontenelle ");
possibly("Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one. "," Malcolm S. Forbes ");
possibly("Nothing shocks me. I'm a scientist. "," Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones ");
possibly("We're not lost. We're locationally challenged. "," John M. Ford ");
possibly("'Blueberry,' Kirk thought, instead of ducking. WHAM! Blueberry it was. "," John Ford, How Much for Just the Planet ");
possibly("The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change. "," FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers ");
possibly("There are three schools of magic. One: State a tautology, then ring the changes on its corollaries; that's philosophy. Two: Record many facts. Try to find a pattern. Then make a wrong guess at the next fact; that's science. Three: Be aware that you live in a malevolent Universe controlled by Murphy's Law, sometimes offset by Brewster's Factor; that's engineering. "," Fortune ");
possibly("Liberty is always dangerous, but it is the safest thing we have. "," Harry Emerson Fosdick ");
possibly("Freedom is just Chaos, with better lighting. "," Alan Dean Foster, To the Vanishing Point ");
possibly("To know is nothing at all; to imagine is everything. "," Anatole France ");
possibly("Never lend books -- nobody ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are those which people have lent me. "," Anatole France ");
possibly("The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. "," Anatole France ");
possibly("Where are we going? Western Psyche! When will we get there? Real soon! "," Will Frank ");
possibly("We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of human freedoms -- to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances -- to choose one's own way. "," Viktor Frankl ");
possibly("It takes many good deeds to build a good reputation, and only one bad one to lose it. "," Benjamin Franklin ");
possibly("Experience is a dear teacher, but fools will learn from no other. "," Benjamin Franklin ");
possibly("Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that's the stuff life is made of. "," Benjamin Franklin ");
possibly("Never confuse motion with action. "," Ben Franklin ");
possibly("They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety. "," Benjamin Franklin, 1759 ");
possibly("If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer. "," Clement Freud ");
possibly("Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. "," Sigmund Freud ");
possibly("Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that! "," Matt Frewer as Dr. Mike Stratford in Doctor, Doctor ");
possibly("I have never forced myself on my wife: I paid her each time. "," Stephen Freind ");
possibly("Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. "," Milton Friedman ");
possibly("Technology is a way of organizing the universe so that man doesn't have to experience it. "," Max Frisch ");
possibly("Two roads diverged in a wood, and I -; I took the one less traveled by; And that has made all the difference. "," Robert Frost ");
possibly("The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. "," Robert Frost ");
possibly("The patient is not likely to recover who makes the doctor his heir. "," Thomas Fuller ");
possibly("Everything you've learned in school as obvious becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines. "," R. Buckminster Fuller ");
possibly("Don't fight forces; use them. "," R. Buckminster Fuller ");
possibly("God is not a noun; God is a verb. "," R. Buckminster Fuller ");
possibly("It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat. "," Robert Fuoss ");
possibly("The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time. "," Merrick Furst ");
possibly("If something goes wrong, it is more important to talk about who is going to fix it, than who is to blame. "," Francis J. Gable ");
possibly("Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("When people are least sure, they are often most dogmatic. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("What is called a high standard of living consists, in considerable measure, in arrangements for avoiding muscular energy, for increasing sensual pleasure and enhancing caloric intake above any conceivable nutritional requirement. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("I was brought up in southwestern Ontario where we were taught that Canadian patriotism should not withstand anything more than a five-dollar-a-month wage differential. Anything more than that and you went to Detroit. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("If it is dangerous to suppose that government is always right, it will sooner or later be awkward for public administration if most people suppose that it is always wrong. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. "," Galileo Galilei ");
possibly("In questions of science the authority of a thousand is not worth the humble reasoning of a single individual. "," Galileo Galilei ");
possibly("But where the senses fail us, reason must step in. "," Galileo Galilei ");
possibly("Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings. "," Ed Gardner ");
possibly("Every psychic investigator of [the medium] Mrs. Piper was impressed by her simplicity and honesty. It never occurred to them that no charlatan ever achieves greatness by acting like a charlatan. No professional spy acts like a spy. No card cheat behaves at the table like a card cheat. "," Martin Gardner ");
possibly("Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more 'user-friendly' [...] Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, 'user-friendly' on the cover. "," Bill Gates, Microsoft CEO ");
possibly("I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike. "," Emile Henry Gauvreay ");
possibly("Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. "," R. Geis ");
possibly("I wouldn't mind dying -- it's that business of having to stay dead that scares the shit out of me. "," R. Geis ");
possibly("Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. "," R. Geis ");
possibly("Impeccability, a finely honed strategic sense, and an intelligent application of personal ferocity beat out fear and hate every time. "," Joshua Geller ");
possibly("On the Tobruk front a large force of Italians attacked one enemy cyclist, causing him to dismount. After heavy and prolonged fighting they were able to puncture his tires. The front wheel was destroyed, while destruction of the rear wheel must also be considered probable. The handle bars are in our hands, but possession of the frame is still contested. "," German satire of an Italian war communique, reportedly captured by British troops in Lib ");
possibly("If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. "," J. Paul Getty ");
possibly("A `No' uttered from deepest conviction is better and greater than a `Yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. "," Mahatma Ghandi ");
possibly("If you reveal your secrets to the wind you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. "," Khalil Gibran ");
possibly("Hey babe, I've got an O(n) method for computing form factors. "," Stephen Gifford ");
possibly("No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast. "," W.S. Gilbert ");
possibly("Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse. "," William Gilbert ");
possibly("A libertarian is just an anarchist on the gold standard. "," Alexis Gilliland ");
possibly(" Layered protocols give the software implementor a chance to ruin his performance in each layer. "," Don Gillies ");
possibly("There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth. "," Jean Giradoux ");
possibly("Only the mediocre are always at their best. "," Jean Giraudoux ");
possibly("We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves. "," Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ");
possibly("Mathematicians are like Frenchmen: whatever you say to them they translate into their own language and forthwith it is something entirely different. "," Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ");
possibly("It is not enough to have knowledge, one must also apply it. It is not enough to have wishes, one must also accomplish. "," Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ");
possibly("Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. "," Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ");
possibly("He who has art and science also has religion, but those who do not have them better have religion. "," Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ");
possibly("What is hardest of all? That which seems most simple: to see with your eyes what is before your eyes. "," Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe ");
possibly("I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. "," Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ");
possibly("Modern diplomats approach every problem with an open mouth. "," Arthur J. Goldberg ");
possibly("I am surprised nothing has been made of the fact that astronaut Neil Armstrong carried no sidearms when he landed on the moon. "," Justice Arthur Goldberg ");
possibly("Learning from one's own experience is even more impractical if the injury is a very serious one. In the extreme case of a fatal accident, of course, the learning experience might be profound, but the learning curve is abruptly truncated. "," Victor Goldberg (1974) ");
possibly("That is one of the Laws of Usenet, up there with `You can tell when a Usenet discussion is getting old when someone drags out Hitler and the Nazis.' "," David Goldfarb ");
possibly("Laws grind the poor, and rich men rule the law. "," Oliver Goldsmith ");
possibly("A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. "," Barry Goldwater ");
possibly("Crossposting isn't inherently evil, in the same sense that necrophilia doesn't really hurt anybody. One wonders only whether it's appropriate to the occasion. "," Rick Gordon ");
possibly("For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say 'Canada'. Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something. "," Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S. ");
possibly("A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. "," Baltasar Gracian ");
possibly("We will occasionally use this arrow notation unless there is danger of no confusion. "," Ronald Graham, Rudiments of Ramsey Theory ");
possibly("Paranoia will get you through times of no enemies better than enemies will get you through times of no paranoia. "," Pete Granger ");
possibly("So you think *I'm* the murderer? What do I have to do to convince you that I'm not, be the next victim? Well that would be a start. "," Cary Grant & Audrey Hepburn in Charade, 1963 ");
possibly("A bore is a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. "," Gian Vincenzo Gravina ");
possibly("If at first you don't succeed -- give it up. It isn't worth the pain. "," Matt Groening ");
possibly("This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it. He's doomed. "," Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast ");
possibly("Who's more foolish? The fool or the fool who follows him? "," Alec Guiness as Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars ");
possibly("You can pretend to be serious, you can't pretend to be witty. "," Sacha Guitry ");
possibly("Ten of us to a hundred of them, eh? Well, one British soldier is worth twenty of those beggars...so the odds are two to one in our favor. Hardly sporting! "," GURPS Basic Set, 3rd Ed ");
possibly("...There are three kinds of mathematicians--those that can count and those that can't count. "," Professor Gurtin during Calc in 3-D ");
possibly("Y'know, you can't have, like, a light, without a dark to stick it in... You know what I'm sayin'? "," Arlo Guthrie ");
possibly("Thank you for sending me a copy of your book. I'll waste no time reading it. "," Moses Hadas ");
possibly("The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood. "," Alexander Haig ");
possibly("The future is not weirder than we imagine, it is weirder than we can imagine... "," J.B.S. Haldane. ");
possibly("He that leaveth nothing to Chance will do few things ill, but he will do very few things. "," George, Lord Halifax ");
possibly("Machines should work. People should think. "," Richard Hamming ");
possibly("Virtue is its own revenge. "," E.Y. Harburg ");
possibly("There is one comforting conclusion which is easy for a real mathematician. Real mathematics has no effects on war. No one has yet discovered any warlike purpose to be served by the theory of numbers or relativity, and it seems unlikely that anyone will do so for many years. "," G. H. Hard, A Mathematician's Apology, 1940 ");
possibly("Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. "," Salvador Hardin ");
possibly("It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that. "," G. H. Hardy ");
possibly("The most important thing in an argument, next to being right, is to leave an escape hatch for your opponent, so that he can gracefully swing over to your side without too much apparent loss of face. "," Sydney J. Harris ");
possibly("Fig Newton: The force required to accelerate a fig 39.37 inches/sec. "," J. Hart ");
possibly("One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer terror. "," W. K. Hartmann ");
possibly("God not only plays dice, he also sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen. "," Stephen Hawking ");
possibly("That's a definition, not a theorem. That means you don't argue with it; you just write it down and memorize it. "," Warren Hawley ");
possibly("This one is an ANSI standard fuse blower. "," Steven Hawthorne ");
possibly("I'm going to speak my mind because I have noth to lose. "," S.I. Hayakwa ");
possibly("We tend to idealize tolerance, then wonder why we find ourselves infested with losers and nut cases. "," Patrick Nielsen Hayden ");
possibly("Grace is the absence of everything that indicates pain or difficulty, hesitation or incongruity. "," William Hazlitt ");
possibly("Engineering induction: if it works for n = 1, 2, and 3, that's good enough for me. "," Ric Hehner ");
possibly("Whenever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings. "," Heinrich Heine ");
possibly("Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of, but do it in private and wash your hands afterwards. "," Heinlein ");
possibly("Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. "," R. A. Heinlein ");
possibly("The only inherent sin in society lies in huting others unnecessarily. Hurting yourself in not sinful - just dumb. "," Robert Heinlein ");
possibly("Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. "," Joseph Heller ");
possibly("I'd like to see the government get out of war altogether and leave the whole field to a private industry. "," Joseph Heller ");
possibly("The first myth of management is that it exists. The second myth of management is that success equals skill. "," Robert Heller ");
possibly("Satire, for example, is defined as intellectual judo, in which the writer or performer takes on the ideas and character of his target and then take both to absurd lengths to destroy them. This is the most mischievous of all forms of humor, the most radical use of irony. (It is also the most easily misunderstood, since taking on the character of one's target -- a bigot, say -- can lead the uninitiated into thinking that you actually share the target's ideas. Saying the word 'nigger' in character can get bricks thrown at your head -- and not by bigots.) Satire is not a gentle process, and the more sacred the belief or person whose mantle it assumes, the more effective it is. "," Tony Hendra, Going Too Far ");
possibly("You've been in the SCA too long when your spell check recognizes `pursuivant' "," Henry of Linlithgow ");
possibly("You can bring any calculator you like to the midterm, as long as it doesn't dim the lights when you turn it on. "," Hepler, Systems Design 182 ");
possibly("The nature of things is in the habit of concealing itself. "," Heraclitus ");
possibly("An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. "," A. P. Herbert ");
possibly("No man steps in the same river twice, for it's not the same river, and he's not the same man. "," Heraclitus ");
possibly("I turn away with fright and horror from the lamentable evil of functions which do not have derivatives. "," Charles Hermite ");
possibly("In peace, sons bury their fathers; in war, fathers bury their sons. "," Herodotus ");
possibly("When dealing with the insane, the best method is to pretend to be sane. "," Hermann Hesse ");
possibly("Goldilocks is about property rights. Little Red Riding Hood is a tale of seduction, rape, murder, and cannibalism. "," Bernard J. Hibbits ");
possibly("Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. "," D. J. Hicks ");
possibly("When we put our best foot forward, the other one had better be good enough to stand on. "," Cullen Hightower ");
possibly("And that marvelous moment when you switched from color to black and white, to show the bleakness of human existence.; Actually we ran out of money and had to buy cheaper film. "," Benny Hill ");
possibly("Let us go forth not as defenders of the status quo, but as crusaders with a revolution idea -- that government should be the servant and not the master of the people; that its purpose is to protect, not deny, each man's freedom; that the purpose of a free press is to liberate, not enslave the human spirit. "," A. S. Hills, President Inter-American Press Association ");
possibly("I have a perfect cure for a sore throat. Cut it. "," Alfred Hitchcock ");
possibly("The people of Britain are very curious and ask: 'Why in the world don't you come ?' We are coming. People should not always be so curious. "," Adolf Hitler ");
possibly("England has already lost the war. It is only a matter of having the intelligence to admit it. "," Adolf Hitler, 4/4/41 ");
possibly("The great masses of the people . . . will more easily fall victims to a great lie than to a small one. "," Adolf Hitler ");
possibly("An idea is an eye given by God for the seeing of God. Some of those eyes we cannot bear to look out of, we blind them as quickly as possible. "," Russell Hoban, Pilgermann ");
possibly("There are two ways of constructing a software design: One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies, and the other way is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. "," C. A. R. Hoare ");
possibly("We're not hitchiking anymore - we're riding! "," Commander Hoeke ");
possibly("I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. "," Bill Hoest ");
possibly("You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. "," Eric Hoffer ");
possibly("Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. "," Eric Hoffer ");
possibly("Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will even when you take into account Hofstadter's law "," Hofstadter's law ");
possibly("Women and cats do as they dammed well please. Men and dogs had best learn to live with it... "," Alan Holbrook ");
possibly("It is well to remember that the entire population of the universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others. "," John Andrew Holmes ");
possibly("Never tell a young person that anything cannot be done. God may have been waiting for centuries for somebody ignorant enough of the impossible to do that very thing. "," John Andrew Holmes ");
possibly("The universe is not hostile, nor yet is it friendly. It is simply indifferent. "," John Hughes Holmes ");
possibly("The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it contracts. "," Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. ");
possibly("Every calling is great when greatly pursued. "," Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. ");
possibly("When a resolute fellow steps up to that great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find that the beard comes off in his hand, that it was only tied on to scare away timid adventurers. "," Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr. ");
possibly("There it was, hidden in alphabetical order. "," Rita Holt ");
possibly("About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. "," Herbert Hoover ");
possibly("I regret to say that we of the FBI are powerless to act in cases of oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate commerce. "," J. Edgar Hoover ");
possibly("Justice is incedental to law and order. "," J. Edgar Hoover ");
possibly("Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. "," Jim Horning ");
possibly("I also thank my reviewer---John Vlissides of Stanford University, whose critical and insightful comments prodded me to rewrite the book and Michael Tripoli, who checked the code for correctness. Naturally, any remaining flaws are entirely their fault. "," Cay S. Horstmann, Mastering C++ ");
possibly("In My Egotistical Opinion, most people's C programs should be indented six feet downward and covered with dirt. "," Blair P. Houghton, regarding C Code indentation ");
possibly("Bill Gates [Microsoft CEO] says no matter how much more power we can supply, he'll develop some really exciting software that will bring the machine to its knees. "," David House, Intel VP ");
possibly("... And malt does more than Milton can; To justify God's ways to man "," A. E. Housman ");
possibly("Only fools are positive. "," Moe Howard ");
possibly("The way of the world is to praise dead saints and prosecute live ones. "," Nathaniel Howe ");
possibly("Some people can stay longer in an hour than others can in a week. "," William Dean Howells ");
possibly("There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for. "," Fred Hoyle ");
possibly("You can leave if you want -- I won't take offense, even if intended. "," Professor Hrusa (CMU) ");
possibly("Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. "," Elbert Hubbard ");
possibly("To escape criticism -- do nothing, say nothing, be nothing. "," Elbert Hubbard ");
possibly("Die: To stop sinning suddenly. "," Elbert Hubbard ");
possibly("Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. "," F. M. Hubbard ");
possibly("If Moses had been a committee, the Israelites would still be in Egypt. "," J. B. Hughes ");
possibly("Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age. "," Victor Hugo ");
possibly("The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. "," Hubert Humphrey ");
possibly("Vegetarianism is harmless enough, although it is apt to fill a man with wind and self-righteousness. "," Sir Robert Hutchison ");
possibly("Maybe this world is another planet's Hell. "," Aldous Huxley ");
possibly("There is the greatest practical benefit in making a few failures early in life. "," Thomas Henry Huxley ");
possibly("The known is finite, the unknown infinite; intellectually we stand on an islet in the midst of an illimitable ocean of inexplicability. Our business in every generation is to reclaim a little more land. "," T. H. Huxley ");
possibly("All parts should go together without forcing. You must remember that the parts you are reassembling were disassembled by you. Therefore, if you can't get them together again, there must be a reason. By all means, do not use a hammer. "," IBM maintenance manual, 1925 ");
possibly("The strongest man in the world is he who stands alone. "," Ibsen ");
possibly("You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. "," Henrick Ibson ");
possibly("To avoid slow performance, Apple suggests that the amount of virtual memory you select be less than the system RAM. "," INFOWORLD ");
possibly("In nature there are neither rewards nor punishments -- there are consequences. "," Robert G. Ingersoll ");
possibly("It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life. "," Irish Proverb ");
possibly("To prevent having to tell fools to RTFM don't let on that you WTFM in the first place. "," Sign in ITC's Swamp ");
possibly("Under Brezhnev, the Soviet economy was led to the edge of an abyss. But under Gorbachov's policies, they have taken one great leap forward. "," Dr. Alexei Izyuromov, Canada-US Institute in Moscow ");
possibly("The will to win is worthless if you don't get paid for it "," Reggie Jackson ");
possibly("It could have been an organically based disturbance of the brain - perhaps a tumor or a metabolic deficiency - but after a thorough neurological exam it was determined that Byron was simply a jerk. "," J. Jahnke ");
possibly("In democracy its your vote that counts.; In feudalism its your count that votes. "," Mogens Jallberg ");
possibly("A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. "," William James ");
possibly("If you believe everything you read, better not read. "," Japanese proverb ");
possibly("I like the dreams of the future better than the history of the past. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("That ideas should freely spread from one to another over the globe, for the moral and mutual instruction of man, and the improvement of his conditions, seems to have been peculiarly and benevolently designed by nature, when she made them, like fire, expansible over all space, without lessening their density in any point, and like the air in which we breathe, move, and have our physical being, incapable of confinement of exclusive appropriation. Inventions then cannot, in nature, be a subject of property. "," Thomas Jefferson, in a letter to Isaac McPherson, 1813. ");
possibly("I hold that a little rebellion is a good thing. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("It does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are twenty gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("The spirit of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions that I wish it to be always kept alive. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("I have recently been examining all the known superstitions of the world, and do not find in our particular superstition [Christianity] one redeeming feature. They are all alike founded on fables and mythology. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("I have sworn upon the altar of God, eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bonds which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation. "," Thomas Jefferson, Declaration of Independence ");
possibly("I tremble for my country when I reflect that God is just. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("Where a new invention promises to be useful, it ought to be tried. "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("In addition I think science has enjoyed an extraordinary success because it has such a limited and narrow realm in which to focus its efforts. Namely, the physical universe. "," Ken Jenkins ");
possibly("Filenames are only for people who can't remember where they put their files. "," Tarjei T. Jensen ");
possibly("If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. "," Pope John Paul I ");
possibly("People must not attempt to impose their own 'truth' on others. The right to profess the truth must always be upheld, but not in a way that involves contempt for those who may think differently. Truth imposes itslef solely by the force of its own truth. "," Pope John Paul II, 1-1-91 ");
possibly("The first casualty when war comes is truth. "," Hiram Johnson ");
possibly("A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. "," S. C. Johnson ");
possibly("The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. "," Franklin P. Jones ");
possibly("Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. "," F. P. Jones ");
possibly("It's the opinion of some that crops could be grown on the moon. Which raises the fear that it may not be long before we're paying somebody not to. "," Franklin P. Jones ");
possibly("When PETA starts trying to toss red paint on motorcycle riders wearing leather jackets, things will get more interesting (and I hope someone's there with a camera). "," James Jones ");
possibly("Confound these ancestors.... They've stolen our best ideas! "," Ben Jonson ");
possibly("Hear me, my chiefs! I am tired; my heart is sick and sad. From where the sun now stands, I will fight no more forever. "," Chief Joseph, Nez Perce surrender speech, 1877 ");
possibly("Just about every computer on the market today runs Unix, except the Mac (and nobody cares about it). "," Bill Joy, 6/21/85 ");
possibly("Trouble is only an opportunity in work clothes. "," Henry J. Kaiser ");
possibly("The greatest happiness is to scatter your enemy, to drive him before you, to see his cities reduced to ashes, to see those who love him shrouded in tears, and to gather into your bosom his wives and daughters. "," Genghis Kahn, 1226 ");
possibly("It is important to keep an open mind, but not so open that your brains fall out. "," Stephen A. Kallis, Jr. ");
possibly("Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long. "," Howard Kandel ");
possibly("Happiness is not an ideal of reason but of imagination. "," Immanuel Kant ");
possibly("It has been said [by Anatole France], 'it is not by amusing oneself that one learns,' and, in reply: 'it is *only* by amusing oneself that one can learn.' "," Edward Kasner and James R. Newman ");
possibly("Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each day as it comes. "," Donald Kaul ");
possibly("Any medium powerful enough to extend man's reach is powerful enough to topple his world. To get the medium's magic to work for one's aims rather than against them is to attain literacy. "," Alan Kay, Computer Software, Scientific American ");
possibly("At college age, you can tell who is best at taking tests and going to school, but you can't tell who the best people are. That worries the hell out of me. "," Barnaby C. Keeney ");
possibly("I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. "," Garrison Keillor ");
possibly("Now is the time for all good men to come to. "," Walt Kelly ");
possibly("We have met the enemy, and he is us. "," Walt Kelly ");
possibly("One word characterizes the most strenuous of the efforts for the advancement of science that I have made perservereingly during fifty-five years; that word is failure. "," Lord Kelvin ");
possibly("[The vector] has never been of the slightest use to any creature. "," Lord Kelvin ");
possibly("Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible. "," Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895. ");
possibly("Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be. "," Thomas A. Kempis ");
possibly("The biggest sin is sitting on your ass. "," Florynce Kennedy ");
possibly("One man can make a difference. Every man should try. "," John F. Kennedy ");
possibly("And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you-- ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man. "," John F. Kennedy, Inaugural address, 20 Jan 1961 ");
possibly("Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. "," John F. Kennedy ");
possibly("Liberty without learning is always in peril and learning without liberty is always in vain. "," John F. Kennedy ");
possibly("If scientific discovery has not been an unalloyed blessing, if it has conferred on mankind the power not only to create but also to annihilate, it has at the same time provided humanity with a supreme challenge and a supreme testing. "," John F. Kennedy ");
possibly("If we cannot now end our differences, at least we can help make the world safe for diversity. "," John F. Kennedy ");
possibly("Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly. "," Robert F. Kennedy ");
possibly("In the long run we are all dead. "," John Maynard Keynes ");
possibly("Your presence is requested at your earliest convenience. Please be sure your earliest convenience is at 1pm. "," Sher Khan (CEO Kahn Industries) ");
possibly("What is zero to analysts? It is a number that's smaller than epsilon for any epsilon. "," Prof. David Kinderlehrer, Advanced Calc 21-455 ");
possibly("Are you sure there are no hidden cameras up there? "," Arizona Rep. Don Kinney, while stuffing $55,000 into a gym bag ");
possibly("The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a little longer. "," Henry Kissinger ");
possibly("Campus politics are so vicious precisely because the stakes are so small. "," Henry Kissinger ");
possibly("The superpowers often behave like two heavily armed blind men feeling their way around a room, each believing himself in mortal peril from the other, whom he assumes to have perfect vision. Each tends to ascribe to the other side a consistency, forsight and coherence that its own experience belies. Of course, even two blind men can do enormous damage to each other, not to speak of the room. "," Henry Kissinger ");
possibly("There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "," Henry Kissinger ");
possibly("Sure, we can raise money! We can raise your Activities Fee. "," Senator Josh Knauer, on how Student Senate should raise money ");
possibly("This memo is to notify you that you are happy in your job. If you have any questions, please contact the Personnel office at extension x3088. Thank you. "," Kevin Knight ");
possibly("Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. "," Donald Knuth ");
possibly("God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. "," Kronecker ");
possibly("Berlin is the testicles of the West. Each time I give them a yank, they holler. "," Khruschev ");
possibly("Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river. "," Nikita Khrushchev ");
possibly("Television, a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done. "," Ernie Kovacs ");
possibly("In a mad world only the mad are sane. "," Akira Kurosawa ");
possibly("A distributed system is one that stops you from getting any work done when a machine you've never even heard of crashes. "," Leslie Lamport (Attributed) ");
possibly("I'll never discuss my lawyer's character in his absence, so let's discuss his absence of character! "," Michael Lara ");
possibly("Shut up he explained. "," Ring Lardner ");
possibly("Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire. "," La Rochefoucauld ");
possibly("Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. "," La Rouchefoucauld ");
possibly("We promise according to our hopes and perform according to our fears. "," La Rouchefoucauld ");
possibly("Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. "," Doug Larson ");
possibly("The aging process has you firmly in its grasp if you never get the urge to throw a snowball. "," Doug Larson ");
possibly("By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect 'Hungry.' "," Gary Larson, The Far Side ");
possibly("Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success. "," Christopher Lasch ");
possibly("I've found thats it's not good to talk about your troubles. Eighty percent of the people who hear them don't care and the other twenty percent are glad your having trouble. "," Tommy LaSorda ");
possibly("When guns are outlawed, how will we handle frat boys? "," Kurt Laughlin, on cs.opinion ");
possibly("The Constitution does not grant rights, it recognizes them "," Jason Laumark ");
possibly("All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible. "," T. E. Lawrence, The Seven Pillars of Wisdom ");
possibly("You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. "," Senator Patrick Leahy (D-Vt), May 1990 ");
possibly("The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives. "," Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project ");
possibly("Pursuing the religious life today without using psychedelics drugs is like studying astronomy with the naked eye because that's how they did it in the first century A.D., and besides, telescopes are unnatural. "," Timothy Leary, The Politics of Ecstasy ");
possibly("There are three side effects of acid. Enchanced long term memory, decreased short term memory, and I forget the third. "," Timothy Leary ");
possibly("I give you bitter pills in sugar coating. The pills are harmless: the poison is in the sugar. "," Stanislaw Lec ");
possibly("Duty then is the sublimest word in the English language. You should do your duty in all things. You can never do more, you should never wish to do less. "," General Robert E. Lee ");
possibly("Power corrupts. Absolute power is kind of neat. "," John Lehman, Secretary of the Navy, 1981-1987 ");
possibly("The Army has carried the American ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on the grounds of ability. "," Tom Lehrer ");
possibly("On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away. "," Tom Lehrer, lecturing in The Nature of Math, 4/4/90 ");
possibly("If anyone disagrees with anything I say, I am quite prepared not only to retract it, but also to deny under oath that I ever said it. "," Tom Lehrer ");
possibly("If I can't get people to commit themselves on whether or not there is a square root of two, then I won't touch on God or anything here... "," Tom Lehrer, lecturing in The Nature of Math, 4/4/90 ");
possibly("Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I want you to know that I just threw your stinkin' tree overboard. Now what's all this crud about no movie tonight? "," Jack Lemmon as Ensign Pulver, Mr. Roberts ");
possibly("A lie told often enough becomes the truth. "," Lenin ");
possibly("Life is what's going on while your making other plans "," John Lennon ");
possibly("Well, Thurgood Marshall retired, so that wasn't an earthquake we felt last Friday. It was the whole country moving a few inches to the right. "," Jay Leno ");
possibly("I am glad I shall never be young without wild country to be wild in. To what avail are forty freedoms without a blank spot on the map? "," Aldo Leopold ");
possibly("Trouble rather the tiger in his lair than the sage amongst his books. For to you Kingdoms and their armies are things mighty and enduring, but to him they are but toys of the moment, to be overturned by the flicking of a finger. "," LESSONS: Anonymous ");
possibly("Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. "," Jerome Lettvin ");
possibly("Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. "," Oscar Levant ");
possibly("I am no more humble than my talents require. "," Oscar Levant ");
possibly("But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses. "," Bruce Leverett, Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers ");
possibly("Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.' "," C. S. Lewis ");
possibly("Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. "," Sinclair Lewis ");
possibly("A book is a mirror: if an ass peers into it, you can't expect an apostle to look out. "," G. C. Lichtenberg ");
possibly("Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too. "," Lichty & Wagner ");
possibly("Pat's going to win in '92. I'll see to it. I don't care where I have to break into. "," G. Gordon Liddy ");
possibly("Obviously crime pays, or there'd be no crime. "," G. Gordon Liddy ");
possibly("The best way to destroy your enemy is to make him your friend. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("I'm a slow walker, but I never walk back. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("The assertion that 'all men are created equal' was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain, and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races--I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of making voters or jurors of Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people. "," Abraham Lincoln, First Lincoln-Douglas Debate, August 21, 1858 ");
possibly("Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("Do not be deceived. Revolutions do not run backwards. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("If you call a tail a leg, how many legs does a horse have? Four, calling a tail a leg does not make it a leg. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("Prohibition goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man's appetite by legislation and makes crimes out of things that are not crimes. A prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("The world's as ugly as sin, And almost as delightful "," Frederick Locker-Lampson ");
possibly("Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. "," Janet Long ");
possibly("The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: Of course it is none of my business, but -- is to place a period after the word but. Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about. "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("Get a shot off fast, this upsets him long enough to make your second shot perfect. "," Lazarus Long ");
possibly("Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house. "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("Sometimes we talk to ourselves because we are the only ones who will listen "," Longshot ");
possibly("If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. "," Alice Roosevelt Longworth ");
possibly("C code and bboards are my only foods; I forsake all others, except for leaves from the Bodhi tree and water sipped from the bladder of a goat. "," Nathan Loofbourrow ");
possibly("See I am just a frustrated artist. The sex urge feeds into the art urge which feeds into the computing urge. So I have a need to program a ray tracer to fulfill the previous two levels of abstration. "," Nathan Loofbourrow ");
possibly("Couldn't you just masturbate? "," Rick Romero ");
possibly("The NeXT machines don't understand my needs as a man. "," Nathan Loofbourrow ");
possibly("Don't take VICE too seriously; It throws in random bits. "," Dan Lovinger ");
possibly("Some people have compared the security holes in this system to a hole the size that a 747 could fly through. By now, I would imagine it's up in the range of Star Destroyer class. "," Dan Lovinger ");
possibly("Normalize 'er? But I just derived 'er! "," Dan Lovinger, after too much of a Math Methods test ");
possibly("What we see depends on mainly what we look for. "," John Lubbock ");
possibly("War is one of the greatest plagues that can afflict humanity: it destroys religion, it destroys states, it destroys families. Any scourge, in fact, is preferable to it. Famine and pestilence become as nothing in comparison to it. "," Martin Luther ");
possibly("They that have I's shall be blind until their death. "," Lyse ");
possibly("Our government has kept us in a perpetual state of fear -- kept us in a continuous stampede of patriotic fervor -- with the cry of grave national emergency... Always there has been some terrible evil to gobble us up if we did not blindly rally behind it by furnishing the exorbitant sums demanded. Yet, in retrospect, these disasters seem never to have happened, seem never to have been quite real. "," General Douglas MacArthur, 1957 ");
possibly("It must be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to plan, more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to managment than the creation of a new system. For the initiator has the enmity of all who would profit by the preservation of the old institution and merely lukewarm defenders in those who gain by the new ones. "," Machiavelli, The Prince, 1513 ");
possibly("One item could not be deleted because it was missing. "," Mac System 7.0b1 error message ");
possibly("There comes a time in the history of any project when it becomes necessary to shoot the engineers and begin production. "," MacUser, November 1990 ");
possibly("If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy. "," James Madison ");
possibly("'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. "," Malaclypse the Younger ");
possibly("And joy, after all, is the end of life. We do not live to eat and make money. We eat and make money to be able to enjoy life. That is what life means and what life is for. "," George Leigh Mallory ");
possibly("The meta-Turing test counts a thing as intelligent if it seeks to devise and apply Turing tests to objects of its own creation. "," Lew Mammel, Jr. ");
possibly("Likewise, when a long series of identical computations is to be performed, such as those required for the formation of numerical tables, the machine can be brought into play so as to give several results at the same time, which will greatly abridge the whole amount of the processes. "," General L. F. Manabrea, 1842; referring to Charles Babbage's Analytical Engine ");
possibly("Physicists are mathematicians in a hurry. "," B. Mandelbrot ");
possibly("A house without books is like a room without windows. "," Horace Mann ");
possibly("If it's against state law, it's generally considered a breach of Etiquette. "," Ms. Manners ");
possibly("There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man. "," Groucho Marx ");
possibly("Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "," Groucho Marx ");
possibly("Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "," Groucho Marx ");
possibly("Oh, I know it's a penny here and a penny there, but look at me. I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty. "," Groucho Marx, Monkey Business ");
possibly("Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now, uh... Now you tell me what you know. "," Groucho Marx, Animal Crackers ");
possibly("I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it. "," Groucho Marx ");
possibly("I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. "," Groucho Marx, 1890-1977 ");
possibly("Religion is the opium of the people. "," Karl Marx ");
possibly("You're free to be as much of an asshole as you wish -- as long as I'm not paying for it. "," Todd Masco ");
possibly("All I ask is a tall ship, and a star to steer her by. "," John Masefield ");
possibly("If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. "," Abraham Maslow ");
possibly("Everything that exists exists in some degree, and if it exists in some degree then it ough to be measured. "," Mathematicians' Bill of Rights ");
possibly("It is bad luck to be superstitious. "," Andrew W. Mathis ");
possibly("Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. "," W. Somerset Maughm ");
possibly("If a nation values anything more than freedom, it will lose its freedom; and the irony of it is that if it is comfort or money it values more, it will lose that, too. "," W. Somerset Maugham ");
possibly("You know, of course, that the Tasmanians, who never committed adultery, are now extinct. "," W. Somerset Maugham ");
possibly("Only a mediocre person is always at his best. "," W. Somerset Maugham ");
possibly("Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. "," W. Somerset Maugham ");
possibly("War must be looked upon as a business, and subject, like any other business, to business principles. War is the business of destruction of life and property of an enemy.....The most deadly and destructive implements of war are the most humane, and the producers of them may justly be looked upon as humanitarians. "," Hudson Maxim ");
possibly("Now, the first thing to remember is: always treat your kite just like your woman.; How do you mean sir, you mean take her home on the weekend to meet your mother?; NO, I mean get inside of her five times a day and take her to Heaven and back! "," Rik Mayall as Colonel Lord Flash Flasheart, in BlackAdder Goes Forth ");
possibly("Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. "," Charles McCabe ");
possibly("Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. "," Charlie McCarthy ");
possibly("The measure on a man's real character is what he would do if he knew he would never be found out. "," Thomas McCauley ");
possibly("Irrigation of the land with sewater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'. "," Michael McClary ");
possibly("The first rule of magic is simple. Don't waste you time waving your hands and hopping when a rock or a club will do. "," McCloctnick the Lucid ");
possibly("I am not an Economist. I am an honest man! "," Paul McCracken ");
possibly("Unix is not a A-ha experience, it is more of a holy-shit experience. "," Colin McFadyen in alt.folklore.computers ");
possibly("The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat. "," John McNulty ");
possibly("You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. "," Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict ");
possibly("To the last, I grapple with thee; From Hell's heart, I stab at thee; For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee. "," Herman Melville, Moby Dick ");
possibly("There are some people who read too much: the bibliobibuli. I know some who are constantly drunk on books, as other men are drunk on whiskey or religion. They wander through this most diverting and stimulating of worlds in a haze, seeing nothing and hearing nothing. "," H.L. Mencken ");
possibly("After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. "," H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare ");
possibly("The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("If, after I depart this vale, you ever remember me and have thought to please my ghost, forgive some sinner and wink your eye at some homely girl. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want and deserve to get it good and hard. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("An idealist is one who, on noticing that a rose smells better than a cabbage, concludes that it will also make better soup. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("The older I grow the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office. "," H.L. Mencken ");
possibly("A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. "," Henry Louis Mencken ");
possibly("The American public knows what it wants, and deserves to get it good and hard. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. "," H.L. Mencken ");
possibly("To consider persons and events and situations only in the light of their effect upon myself is to live on the doorstep of Hell. "," Thomas Merton ");
possibly("Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, and they'll call you crazy. "," Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul ");
possibly("We could have set up our machines as Andrew workstations and relied solely on Computing & Communications and AC&M for software and support. However, our early experiences with Andrew led us to choose another path. "," Mike Meyer, Nov. 1991 _Cursor_, on the Statistics department computer setup ");
possibly("An age is called Dark not because the light fails to shine, but because people refuse to see it. "," James Michner, Space ");
possibly("When the grammar checker identifies an error, it suggests a correction and can even makes some changes for you. "," Microsoft Word for Windows 2.0 User's Guide, p.35: ");
possibly("War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse. The person who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself. "," John Stewart Mill ");
possibly("...all ideas need to be heard, because each idea contains one aspect of the truth. By examining that aspect, we add to our own idea of the truth. Even ideas that have no truth in them whatsoever are useful because by disproving them, we add support to our own ideas. "," John Stuart Mill, On Liberty ");
possibly("Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so. "," John Stuart Mill ");
possibly("Queensboro president Donald Mannis, charged with receiving bribes in exchange for city contracts, resigned on Tuesday. Mannis feels he must devote more time to impending litigation, some of which might emanate from a recent statement he made comparing New York Mayor Ed Koch to Nazi Martin Bormann. A spokesman from the Bormann estate said they are weighing the odds of a slander suit. Mayor Koch could naturally be reached for comment, but we chose not to listen. "," Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live ");
possibly("That's the news, and I am outta here! "," Dennis Miller, Saturday Night Live ");
possibly("You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. "," Olin Miller ");
possibly("I've created a new college council and we're going to submit the proposal to them as soon as they exist. "," Phil Miller ");
possibly("What hath night to do with sleep? "," John Milton ");
possibly("I bet the human brain is a kludge. "," Marvin Minsky ");
possibly("The fan awaits the shit, madame. "," Moliere's The Misanthrope ");
possibly("Science has proof without any certainty. Creationists have certainty without any proof. "," Ashley Montague ");
possibly("Listen, strange women, lyin' in ponds, distributin' swords, is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives itself from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony. "," Monty Python and the Holy Grail ");
possibly("Those who curse the universe, curse that which is deaf. Those who shake their fists, shake them at blind stars. "," Michael Moorcock ");
possibly("Bean, I still haven't had a Macintosh walk up to me and give me a blow job.; You're not treating them right. "," Hugh Moore and Bean ");
possibly("Figure out howl long it'll take, and multiply by two. (Significant pause) The hard part is figuring how many times to multiply by two. "," Roger Moore ");
possibly("You don't *run* programs on Ultrix. "," Mark Moraes ");
possibly("Right, you chase them. "," Rayan Zachariassen ");
possibly("We are on a threshold of a change in the universe comparable to the transition from nonlife to life. "," Hans Moravec on artificial intelligence ");
possibly("The mail transport mechanism is trivial. "," Jim Morris ");
possibly("The person who walks alone is soon trailed by the FBI. "," Wright Morris ");
possibly("Architects believe that not only do they sit at the right hand of God, but that if God ever gets up, they take the chair. "," Karen Moyer, Design ");
possibly("It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious. "," Edsel Murphy ");
possibly("No job too big; no fee too big! ","Bill Murray as Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghost-busters ");
possibly("Jews always know two things: suffering and where to find great Chinese food. "," My Favorite Year ");
possibly("The best way to keep one's word, is not to give it. "," Napoleon ");
possibly("It follows that any commander in chief who undertakes to carry out a plan which he considers defective is at fault; he must put forth his reasons, insist of the plan being changed, and finally tender his resignation rather than be the instrument of his army's downfall. "," Napoleon, Military Maxims and Thought ");
possibly("Religion is what keeps the poor from murdering the rich. "," Napoleon ");
possibly("The genius of you Americans is that you never make clear-cut stupid moves, only complicated stupid moves which make us wonder at the possibility that there may be something to them we are missing. "," Gamel Abdel Nasser ");
possibly("I drink to make other people interesting. "," George Jean Nathan ");
possibly("Probabilities are not very interesting when you are dead. "," Peter G. Neumann ");
possibly("I don't mind occasionally having to reinvent a wheel; I don't even mind using someone's reinvented wheel occassionally. But it helps a lot if it is symmetric, contains no fewer than ten sides, and has the axle centered. I do tire of trapezoidal wheels with offset axles "," Joseph M. Newcomer ");
possibly("Theories are more like graduate students - once admitted you try hard to avoid flunking them out, it being much better for them and for the world if they can become long term contributors to society "," Allen Newell ");
possibly("If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants. "," Isaac Newton ");
possibly("Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools. "," 1921 New York Times editorial ");
possibly("Finding out what goes on in the CIA is like performing acupuncture on a rock. "," New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981 ");
possibly("Who are you and how did you get in here?; I'm a locksmith. And, I'm a locksmith. "," Leslie Nielsen as Lieutenant Frank Drebins, Police Squad! (in color) ");
possibly("In Germany, they came first for the Communists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn't speak up because I was Protestant. Then they came for me, and by that time no one was left to speak up. "," Rev. Martin Niemoeller ");
possibly("It is not enough to prove something, one also has to seduce or elevate people to it. That is why the man of knowledge should learn how to speak his wisdom: and often in such a way that it sounds like folly! "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("Little prigs and three-quarter madmen may have the conceit that the laws of nature are constantly broken for their sakes. "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("He divines remedies against injuries; he knows how to turn serious accidents to his own advantage; whatever does not kill him makes him stronger. "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("Insanity is the exception in individuals. In groups, parties, people, and times, it is the rule. "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("... the Earth hath skin, and the skin hath diseases. One of these... is called man. "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent. "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("The masses seem to me worthy of notice in only three respects: first as blurred copies of great men, produced on bad paper with worn plates, further as a resistance to the great, and finally as the tools of the great; beyond that, may the devil and statistics take them "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("It is hard enough to remember my opinions, without also remembering my reasons for them! "," Nietzsche ");
possibly("Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("At times one remains faithful to a cause only because its opponents do not cease to be insipid. "," Nietzsche ");
possibly("Please, Captain. Not in front of the Klingons. "," Leonard Nimoy as Spock in Star Trek V, The Final Frontier ");
possibly("It's a nitwit idea. Nitwit ideas are for emergencies. The rest of the time you go by the Book, which is mostly a collection of nitwit ideas that worked. "," Niven and Pournelle, The Mote in God's Eye ");
possibly("I also believe that academic freedom should protect the right of a professor or student to advocate Marxism, socialism, communism, or any other minority viewpoint -- no matter how distasteful to the majority. "," Richard M. Nixon ");
possibly("I think Congress has spent enough time on ethics. I think its time they moved on to something else. "," Richard M. Nixon ");
possibly("Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the Presidency. "," Richard M. Nixon ");
possibly("If I could find a way to get [Saddam Hussein] out of there, even putting a contract out on him, if the CIA still did that sort of a thing, assuming it ever did, I would be for it. "," Richard M. Nixon ");
possibly("All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. "," Sean O'Casey ");
possibly("A penny for your thoughts?; A dollar for your death. "," The Odd Couple ");
possibly("America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization. "," John O'Hara ");
possibly("A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. "," O'Henry ");
possibly("Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. "," Olivier ");
possibly("There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. "," Ken Olson, President, Digital Equipment, 1977 ");
possibly("THE NEBRASKA STATE MOTTO: `I dunno. What do you wanna do?' "," Sharon O'Neil ");
possibly("Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man. "," J. Robert Oppenheimer, speaking of Albert Einstein ");
possibly("In some sort of crude sense which no vulgarity, no humor, no overstatement, can quite extinguish, the physicists have known sin; and this is a knowledge which they cannot lose. "," J. Robert Oppenheimer ");
possibly("If the radiance of a thousand suns were to burst at once into the sky that would be like the splendor of the Mighty One... I am become Death, the Shatterer of Worlds. "," J. Robert Oppenheimer, quoting The Bhagavad Gita, Alamogordo, New Mexico, 1945 ");
possibly("The aim of a joke is not to degrade the human being, but to remind him that he is already degraded. "," George Orwell ");
possibly("After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. "," P. J. O'Rourke ");
possibly("The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treat the patient who has the disease. "," Sir William Osler ");
possibly("I am not an actor- I'm a movie star! "," Peter O'Toole in My Favorite Year ");
possibly("When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. "," Thomas Paine ");
possibly("These are the times that try men's souls. The summer soldier and the sunshine patriot will, in this crisis, shrink from the service of their country; but he that stands it now, deserves the love and thanks of our men and women. Tyranny, like Hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheap, we esteem too lightly: it is dearness only that gives every thing its value. "," Thomas Paine ");
possibly("Whenever we read the obscene stories, the voluptuous debaucheries, the cruel and torturous executions, the unrelenting vindictiveness, with which more than half the bible is filled, it would seem more consistent that we called it the word of a demon than the Word of God. It is a history of wickedness that has served to corrupt and brutalize mankind... "," Thomas Paine ");
possibly("...and how are you going to make education easy? You might as well try to build an athlete by keeping him in a hammock with cream puffs and beer. "," Edgar Pangborn ");
possibly("This novel is not to be tossed lightly aside, but to be hurled with great force. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("Math is the art of avoiding computation. "," B Parlett (UC Professor), 1989. ");
possibly("When anyone says `theoretically,' they really mean `not really.' "," David Parnas ");
possibly("I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room. "," Blaise Pascal ");
possibly("The heart has its reasons which reason knows nothing of. "," Blaise Pascal ");
possibly("We are upping our standards,...so up yours. "," Pat Paulsen for President, 1988 ");
possibly("An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides. "," John H. Patterson ");
possibly("You don't win a war by dying for your country, you win a war by making the other poor bastard die for his country "," George S. Patton ");
possibly("Practically everyone but myself is a pusillanimous son of a bitch. "," George S. Patton, Letter to Col. Codman, 1945. ");
possibly("Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. "," Gen George S. Patton, _War As I Knew It_ (1947) ");
possibly("If there is a 50-50 chance that something can go wrong, then 9 times out of ten it will. "," Paul Harvey News, 1979 ");
possibly("This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. "," Wolfgang Pauli, on a paper submitted by a physicist colleague. ");
possibly("Development of hydro power in the desert of north Africa awaits only the introduction of water... "," Peaceful uses of Nuclear Explosives ");
possibly("Science is one thing and Wisdom is another. Science is an edged tool, with which men play like children, and cut their own fingers. "," Thomas Love Peacock ");
possibly("A masterful retreat is itself a victory. "," N. V. Peale ");
possibly("He who does not bellow the truth when he knows the truth makes himself the accomplice of liars and forgers. "," Charles Peguy ");
possibly("Let our recreations be innocent and pursued with moderation: and never let us suffer irregular indulgences to expose our character to derision and contempt. "," Pennsylvania Freemasonry ");
possibly("You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of Fortran. "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical? "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble. "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("A Lisp programmer knows the value of everything, but the cost of nothing. "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("The computing field is always in need of new cliches. "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine. "," Fritz Perls ");
possibly("If you don't know what to do, call the media and at least give the appearance of doing something. "," David Peterson ");
possibly("Genius is lasting 5 minutes longer than the other side. "," Donald Petersen ");
possibly("American induction is when you do something three times and get the idea. "," Dr. Karl Petersen (UNC Professor) ");
possibly("We trained hard, but it seemed every time we were beginning to form up into teams, we would be reorganised. I was to learn later in life that we tend to meet any new situation by reorganising, and a wonderful method it can be for creating the illusion of progress while producing confusion, inefficiency and demoralisation "," Petronii Arbitri Satyricon, AD 66, attr. to Gaius Petronus ");
possibly("What is defeat? Nothing but education, nothing but the first step toward something better. "," Wendell Phillips ");
possibly("We must never forget that the ultimate purpose of an explosive is to explode. "," Petri Pihko ");
possibly("The highest form of pure thought is in mathematics. "," Plato ");
possibly("In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain. "," Pliny the Elder ");
possibly("Prosperity tries the fortunate: adversity the great. "," Pliny the Younger ");
possibly("Science is facts; just as houses are made of stones, so is science made of facts; but a pile of stones is not a house and a collection of facts is not necessarily science. "," Henri Poincaire ");
possibly("Where a calculator on the ENIAC is equpped with 18,000 vaccuum tubes and weighs 30 tons, computers in the future may have only 1,000 vaccuum tubes and perhaps weigh 1 1/2 tons. "," Popular Mechanics, March 1949 ");
possibly("Committees are, by nature, timid. They are based on the premise of safety in numbers; content to survive inconspicuously, rather than take risks and move independantly ahead. Without independence, without the freedom for new ideas to be tried, to fail, and to ultimately succeed, the world will not move ahead, but live in fear of its own potential. "," Prof. Dr. Ing. h.c. F. Porsche ");
possibly("If one does not fail at times, then one has not challenged himself "," Prof. Dr. Ing. h.c. F. Porsche ");
possibly("The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little. "," Porterfield ");
possibly("One murder makes a villain, millions a hero. "," Beilby Porteus ");
possibly("Strike suddenly, decisively, and in sufficient force to resolve the matter. Do it quickly, and do it with minimum loss of life. "," General Colin Powell ");
possibly("A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered; I don't know and I don't care "," Richard Pratt, Pacific Computer Weekly, 20 July 1990 ");
possibly("In ecology, as in economics, TANSTAAFL (There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch) is intended to warn that every gain is won at some cost. Failure to recognize the 'no free lunch' law causes the buffalo-hunter mentality syndrome -- the unthinking assumption that there will always be plenty because there always has been plenty. "," Dr. Robert W. Prehoda ");
possibly("Life's a bitch, and life's got lots of sisters. "," Ross Presser ");
possibly("We're going to use prototypes?!? Oh. My. God! "," Josh Pritikin ");
possibly("It worked once; it's got to work every time. "," Josh Pritikin ");
possibly("A city is a large community where people are lonesome together "," Herbert Prochnow ");
possibly("What do they call a comedian who doesn't get any laughs? A philosopher. "," Phil Proctor ");
possibly("It is seldom indeed that one parts on good terms, because if one were on good terms, one would not part. "," Marcel Proust ");
possibly("Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. "," Putt's Law ");
possibly("If we don't succeed, then we run the risk of failure. "," Dan Quayle ");
possibly("...Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional. "," Professor Brian Quinn ");
possibly("A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. "," Don Quinn ");
possibly("We're engineers. What's Pi? Oh, about three "," Jen Quiren ");
possibly("Yes, but it is more regularly noted as being in the order of ten to the first. "," Christy ");
possibly("I don't want to be a software engineer. I want to design weapons of mass destruction. "," Jen Quirin (attributed) ");
possibly("So you think that money is the root of all evil. Have you ever asked what is the root of money? "," Ayn Rand ");
possibly("I feel Clinton's opposing the Vietnam War isn't an issue, and I probably would have done the same. As far as Clinton supposedly cheating on his wife, what do people think he's going to do? Be president of another country while he's president of ours? "," Tom R., age 12, Woodstock, IL in the Chicago Tribune, 11/3/92. ");
possibly("You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake. "," Jeannette Rankin ");
possibly("I hate life, I hate death and everything in between just doesn't interest me. "," Chris Rapier ");
possibly("Mister Order, he runs a very good pace But old Mother Chaos is winning the race. "," Lord Omar Khayaam Ravenhurst K.S.C. ");
possibly("Imposition of Order = Escalation of Chaos. "," Lord Omar Khayaam Ravenhurst K.S.C. ");
possibly("Options to reboot are:
-n Avoids the sync. It can be used if a disk or the processor is on fire. "," reboot(8) ");
possibly("There will be more white belts there than you can shake a stick at ... safely. "," Red ");
possibly("In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. "," Chuck Reid ");
possibly("Property in ideas is an insoluble contradiction. [He who complains of theft of his idea] complains that something has been stolen which he still possesses, and he wants back something which, if given to him a thousand times, would add nothing to his possession. "," H. Rentzsch, Geistiges Eigenthum, 1866. ");
possibly("The quality of the crate matters little. It is the quality of the man sitting in the crate that counts "," Baron von Richtofen, aka The Red Baron ");
possibly("Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the sky. "," Rainer Rilke ");
possibly("Mind you, not as bad as the night Archie Pettigrew ate some sheep's testicles for a bet... God, that bloody sheep kicked him... "," Ripping Yarns ");
possibly("There are a lot of standards committees "," Dennis Ritchee referring to UNIX standards ");
possibly("Steve Jobs has said that Xwindows is brain-damaged and will disappear in two years. He got it half right. "," (reportedly) Dennis Ritchie ");
possibly(" I came here to say that I do not recognize anyone's right to one minute of my life. Nor to any part of my energy. Nor to any achievement of mine. No matter who makes the claim, how large their number or how great their need. "," Howard Roark ");
possibly("Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. "," Tom Robbins ");
possibly("Typos in FINNEGANS WAKE? How could you tell? "," Kim Stanley Robinson ");
possibly("If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron. "," Spider Robinson, MindKiller ");
possibly("...while I know many people who emphatically believe in reincarnation, I have never met or read one who could satisfactorily explain population growth. "," Spider Robinson ");
possibly("I believe that the power to make money is a gift from God. "," John D. Rockefeller ");
possibly("Only a brave person is willing honestly to admit, and fearlessly to face, what a sincere and logical mind discovers. "," Rodan of Alexandria ");
possibly("Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, 'How is the president?' "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("Government spending? I don't know what it's all about. I don't know any more about this thing than an economist does, and, God knows, he doesn't know much. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing -- and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("There is not a man in the country that can't make a living for himself and family. But he can't make a living for them *and* his government, too, the way his government is living. What the government has got to do is live as cheap as the people. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("Nothing you can't spell will ever work. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("You can't say civilizations don't advance...in every war they kill you in a new way. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("I don't care how poor and inefficient a little country is; they like to run their own business. I know men that would make my wife a better husband than I am; but, darn it, I'm not going to give her to 'em. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("Liberty don't work as good in practice as it does in speeches. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("I see a good deal of talk from Washington about lowering taxes. I hope they do get 'em lowered down enough so people can afford to pay 'em. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("On account of us being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("People love high ideals, but they got to be about 33-percent plausible. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("I see where we are starting to pay some attention to our neigbors to the south. We could never understand why Mexico wasn't just crazy about us; for we have always had their good will, and oil and minerals, at heart. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. "," Andy Rooney ");
possibly("We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it. "," Andy Rooney ");
possibly("I have one of those real old American built cars. The kind that just PUNCHES through accidents. "," Kevin Rooney ");
possibly("No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. "," Eleanor Roosevelt ");
possibly("A conservative is a man with two perfectly good legs who has never learned to walk. "," Franklin D. Roosevelt ");
possibly("I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird, and not enough the bad luck of the early worm. "," Franklin D. Roosevelt ");
possibly("Do what you can, with what you have, where you are. "," Theodore Roosevelt ");
possibly("The great virtue of my radicalism lies in the fact that I am perfectly ready, if necessary, to be radical on the conservative side. "," Theodore Roosevelt ");
possibly("When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' "," Theodore Roosevelt ");
possibly("The best executive is one who has sense enough to pick good people to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it. "," Theodore Roosevelt ");
possibly("Conservative: One who admires radicals centuries after they're dead. "," Leo C. Rosten ");
possibly("The race may not always be to the swift nor the victory to the strong, but that's how you bet. "," Damon Runyon ");
possibly("I long ago came to the conclusion that all life is six to five against. "," Damon Runyon ");
possibly("Many people would rather die than think; in fact, most do. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("'Change' is scientific, 'progress' is ethical; change is indubitable, whereas progress is a matter of controversy. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the will to find out, which is the exact opposite. "," Bertrand Russell, Sceptical Essays, 1928 ");
possibly("In all things it is a good idea to hang a question mark now and then on the things we have taken for granted. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. "," John Russell ");
possibly("What IS a `moderate Iranian', anyway? Someone who takes hostages but doesn't eat them? "," Mark Russell ");
possibly("Eternal peace lasts only until the next war. "," Russian Proverb ");
possibly("Pray to God, but keep rowing to shore. "," Russian Proverb ");
possibly("Write-Protect Tab, n: A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly left by disk manufacturers. The use of the tab creates an error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the momentary inconvenience. "," Robb Russon ");
possibly("All science is either physics or stamp collecting. "," E. Rutherford ");
possibly("You should never bet against anything in science at odds of more than about 10-12 to 1. "," Ernest Rutherford ");
possibly("Life always sucks. It's just that sometimes that feels very good. "," Kevin Ryan ");
possibly("All military type firearms are to be handed in immediately... The SS, SA and Stahlhelm give every respectable German man the opportunity of campaigning with them. Therefore anyone who does not belong to one of the above named organisations and who unjustifiably nevertheless keeps his weapon... must be regarded as an enemy of the national government. "," SA Oberfuhrer of Bad Tolz, March, 1933. ");
possibly("You say that my way of thinking cannot be tolerated? What of it? The man who alters his way of thinking to suit others is a fool. My way of thinking is the result of my reflections. It is part of my inner being, the way I am made. I do not contradict them, and would not even if I wished to. For my system, which you disapprove of, is also my greatest comfort in life, the source of all my happiness --- it means more to me than my life itself. "," Marquis de Sade ");
possibly("A poor fool indeed is he who adopts a manner of thinking (meant) for others! "," Donatien-Alphonse-Francois de Sade ");
possibly("Knowing how things work is the basis for appreciation, and is thus a source of civilized delight. "," William Safire ");
possibly("In science it often happens that scientists say, 'You know that's a really good argument; my position is mistaken,' and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn't happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time someting like that happened in politics or religion. "," Carl Sagan, 1987 CSICOP Keynote Address ");
possibly("All of the books in the world contain no more information than is broadcast as video in a single large American city in a single year. Not all bits have equal value. "," Carl Sagan ");
possibly("It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. "," Carl Sagan ");
possibly("Skeptical scrutiny is the means, in both science and religion, by which deep insights can be winnowed from deep nonsense. "," Carl Sagan ");
possibly("The universe is not required to be in perfect harmony with human ambition. "," Carl Sagan ");
possibly("Who are we? We find that we live on an insignificant planet of a humdrum star lost in a galaxy tucked away in some forgotten corner of a universe in which there are far more galaxies than people. "," Carl Sagan ");
possibly("In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe. "," Carl Sagan, Cosmos ");
possibly("A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism. "," Carl Sagan, Contact ");
possibly("But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. "," Carl Sagan ");
possibly("In an optimal world, I would not be necessary. "," James Price Salsman ");
possibly("Remember folks. Street lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph. "," Jim Samuels ");
possibly("This is no time to act like a gentleman. I am a cad and shall react like one. "," George Sanders ");
possibly("Skepticism is the chastity of the intellect, and it is shameful to surrender it too soon or to the first comer: there is nobility in preserving it coolly and proudly through long youth, until at last, in the ripeness of instinct and discretion, it can be safely exchanged for fidelity and happiness. "," George Santayana ");
possibly("My atheism, like that of Spinoza, is true piety towards the universe and denies only gods fashioned by men in their own image, to be servants of their human interests. "," George Santayana ");
possibly("Each religion, by the help of more or less myth which it takes more or less seriously, proposes some method of fortifying the human soul and enabline it to make its peace with its destiny. "," George Santayana ");
possibly("There is no cure for birth and death save to enjoy the interval. "," George Santayana ");
possibly("Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored. "," George Saunders' dying words ");
possibly("Recently, my personal advisors have beeen telling me to go to America. Actually, people have been walking up to me in the street and telling me to sod off, but that's the same thing, isn't it? "," Alexi Sayle ");
possibly("Americans have different ways of saying things. They say `elevator', we say `lift'...they say `President', we say `stupid psychopathic git'.... "," Alexi Sayle ");
possibly("Oh, what tangled webs we weave, When we first practice to deceive. "," Sir Walter Scott ");
possibly("If someone tells you that the fully armored man of the Middle Ages was so encumbered by his armor that he could not rise if he fell, you may well ask yourself, first, if it is reasonable to assume that professional soldiers would go on wearing armor that kept them from fighting and second, if this theory is in line with what you know of the heavily armored men of your personal acquaintance. "," Niccola Sebastiani ");
possibly("He should be most proud that the PMRC wants to put their obscene lyrics sticker on his `Jazz From Hell' -- which is an instrumental album. "," Tony Shepps ");
possibly("Immortality -- a fate worse than death. "," Edgar A. Shoaff ");
possibly("If you want to know your true opinion of someone, watch the effect produced in you by the first sight of a letter from him. "," Arthur Schopenhauer ");
possibly("For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum. "," J.W. Schopf ");
possibly("Grapenut is working, but it is working as Chestnut. The cables have been switched, so Chestnut printing continues even though Chestnut the printer is in bed with a cold. Grapenut printing has been halted, even though Grapenut the printer is printing under an assumed name (Chestnut). "," Jason Schreibeis, from an Operations ser ");
possibly("If we are going to stick to this damned quantum-jumping, then I regret that I ever had anything to do with quantum theory. "," Erwin Schrodinger ");
possibly("If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. "," Norm Schryer ");
possibly("No problem is so formidable that you can't walk away from it. "," C. Schutlz ");
possibly("Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius -- and a lot of courage -- to move in the opposite direction. "," E. F. Schumacher ");
possibly("As far as Saddam Hussein being a great military strategist, he is neither a strategist, nor is he schooled in the operational arts, nor is he a tactician, nor is he a general, nor is he as a soldier. Other than that, he's a great military man, I want you to know that. "," General Norman Schwarzkopf, 2/27/91 ");
possibly("They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist----- "," General John Sedgewick, Union Army Last Words, 1864 ");
possibly("One form to rule them all, one form to find them, one form to bring them all and in the darkness rewrite the hell out of them "," sendmail ruleset 3 comment from DEC. ");
possibly("...adults are just obsolete children and the hell with them. "," Dr. Seuss (as quoted in his obit in Time) ");
possibly("Insisting on perfect safety is for people who don't have the balls to live in the real world. "," Mary Shafer, NASA Ames Dryden ");
possibly("To thine own self be true -; And it must follow as the night the day; Thou canst not be false to any man "," William Shakespeare ");
possibly("'It is generally agreed that Hello is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said Goodbye, it could confuse a lot of people.' "," Dolph Sharp, I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot ");
possibly("One of the advantages of being a captain is being able to ask for advice without necessarily having to take it. "," William Shatner as Kirk, in Dagger of the Mind ");
possibly("I'm from Iowa, I only work in space. "," William Shatner as Kirk, in Star Trek IV:The Voyage Home ");
possibly("Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it "," G. B. Shaw ");
possibly("Do you know what a pessimist is? A person who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself and hates them for it. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("Except during the nine months before he draws his first breath, no man manages his affairs as well as a tree does. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("Life is a disease; and the only diference between one another is the stage of the disease at which he lives. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation. "," George Benard Shaw ");
possibly("I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("Democracy is a device that insures we shall be governed no better than we deserve. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("England and America are two countries seperated by the same language. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("Success covers a multitude of blunders. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("She had lost the art of conversation, but not, unfortunately, the power of speech. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. "," GB Shaw ");
possibly("The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("Common sense is instinct. Enough of it is genius. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters. "," Solomon Short ");
possibly("Nature abhors a hero. For one thing, he violates the law of conservation of energy. For another, how can it be the survival of the fittest when the fittest keeps putting himself in situations where he is most likely to be creamed? "," Solomon Short ");
possibly("The only winner in the War of 1812 was Tchaikovsky "," Solomon Short ");
possibly("Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic. "," Jean Sibelius ");
possibly("Life is too important to take seriously. "," Corky Siegel ");
possibly("X windows. It could be worse, but it'll take time. "," from a SIGGRAPH flyer ");
possibly("BUGS: This manual page is still confusing "," sigvec(2), BSD 4.3 ");
possibly("Ahhh. A man with a sharp wit. Someone ought to take it away from him before he cuts himself. "," Peter da Silva ");
possibly("Of course they can't trust the users. That's part of the Prime Directive. "," Chuck Silvers, about the powers-that-be ");
possibly("Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed. "," Ray Simard ");
possibly("Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers. "," Ray Simard ");
possibly("In the beginning was the word. But by the time the second word was added to it, there was trouble. For with it came syntax... "," John Simon ");
possibly("When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself. "," Isaac Bashevis Singer ");
possibly("[Jupiter's] satellites are invisible to the naked eye and therefore can have no influence on the Earth and therefore would be useless and therefore do not exist. "," Francesco Sizi, quoted by T. Cox ");
possibly("Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten "," B.F. Skinner ");
possibly("The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. "," John Sladek ");
possibly("Trust me... I know what I'm doing. "," Sledge Hammer ");
possibly("We have given away far too many freedoms in order to be free. Now it's time to take some back. "," George Smiley ");
possibly("I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to. "," Yakov Smirnoff ");
possibly("He had occasional flashes of silence, that made his conversation perfectly delightful. "," Sydney Smith, referring to Macaulay ");
possibly("DEC achieved this by an aggresive design that uses a lower-than-usual voltage (3.5V), unusually thick metal layers in a three-layer design, and very high power consumption (30 watts---one DEC engineer, in response to a question about whether this chip would be suitable for palmtops, replied that it might be more suited for building a toaster oven). "," Matthew Smosna and Robert B. K. Dewar, Analyzing Alpha's Architecture, _Open_Systems_Today_ ");
possibly("I see your point. And raise you a line "," Elliot Smorodinsky ");
possibly("Red meat is NOT bad for you. Now blue-green meat, THAT'S bad for you! "," Tommy Smothers ");
possibly("Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. "," Senator Soaper ");
possibly("Do not be angry with me if I tell you the truth. "," Socrates ");
possibly("Tell the Truth and run. "," Yugoslav proverb ");
possibly("The intelligence of the driver is inversely proportional to the height of his tires. "," Sokol's Law ");
possibly("The man the state has put in place must have obedient hearing to his least command when it is right, and even when it's not. "," Sophocles ");
possibly("The only truly secure system is one that is powered off, cast in a block of concrete and sealed in a lead-lined room with armed guards -- and even then I have my doubts. "," Eugene H. Spafford ");
possibly("We Americans want peace, and it is now evident that we must be prepared to demand it. For other peoples have wanted peace, and the peace they received was the peace of death. "," the Most Rev. Francis J. Spellman, Archbishop of New York. 22 September, 1940 ");
possibly("Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals. "," Henry Spencer ");
possibly("Those who do not understand Unix are condemned to reinvent it - poorly. "," Henry Spencer ");
possibly("We're thinking about upgrading from SunOS 4.1.1 to SunOS 3.5. "," Henry Spencer ");
possibly("A Multitasking Timex Sinclair "," Matt Sorrels in reference to Andrew running X-Windows ");
possibly("Start slow and taper off. "," Walt Stack ");
possibly("Science cannot stop while ethics catches up -- and nobody should expect scientists to do all the thinking for the country. "," Elvin Stackman ");
possibly("If addiction is judged by how long a dumb animal will sit pressing a lever to get a fix of something, to its own detriment, then I would conclude that netnews is far more addictive than cocaine. "," Rob Stampfli ");
possibly("If the programmer can simulate a construct faster then the compiler can implement the construct itself, then the compiler writer has blown it badly. "," Guy L. Steele, Jr., Tartan Laboratories ");
possibly("The mark of an immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of a mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one. "," William Stekel ");
possibly("Distributed file systems are a cruel hoax. "," Zalman Stern, former ITC hacker diety ");
possibly("When faced with a problem, some people say 'Let's use AWK.' Now they have two problems. "," Zalman Stern ");
possibly("The problem with the cutting edge is that someone has to bleed. "," Zalman Stern ");
possibly("This is the most unprofessional production I've ever worked on! Nobody knows where they're going, or what they're doing, except, of course, for *ME* "," Steve, The Wizard of Speed and Time ");
possibly("While today's digital hardware is extremely impressive, it is clear that the human retina's real time performance goes unchallenged. Actually to simulate 10 milliseconds of the complete processing of even a single nerve cell from the retina would require the solution of about 500 simultaneous nonlinear differential equations 100 times and would take at least several minutes of time on a Cray supercomputer. Keeping in mind that there are 10 million or more such cells interacting with each other in complex ways, it would take a minimum of 100 years of Cray time to simulate what takes place in your eye many times each second. "," John K. Stevens, Reverse Engineering the Brain, Byte ");
possibly("A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular. "," Adlai Stevenson ");
possibly("Newpaper editors are men who separate the wheat from the chaff, and then print the chaff. "," Adlai Stevenson ");
possibly("Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. "," Adlai Stevenson ");
possibly("Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code. "," Dave Storer ");
possibly("Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. "," Billy Sunday ");
possibly("Hey Man, I'm drinking wine, eating cheese and catching some rays. "," Donald Sutherland as Oddball, in Kelly's Heros ");
possibly("When the world has once begun to use us ill, it afterwards continues the same treatment with less scruple or ceremony, as men do to a whore. "," Jonathan Swift ");
possibly("Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. "," Publilius Syrus ");
possibly("Those who have never tried electronic communication may not be aware of what a social skill really is. One social skill that must be learned, is that other people have points of view that are not only different, but *threatening*, to your own. In turn, your opinions may be threatening to others. There is nothing wrong with this. Your beliefs need not be hidden behind a facade, as happens with face-to-face conversation. Not everybody in the world is a bosom buddy, but you can still have a meaningful conversation with them. The person who cannot do this lacks in social skills. "," Nick Szabo ");
possibly("Oil prices have fallen lately. We include this news for the benefit of gas stations, which otherwise wouldn't learn of it for six monts. "," Bill Tammeus, in Toronto's National Newspaper, 03/08/91 ");
possibly("The nice thing about standards is that you have so many to choose from. Furthermore, if you do not like any of them, you can just wait for next year's model. "," Tanenbaum, Computer Networks ");
possibly("Better stop short than fill to the brim. Oversharpen the blade, and the edge will soon blunt. Amass a store of gold and jade, and no one can protect it. Claim wealth and titles, and disaster will follow. Retire when the work is done. This is the way of heaven. "," Tao Te Ching ");
possibly("Take your work seriously but never take yourself seriously; and do not take what happens either to yourself or your work seriously. "," Booth Tarkington ");
possibly("The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. "," Elizabeth Taylor ");
possibly("Never write it in C if you can do it in `awk'; Never do it in `awk' if `sed' can handle it; Never use `sed' when `tr' can do the job; Never invoke `tr' when `cat' is sufficient; Avoid using `cat' whenever possible "," Taylor's Laws of Programming ");
possibly("A wizard cannot do everything; a fact most magicians are reticent to admit, let alone discuss with prospective clients. Still, the fact remains that there are certain objects, and people, that are, for one reason or another, completely immune to any direct magical spell. It is for this group of beings that the magician learns the subtleties of using indirect spells. It also does no harm, in dealing with these matters, to carry a large club near your person at all times. "," The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VIII ");
possibly("In the Norse mythology Loki originally was on the side of the rest of the gods, helping them once or twice using a particularly nast forms of trickery. He was a cunning negotiator with a talent for technicalities. He was sort of the Norse equivalent of a lawyer, no doubt the reason they tied him down in a pit dripping acidic venom on him. "," Martin Terman ");
possibly("Reality is that which hurts when you trip over it "," Thag ");
possibly("I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me. "," Hunter S. Thompson ");
possibly("A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the Universal Symphony with God singing solo and the Holy Ghost on drums. "," Hunter S. Thompson ");
possibly("I have a theory that the truth is never told during the 9 to 5 hours. "," Hunter S. Thompson ");
possibly("Just think, IBM and DEC in the same room, and we did it. "," Ken Thompson, quoted by Dennis Ritchie ");
possibly("Andrew is the operating system of the future and always will be. "," Mary R. Thompson ");
possibly("It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. "," Henry David Thoreau, Where I Live ");
possibly("I have learned this at least by my experiment: if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. "," Henry David Thoreau ");
possibly("Why should we be in such desperate haste to succeed, and in such desperate enterprises? If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away. "," H.D. Thoreau, Walden ");
possibly("That man is richest whose pleasures are cheapest. "," Henry David Thoreau ");
possibly("Do not be too moral. You may cheat yourself out of much life so. Aim above morality. Be not simply good; be good for something. "," Henry David Thoreau ");
possibly("Be true to your work, your word, and your friend. "," Thoreau ");
possibly("Its better to know some of the questions, than all of the answers. "," James Thurber ");
possibly("The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. "," Lily Tomlin ");
possibly("We may hope that machines will eventually compete with men in all purely intellectual fields. But which are the best ones to start with? Many people think that a very abstract activity, like the playing of chess, would be best. It can also be maintained that it is best to provide the machine with the best sense organs that money can buy, and then teach it to understand and speak English. "," Alan M. Turing ");
possibly("The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord. "," Turnaucka's Law ");
possibly("Sorry for the disaster. And thanks for your patience! "," Chris Thyberg ");
possibly("Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. "," Henrik Tikkanen ");
possibly("Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence "," Time Bandits ");
possibly("'I wish life was not so short,' he thought. 'Languages take such a time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.' "," J. R. R. Tolkien, The Lost Road ");
possibly("I know that most men, including those at ease with problems of the greatest complexity, can seldom accept even the simplest and most obvious truth if it be such as would oblige them to admit the falsity of conlusions which they have delighted in explaining to colleages, which they have proudly taught to others, and which they have woven, thread by thread, into the fabric of their lives. "," Leo Tolstoy ");
possibly("The strongest of all warriors are these two -- Time and Patience. "," Leo Tolstoy ");
possibly("The American Republic will endure until the day Congress discovers that it can bribe the public with the public's money "," Alexis de Toucqueville ");
possibly("I don't care where I sit, as long as I get fed. "," Calvin Trillin ");
possibly("Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. "," Trotsky ");
possibly("... an OS originally designed for a microprocessor that modern kitchen appliances would sneer at.... "," Dave Trowbridge, about MS-DOS, in _Computer Technology Review_, Aug 90 ");
possibly("If there is one basic element in our Constitution, it is civilian control of the military. "," Harry S. Truman ");
possibly("If you can't convince them, confuse them. "," Harry S. Truman ");
possibly("Whoo-oop! I'm the old original iron-jawed, brass-mounted, copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansaw! Look at me! I'm the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam'd by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly related to the small pox on my mother's side! Look at me! I take nineteen alligators and a bar'l of whisky for breakfast when I'm in robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I'm ailing! I split the everlasting rocks with my glance, and I squench the thunder when I speak! Whoo-oop! Stand back and give me room according to my strength! Blood's my natural drink, and the wails of the dying is music to my ear! Cast your eye on me, gentlemen!--and lay low and hold your breath, for I'm 'bout to turn myself loose! "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his atlantic with his verb in his mouth. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Sacred cows make the best hamburger. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Always acknowledge a fault. This will throw those in authority off their guard and give you an opportunity to commit more. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("How come we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you like. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("There are lies, damned lies, and statistics. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("If a person offend you and you are in doubt as to whether it was intentional or not, do not resort to extreme measures. Simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick. "," Mark Twain, Advice to Youth Speech, 1882 ");
possibly("It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating "," Boss Tweed ");
possibly("We are just tenants on this world. We have just been given a new lease, and a warning from the landlord. "," 2010 ");
possibly("The woman of my dreams knows how to break into systems. "," Doug Tygar ");
possibly("Fundamentalists are to Christianity what paint-by-numbers is to art. "," Robin Tyler ");
possibly("He who knows does not speak, He who speaks does not know. "," Lao Tzu ");
possibly("[Advise] the ruler to govern the state as one cooks a small fish -- that is, don't turn it so often in the pan that it disintegrates. "," Lao Tzu ");
possibly("The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. "," Lao Tzu ");
possibly("To conquer the enemy without resorting to war is the most desirable. The highest form of generalship is to conquer the enemy by strategy. "," Sun Tzu, The Art of War ");
possibly("War is a matter of vital importance to the State; the province of life or death; the road to survival or ruin. It is mandatory that it be thoroughly studied. "," Sun Tzu ");
possibly("As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500 programs -- a process that traditionally requires some debugging. "," USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new computer system. ");
possibly("The biggest things are always the easiest to do because there is no competition. "," William Van Horne ");
possibly("A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. "," Bill Vaughan ");
possibly("All business sagacity reduces itself in the last analysis to judicious use of sabotage. "," Thorstein Veblen ");
possibly("It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. "," Gore Vidal ");
possibly("Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something. "," Last words of Pancho Villa ");
possibly("It's simple. It's just things with chalk on a board. "," Helmut Vogel, when asked to explain a physics equation ");
possibly("Animals have these advantages over man: they never hear the clock strike, they die without any idea of death, they have no theologians to instruct them, their last moments are not disturbed by unwelcome and unpleasant ceremonies, their funerals cost them nothing, and no one starts lawsuits over their wills. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("It is an infantile superstition of the human spirit that virginity would be thought a virtue and not the barrier that separates ignorance from knowledge "," Voltaire ");
possibly("I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous. And God granted it. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("The superfluous is very necessary. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("A witty saying proves nothing. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("Anything too stupid to be said is sung. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree. "," Prof. W. ");
possibly("And for now, just remember, With your shield or on it! "," Sue W. ");
possibly("Who the hell wants to hear actors talk? "," H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927. ");
possibly("One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid. "," J. D. Watson, The Double Helix ");
possibly("I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy. "," Scott Watson ");
possibly("Basic research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. "," Wernher von Braun ");
possibly("Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. "," Wernher von Braun ");
possibly("We can lick gravity, but sometimes the paperwork is overwhelming. "," Wernher von Braun ");
possibly("I have learned to use the word `impossible' with the greatest caution. "," Wernher von Braun ");
possibly("Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before, Bokonon tells us. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. "," Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle ");
possibly("You wake me up early in the morning to tell me I am right? Please wait until I am wrong. "," John von Neumann, on being phoned at 10 a.m. ");
possibly("There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're talking about. "," John von Neumann ");
possibly("There's no sense in being precise when you don't even know what you're talking about "," John von Neumann ");
possibly("Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin. "," John von Neumann ");
possibly("I didn't think it could be done, though given Sun's track record, I suppose that I shouldn't be surprised that they've managed to produce an even worse keyboard than any that they previously had on the market. "," Steve Wadlow ");
possibly("A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. "," George Wald ");
possibly("It won't be covered in the book. The source code has to be useful for something, after all... :-) "," Larry Wall in <10160@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> ");
possibly("Does the same as the system call of that name. If you don't know what it does, don't worry about it. "," Larry Wall in the perl man page regarding chroot(2) ");
possibly("[End of diatribe. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming...] "," Larry Wall in Configure from the perl distribution ");
possibly("It is easier to port a shell than a shell script. "," Larry Wall ");
possibly("No, I'm not going to explain it. If you can't figure it out, you didn't want to know anyway... :-) "," Larry Wall in <1991Aug7.180856.2854@netlabs.com> ");
possibly("Real programmers can write assembly code in any language. :-) "," Larry Wall in <8571@jpl-devvax.JPL.NASA.GOV> ");
possibly("Before the Gulf War started, the Iraqi Army was the the fourth largest in the world. Now, its the second largest army in Iraq. "," Wall Street Journal, March 15, 1991 ");
possibly("I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. "," Joe Walsh ");
possibly("In a cruel and evil world, being cynical can allow you to get some entertainment out of it. "," Daniel Waters ");
possibly("I have already given two cousins to the war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife's brother. "," Artemus Ward ");
possibly("Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness? "," Artemus Ward ");
possibly("They say that time changes things, but actually you have to change them yourself. "," Andy Warhol ");
possibly("Government is not reason; it is not eloquence; it is force! It is a dangerous servant and a terrible master. "," George Washington ");
possibly("At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats. "," The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985 ");
possibly("Now let me explain why this makes intuitive sense. "," Prof. Larry Wasserman ");
possibly("I think there's a world market for about five computers. "," Thomas J Watson, Chairman of the Board, IBM. ");
possibly("Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. "," Bill Watterson, cartoonist ");
possibly("Relative calm is expected in South Central Los Angeles for the next several weeks, as looters stay home and try to program their new VCRs. "," Weekend Update ");
possibly("My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people. "," Orson Welles ");
possibly("In the beginning, there was nothing. And God said, 'Let there be Light.' And there was still nothing. But, you could see it. "," Dave Weinstein (dweinste@isis.cs.du.edu) ");
possibly("The chalk marks are transient, the formulas eternal. "," S. Weinstein ");
possibly("As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. "," Weisert ");
possibly("Man is not a machine... Although man most certainly processes information, he does not necessarily process it in the way computers do. Computers and men are not species of the same genus... However much intelligence computers may attain, now or in the furture, theirs must always be an intelligence alien to genuine human problems and concerns. "," Joseph Weizenbaum ");
possibly("Non-violence is the policy of the vegetable kingdom "," H. G. Wells ");
possibly("The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. "," Walt West ");
possibly("Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes of men. "," Brooke Foss Westcott ");
possibly("This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us. "," Western Union internal memo, 1876. ");
possibly("A coupla months in the laboratory can save a coupla hours in the library. "," Westheimer's Discovery ");
possibly("Two and two continue to make four, in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five. "," James McNeill Whistler ");
possibly("We find no evidence that Congress intended to modify the nostrum to read, 'crime does not pay, except for attorney's fees.' "," Justice Byron R. White ");
possibly("Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. "," E. B. White ");
possibly("Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. "," E. B. White ");
possibly("Any appeasement of tyranny is treason to this republic and to the democratic ideal. "," William Allen White ");
possibly("The art of progress is to preserve order amid change and to preserve change amid order. "," Alfred North Whitehead ");
possibly("Then I realized that I had spelled '-' wrong. "," John Whitmore learns APL ");
possibly("If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. "," Bert Whitney ");
possibly("What most experimenters take for granted before they begin their experiments is infinitely more interesting than any results to which their experiments lead. "," Norbert Wiener ");
possibly("Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself, is that one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("I sometimes think that God, in creating man, overestimated His ability. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Seriousness is the only refuge of the shallow. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("To be good, according to the vulgar standard of goodness, is obviously quite easy. It merely requires a certain amount of sordid terror, a certain lack of imaginative thought, and a certain low passion for middle-class respectability. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("The fact is, that civilization requires slaves. The Greeks were quite right there. Unless there are slaves to do the ugly, horrible, uninteresting work, culture, and contemplation become almost impossible. Human slavery is wrong, insecure, and demoralizing. On mechanical slavery, on the slavery of the machine, the future of the world depends. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("The basis for optimism is sheer terror. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Alas, I am dying beyond my means. "," Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed ");
possibly("Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Action is the last refuge of those who cannot dream. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Why was I born with such contemporaries? "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Only the shallow know themselves. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("To be willing to die for an ideal is to set a rather high price on conjecture. "," Oscar Wilde (?) ");
possibly("The pure and simple truth is rarely pure and never simple. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Wherever you get near the human race, there's just layers and layers of nonsense. "," Thornton Wilder ");
possibly("As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs. "," Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949 ");
possibly("If you want to understand your government, don't begin by reading the Constitution. It conveys precious little of the flavor of today's statecraft. Instead, read selected portions of the Washington telephone directory containing listings for all the organizations with titles beginning with the word `National'. "," George Will ");
possibly("The Berlin Wall is the defining achievement of socialism. "," George Will ");
possibly("Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. "," George Will ");
possibly("I not a typical clueless freshman "," Christian Williams ");
possibly("You're an atypical clueless freshman "," Tom Strong and Jeffro, in stereo. ");
possibly("Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. "," H. H. Williams ");
possibly("If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. "," Earl Wilson ");
possibly("Belief is the death of intelligence. "," Robert Anton Wilson ");
possibly("Only the madman is absolutely sure. "," Robert Anton Wilson ");
possibly("I not only use all the brains that I have, but all that I can borrow. "," Woodrow Wilson ");
possibly("The man who is swimming against the stream knows the strength of it. "," Woodrow Wilson ");
possibly("Nothing recedes like success. "," Walter Winchell ");
possibly("Thats why I was running the debugger, I didn't want it to crash. "," Aaron Wohl ");
possibly("There is no limit to stupidity. Space itself is said to be bounded by its own curvature, but stupidity continues beyond infinity. "," Gene Wolfe ");
possibly("I try to know what I need to know. I make sure to know what I want to know. "," Nero Wolfe ");
possibly("The NY Times is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by the people who think they run the country. The National Enquirer is read by the people who think Elvis is alive and running the country... "," Robert J. Woodhead ");
possibly("An ambassador is a man of virtue sent to lie abroad for his country; a news-writer is a man without virtue who lies at home for himself. "," Sir Henry Wotton, Reliquae Wottonianae ");
possibly("When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.' "," Stephen Wright ");
possibly("Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. "," Stephen Wright ");
possibly("The truth of the matter is that window management under X is not yet well understood. "," The Xlib Programming Manual ");
possibly("Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. "," Andrew Young ");
possibly("I don't do this for my health, you understand. I do it for the pain. I *LOVE* the pain! "," Professor Hugh D. Young, quoted out of context. ");
possibly("Don't do things half-assed. If a thing is worth doing at all, it's worth doing as well as you can possibly do it. Pick out something you think is worthwhile and do it or work at it with passion. Do it with all your might. "," Hugh Young ");
possibly("So, this doesn't mean anything, but at least it's not obvious nonsense. "," Hugh Young ");
possibly("This calls for a very special plan of psychology and extreme violence "," The Young Ones ");
possibly("If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "," Henny Youngman ");
possibly("Sometimes it is more important to discover what one cannot do, than what one can do. "," Lin Yutang ");
possibly("Don't say yes until I finish talking. "," Darryl F. Zanuck ");
possibly("If you choose not to live in a cluster, uh, dorm... "," Jim Zelenka ");
possibly("Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ... "," Carl Zwanzig ");
possibly("Theoretical physicist---a physicist whose existence is postulated, to make the numbers balance, but who is never actually observed in the laboratory. "," Unknown ");
possibly("If 99% is good enough, then gravity will not work for 14 mins every day. "," Unknown ");
possibly("Chemistry is Physics without thought; Math is Physics without purpose. "," Unknown ");
possibly("The NeXT: The hardware makes it a PC, the software makes it a Workstation, the unit sales make it a Mainframe. "," Unknown ");
possibly("If the automobile had improved as much as the computer in the last 25 years, it would get 1,000,000 miles to the gallon, cost $1, have a top speed of 30,000 mph, and explode at least once a year, killing all passengers. "," Unknown ");
possibly("Old soldiers never die. Young ones do. "," Unknown ");
possibly("America - where each individual is free to worship the religion of his/her parents' choice. "," Another from bb+graffiti ");
possibly("'After two years of trying, scientists at the Yerkes Regional Primate Center have managed to get a chimpanzee pregnant.' Which proves that no task is repugnant to a true scientist. "," Unidentified Scientist ");
possibly("God himself could not sink this ship. "," Anonymous Titanic Deck Hand ");
possibly("Since a cat always lands on its feet, and a piece of buttered toast always lands buttered side down, if you strap a piece of buttered toast to the back of a cat, which side will it land on? "," .sig file on rec.humor ");
possibly("I'd rather be a survivor at Carnegie Mellon than a hero at Pitt "," Someone's .sig file ");
possibly("Write a wise saying and your name will live forever "," Anonymous ");
possibly("Management's biggest problem is all the unemployed people on the payroll. "," From rec.humor ");
possibly("The next time someone starts quoting statistics at you, just remind them that 78% of people who quote statistics make them up. "," From rec.humor ");
possibly("All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands. "," Saint Patrick ");
possibly("Had this been an actual emergency, we would have fled in terror, and you would not have been informed. "," Unknown ");
possibly("The ideal situation is to have real computing power close at hand - right at home. Something that dims streetlights and shrinks the picture on the neighbors TV when you crank it up. "," Unknown ");
possibly("You should emulate your heroes, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they're dead. "," Unknown ");
possibly("It has been determined that research causes cancer in rats. "," Unknown ");
possibly("Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division. "," Anon ");
possibly("What is the definition of a tachyon? It's a gluon that's not completely dry yet. "," Heard at a New Year's Eve party ");
possibly("There ain't no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something. "," Attributed to Thomas Edison");
possibly("In the beginning there was nothing, then God said Let there be light. And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a lot better ","Anon");
possibly("An ounce of vanity can ruin a ton of merit. ","Anon");
possibly("Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. ","Anon");
possibly("A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. ","Anon");
possibly("For non-deterministic read 'Inhabited by pixies'. ","Anon");
possibly("Rude alert. Rude alert. A fire has knocked out my voice recognition unicycle. Many wurlitzers are missing from my database. Abandon shop. This is not a daffodil, repeat, this is not a daffodil. "," Holly (Red Dwarf) ");
possibly("Everything is deeply intertwingled. "," Ted Nelson ");
possibly("$100 invested at 7% interest for 100 years will become $100,000, at which time it will be worth absolutely nothing. "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. "," Don Quinn ");
possibly("A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("A billion here, a couple of billion there -- first thing you know it adds up to be real money. "," Everett McKinley Dirksen ");
possibly("A city is a large community where people are lonesome together "," Herbert Prochnow ");
possibly("A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("A computer, to print out a fact, Will divide, multiply, and subtract. But this output can be No more than debris, If the input was short of exact. "," Gigo ");
possibly("A CONS is an object which cares. "," Bernie Greenberg. ");
possibly("A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. "," Ben Franklin ");
possibly("A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. "," G. B. Shaw ");
possibly("A formal parsing algorithm should not always be used. "," D. Gries ");
possibly("A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. "," William James ");
possibly("A lady with one of her ears applied To an open keyhole heard, inside, Two female gossips in converse free -- The subject engaging them was she. I think, said one, and my husband thinks That she's a prying, inquisitive minx! As soon as no more of it she could hear The lady, indignant, removed her ear. I will not stay, she said with a pout, To hear my character lied about! "," Gopete Sherany ");
possibly("A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. "," Dennis M. Ritchie ");
possibly("A large number of installed systems work by fiat. That is, they work by being declared to work. "," Anatol Holt ");
possibly("A lot of people I know believe in positive thinking, and so do I. I believe everything positively stinks. "," Lew Col ");
possibly(" A man goes to a tailor to try on a new custom-made suit. The first thing he notices is that the arms are too long. No problem, says the tailor. Just bend them at the elbow and hold them out in front of you. See, now it's fine. But the collar is up around my ears! It's nothing. Just hunch your back up a little ... no, a little more ... that's it. But I'm stepping on my cuffs! the man cries in desperation. Nu, bend you knees a little to take up the slack. There you go. Look in the mirror -- the suit fits perfectly. So, twisted like a pretzel, the man lurches out onto the street. Reba and Florence see him go by. Oh, look, says Reba, that poor man! Yes, says Florence, but what a beautiful suit. "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("A man said to the Universe: Sir, I exist! However, replied the Universe, the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation. "," Stephen Crane ");
possibly("A physicist is an atom's way of knowing about atoms. "," George Wald ");
possibly("A pig is a jolly companion, Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt -- A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale, Though mountains may topple and tilt. When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you, When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig, Though you may be thrown over by Tabby and Rover, You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig, You'll never go wrong with a pig! "," Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow ");
possibly("A priest asked: What is Fate, Master? And he answered: It is that which gives a beast of burden its reason for existence. It is that which men in former times had to bear upon their backs. It is that which has caused nations to build byways from City to City upon which carts and coaches pass, and alongside which inns have come to be built to stave off Hunger, Thirst and Weariness. And that is Fate? said the priest. Fate ... I thought you said Freight, responded the Master. That's all right, said the priest. I wanted to know what Freight was too. "," Kehlog Albran, The Profit ");
possibly("A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place. "," IEEE Grid newsmagazine ");
possibly("A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral. "," Antoine de Saint-Exupery ");
possibly(" A Severe Strain on the Credulity As a method of sending a missile to the higher, and even to the highest parts of the earth's atmospheric envelope, Professor Goddard's rocket is a practicable and therefore promising device. It is when one considers the multiple-charge rocket as a traveler to the moon that one begins to doubt ... for after the rocket quits our air and really starts on its journey, its flight would be neither accelerated nor maintained by the explosion of the charges it then might have left. Professor Goddard, with his chair in Clark College and countenancing of the Smithsonian Institution, does not know the relation of action to re-action, and of the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react ... Of course he only seems to lack the knowledge ladled out daily in high schools. "," New York Times Editorial, 1920 ");
possibly("A sine curve goes off to infinity or at least the end of the blackboard "," Prof. Steiner ");
possibly("A solemn, unsmiling, sanctimonious old iceberg who looked like he was waiting for a vacancy in the Trinity. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("A straw vote only shows which way the hot air blows. "," O'Henry ");
possibly("A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. "," S. C. Johnson ");
possibly("A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("A university is what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students. "," John Ciardi ");
possibly("A vacuum is a hell of a lot better than some of the stuff that nature replaces it with. "," Tenessee Williams ");
possibly("A witty saying proves nothing. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("About the time we think we can make ends meet, somebody moves the ends. "," Herbert Hoover ");
possibly("Absentee, n.: A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Abstainer, n.: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Accidents cause History. If Sigismund Unbuckle had taken a walk in 1426 and met Wat Tyler, the Peasant's Revolt would never have happened and the motor car would not have been invented until 2026, which would have meant that all the oil could have been used for lamps, thus saving the electric light bulb and the whale, and nobody would have caught Moby Dick or Billy Budd. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("According to my best recollection, I don't remember. "," Vincent Jimmy Blue Eyes Alo ");
possibly("Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Actor: So what do you do for a living? Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving dishes for Chinese restaurants. "," Woody Allen, Without Feathers ");
possibly("Admiration, n.: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Adopted kids are such a pain -- you have to teach them how to look like you ... "," Gilda Radner ");
possibly("Adore, v.: To venerate expectantly. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. For example, in 1780 Luigi Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a stone. "," Dave Barry, What is Electricity? ");
possibly("After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. "," H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare ");
possibly("After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. "," P. J. O'Rourke ");
possibly(" After his Ignoble Disgrace, Satan was being expelled from Heaven. As he passed through the Gates, he paused a moment in thought, and turned to God and said, A new creature called Man, I hear, is soon to be created. This is true, He replied. He will need laws, said the Demon slyly. What! You, his appointed Enemy for all Time! You ask for the right to make his laws? Oh, no! Satan replied, I ask only that he be allowed to make his own. It was so granted. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Alas, I am dying beyond my means. "," Oscar Wilde, as he sipped champagne on his deathbed ");
possibly("Alimony is a system by which, when two people make a mistake, one of them keeps paying for it. "," Peggy Joyce ");
possibly("All flesh is grass "," Isiah
Smoke a friend today. ");
possibly("All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income. "," Samuel Butler ");
possibly("All science is either physics or stamp collecting. "," E. Rutherford ");
possibly("All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal, a business-related newspaper, you can deduct the cost of your house, because, in the words of U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Warren Burger in a landmark 1979 tax decision: Where else are you going to read the paper? Outside? What if it rains? "," Dave Barry, Sweating Out Taxes ");
possibly("... all the modern inconveniences ... "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. "," Sean O'Casey ");
possibly("All the world's a VAX, And all the coders merely butchers; They have their exits and their entrails; And one int in his time plays many widths, His sizeof being N bytes. At first the infant, Mewling and puking in the Regent's arms. And then the whining schoolboy, with his Sun, And shining morning face, creeping like slug Unwillingly to school. "," A Very Annoyed PDP-11 ");
possibly("All you have to do to see the accuracy of my thesis is look around you. Look, in particular, at the people who, like you, are making average incomes for doing average jobs -- bank vice presidents, insurance salesman, auditors, secretaries of defense -- and you'll realize they all dress the same way, essentially the way the mannequins in the Sears menswear department dress. Now look at the real successes, the people who make a lot more money than you -- Elton John, Captain Kangaroo, anybody from Saudi Arabia, Big Bird, and so on. They all dress funny -- and they all succeed. Are you catching on? "," Dave Barry, How to Dress for Real Success ");
possibly("Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Alone, adj.: In bad company. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Although we modern persons tend to take our electric lights, radios, mixers, etc., for granted, hundreds of years ago people did not have any of these things, which is just as well because there was no place to plug them in. Then along came the first Electrical Pioneer, Benjamin Franklin, who flew a kite in a lighting storm and received a serious electrical shock. This proved that lighting was powered by the same force as carpets, but it also damaged Franklin's brain so severely that he started speaking only in incomprehensible maxims, such as A penny saved is a penny earned. Eventually he had to be given a job running the post office. "," Dave Barry, What is Electricity? ");
possibly("Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy. "," Charlie McCarthy ");
possibly("America may be unique in being a country which has leapt from barbarism to decadence without touching civilization. "," John O'Hara ");
possibly("America was discovered by Amerigo Vespucci and was named after him, until people got tired of living in a place called Vespuccia and changed its name to America. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. "," A. P. Herbert ");
possibly("An excellence-oriented '80s male does not wear a regular watch He wears a Rolex watch, because it weighs nearly six pounds and is advertised only in excellence-oriented publications such as Fortune and Rich Protestant Golfer Magazine. The advertisements are written in incomplete sentences, which is how advertising copywriters denote excellence: The Rolex Hyperion. An elegant new standard in quality excellence and discriminating handcraftsmanship. For the individual who is truly able to discriminate with regard to excellent quality standards of crafting things by hand. Fabricated of 100 percent 24-karat gold. No watch parts or anything. Just a great big chunk on your wrist. Truly a timeless statement. For the individual who is very secure. Who doesn't need to be reminded all the time that he is very successful. Much more successful than the people who laughed at him in high school. Because of his acne. People who are probably nowhere near as successful as he is now. Maybe he'll go to his 20th reunion, and they'll see his Rolex Hyperion. Hahahahahahahahaha. "," Dave Barry, In Search of Excellence ");
possibly("... an experienced, industrious, ambitious, and often quite often picturesque liar. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly(" An old Jewish man reads about Einstein's theory of relativity in the newspaper and asks his scientist grandson to explain it to him. Well, zayda, it's sort of like this. Einstein says that if you're having your teeth drilled without Novocain, a minute seems like an hour. But if you're sitting with a beautiful woman on your lap, an hour seems like a minute. The old man considers this profound bit of thinking for a moment and says, And from this he makes a living? "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("... And malt does more than Milton can To justify God's ways to man "," A. E. Housman ");
possibly("And this is a table ma'am. What in essence it consists of is a horizontal rectilinear plane surface maintained by four vertical columnar supports, which we call legs. The tables in this laboratory, ma'am, are as advanced in design as one will find anywhere in the world. "," Michael Frayn, The Tin Men ");
possibly("Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy. "," Tom Leher ");
possibly("Anoint, v.: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly(" Another Glitch in the Call "," ------ -- --- ---- (Sung to the tune of a recent Pink Floyd song.) We don't need no indirection We don't need no flow control No data typing or declarations Did you leave the lists alone? Hey! Hacker! Leave those lists alone! Chorus: All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call. All in all, it's just a pure-LISP function call. ");
possibly("Any clod can have the facts, but having opinions is an art. "," Charles McCabe ");
possibly("Any excuse will serve a tyrant. "," Aesop ");
possibly("Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. "," Arthur C. Clarke ");
possibly("Any two philosophers can tell each other all they know in two hours. "," Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. ");
possibly("Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. "," Publilius Syrus ");
possibly("Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe and not make messes in the house. "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. "," Samuel Goldwyn ");
possibly("Anyone who hates Dogs and Kids Can't be All Bad. "," W. C. Fields ");
possibly("Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. "," Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("Aquadextrous, adj.: Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Arguments with furniture are rarely productive. "," Kehlog Albran, The Profit ");
possibly("Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes. "," Mickey Mouse ");
possibly("As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. "," Weisert ");
possibly("As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("As part of the conversion, computer specialists rewrote 1,500 programs -- a process that traditionally requires some debugging. "," USA Today, referring to the IRS switchover to a new computer system. ");
possibly("As soon as we started programming, we found to our surprise that it wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. Debugging had to be discovered. I can remember the exact instant when I realized that a large part of my life from then on was going to be spent in finding mistakes in my own programs. "," Maurice Wilkes discovers debugging, 1949 ");
possibly("As the poet said, Only God can make a tree -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there is always a future in Computer Maintenance. "," National Lampoon, Deteriorada ");
possibly("As with most fine things, chocolate has its season. There is a simple memory aid that you can use to determine whether it is the correct time to order chocolate dishes: any month whose name contains the letter A, E, or U is the proper time for chocolate. "," Sandra Boynton, Chocolate: The Consuming Passion ");
possibly("At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats. "," The Washington Post Magazine, June 9, 1985 ");
possibly("... at least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. "," J. B. White ");
possibly("Atlee is a very modest man. And with reason. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Avoid Quiet and Placid persons unless you are in Need of Sleep. "," National Lampoon, Deteriorada ");
possibly("Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Barometer, n.: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most Souls would scarcely get your Feet wet. Fall not in Love, therefore: it will stick to your face. "," National Lampoon, Deteriorada ");
possibly("Be careful of reading health books, you might die of a misprint. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("Benson, you are so free of the ravages of intelligence "," Time Bandits ");
possibly("Besides the device, the box should contain: * Eight little rectangular snippets of paper that say WARNING * A plastic packet containing four 5/17 inch pilfer grommets and two club-ended 6/93 inch boxcar prawns. YOU WILL NEED TO SUPPLY: a matrix wrench and 60,000 feet of tram cable. IF ANYTHING IS DAMAGED OR MISSING: You IMMEDIATELY should turn to your spouse and say: Margaret, you know why this country can't make a car that can get all the way through the drive-through at Burger King without a major transmission overhaul? Because nobody cares, that's why. WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret. "," Dave Barry, Read This First! ");
possibly("Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proved it correct, not tried it. "," Donald Knuth ");
possibly("Beware of Programmers who carry screwdrivers. "," Leonard Brandwein ");
possibly("Beware of the man who works hard to learn something, learns it, and finds himself no wiser than before, Bokonon tells us. He is full of murderous resentment of people who are ignorant without having come by their ignorance the hard way. "," Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle ");
possibly("Birth, n.: The first and direst of all disasters. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Bore, n.: A person who talks when you wish him to listen. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Brain, n.: The apparatus with which we think that we think. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Brain, v. [as in to brain]: To rebuke bluntly, but not pointedly; to dispel a source of error in an opponent. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("Bride, n.: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("British Israelites: The British Israelites believe the white Anglo-Saxons of Britain to be descended from the ten lost tribes of Israel deported by Sargon of Assyria on the fall of Sumeria in 721 B.C. ... They further believe that the future can be foretold by the measurements of the Great Pyramid, which probably means it will be big and yellow and in the hand of the Arabs. They also believe that if you sleep with your head under the pillow a fairy will come and take all your teeth. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("Bug, n.: An aspect of a computer program which exists because the PROGRAMMER was thinking about Jumbo Jacks or stock options when s/he wrote the program. Fortunately, the second-to-last bug has just been fixed. "," Ray Simard ");
possibly("BULLWINKLE: You just leave that to my pal. He's the brains of the outfit. GENERAL: What does that make YOU? BULLWINKLE: What else? An executive... "," Jay Ward ");
possibly("... But as records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches, human testimony and human reason are alike destitute of value. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("... But if we laugh with derision, we will never understand. Human intellectual capacity has not altered for thousands of years so far as we can tell. If intelligent people invested intense energy in issues that now seem foolish to us, then the failure lies in our understanding of their world, not in their distorted perceptions. Even the standard example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads -- makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a finite or an infinite number. "," S. J. Gould, Wide Hats and Narrow Minds ");
possibly("But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses. "," Bruce Leverett, Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers ");
possibly("But scientists, who ought to know Assure us that it must be so. Oh, let us never, never doubt What nobody is sure about. "," Hilaire Belloc ");
possibly("But soft you, the fair Ophelia: Ope not thy ponderous and marble jaws, But get thee to a nunnery -- go! "," Mark The Bard Twain ");
possibly("But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases. "," Dave Barry, What is Electricity? ");
possibly("By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent. (R. Emerson) "," Quoted from a fortune cookie program (whose author claims, Actually, stealing IS easier.) [to which I reply, You think it's easy for me to misconstrue all these misquotations?!?] ");
possibly("Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get _____there. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be. "," Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("C, n.: A programming language that is sort of like Pascal except more like assembly except that it isn't very much like either one, or anything else. It is either the best language available to the art today, or it isn't. "," Ray Simard ");
possibly("Cabbage, n.: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("California is a fine place to live -- if you happen to be an orange. "," Fred Allen ");
possibly("California, n.: From Latin calor, meaning heat (as in English calorie or Spanish caliente); and fornia' for sexual intercourse or fornication. Hence: Tierra de California, the land of hot sex. "," Ed Moran ");
possibly("Call on God, but row away from the rocks. "," Indian proverb ");
possibly("Calvin Coolidge looks as if he had been weaned on a pickle. "," Alice Roosevelt Longworth ");
possibly("Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont. "," Clarence Darrow ");
possibly("Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage. "," Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post ");
possibly("Cancel me not -- for what then shall remain? Abscissas, some mantissas, modules, modes, A root or two, a torus and a node: The inverse of my verse, a null domain. "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.: The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Cerebus: I'd love to lick apricot brandy out of your navel. Jaka: Look, Cerebus-- Jaka has to tell you ... something Cerebus: If Cerebus had a navel, would you lick apricot brandy out of it? Jaka: Ugh! Cerebus: You don't like apricot brandy? "," Cerebus #6, The Secret ");
possibly("Certain old men prefer to rise at dawn, taking a cold bath and a long walk with an empty stomach and otherwise mortifying the flesh. They then point with pride to these practices as the cause of their sturdy health and ripe years; the truth being that they are hearty and old, not because of their habits, but in spite of them. The reason we find only robust persons doing this thing is that it has killed all the others who have tried it. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny-- Did you ever try buying then without money? "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("Chicken Soup, n.: An ancient miracle drug containing equal parts of aureomycin, cocaine, interferon, and TLC. The only ailment chicken soup can't cure is neurotic dependence on one's mother. "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("Children aren't happy without something to ignore, And that's what parents were created for. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("Cinemuck, n.: The combination of popcorn, soda, and melted chocolate which covers the floors of movie theaters. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum -- I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("College football is a game which would be much more interesting if the faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Come, every frustum longs to be a cone, And every vector dreams of matrices. Hark to the gentle gradient of the breeze: It whispers of a more ergodic zone. "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("Come, let us hasten to a higher plane, Where dyads tread the fairy fields of Venn, Their indices bedecked from one to _n, Commingled in an endless Markov chain! "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly(" COMMENT Oh, life is a glorious cycle of song, A medley of extemporanea; And love is thing that can never go wrong; And I am Marie of Roumania. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Conceit causes more conversation than wit. "," LaRouchefoucauld ");
possibly("Confession is good for the soul only in the sense that a tweed coat is good for dandruff. "," Peter de Vries ");
possibly("Congratulations! You have purchased an extremely fine device that would give you thousands of years of trouble-free service, except that you undoubtably will destroy it via some typical bonehead consumer maneuver. Which is why we ask you to PLEASE FOR GOD'S SAKE READ THIS OWNER'S MANUAL CAREFULLY BEFORE YOU UNPACK THE DEVICE. YOU ALREADY UNPACKED IT, DIDN'T YOU? YOU UNPACKED IT AND PLUGGED IT IN AND TURNED IT ON AND FIDDLED WITH THE KNOBS, AND NOW YOUR CHILD, THE SAME CHILD WHO ONCE SHOVED A POLISH SAUSAGE INTO YOUR VIDEOCASSETTE RECORDED AND SET IT ON FAST FORWARD, THIS CHILD ALSO IS FIDDLING WITH HE KNOBS, RIGHT? AND YOU'RE JUST NOW STARTING TO READ THE INSTRUCTIONS, RIGHT??? WE MIGHT AS WELL JUST BREAK THESE DEVICES RIGHT AT THE FACTORY BEFORE WE SHIP THEM OUT, YOU KNOW THAT? "," Dave Barry, Read This First! ");
possibly("Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody is looking "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Contrariwise, continued Tweedledee, if it was so, it might be, and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic! "," Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass ");
possibly("Coronation, n.: The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Corruption is not the #1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime. "," P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan ");
possibly("Coward, n.: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Crash programs fail because they are based on the theory that, with nine women pregnant, you can get a baby a month. "," Wernher von Braun ");
possibly("Crime does not pay ... as well as politics. "," A. E. Newman ");
possibly("Critic, n.: A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Cynic, n.: A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the Scythians of plucking out a cynic's eyes to improve his vision. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Dawn, n.: The time when men of reason go to bed. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Death is life's way of telling you you've been fired. "," R. Geis ");
possibly("Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really overwhelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene language may not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel, or, conversely, by members of the judging panel when addressing contestants (unless struck by a boomerang). "," Mudgeeraba Creek Emu-Riding and Boomerang-Throwing Assoc. ");
possibly(" Deck Us All With Boston Charlie Deck us all with Boston Charlie, Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo! Nora's freezin' on the trolley, Swaller dollar cauliflower, alleygaroo! Don't we know archaic barrel, Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou. Trolley Molly don't love Harold, Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo! "," Walt Kelly ");
possibly(" Deep is a word like theory or semantic -- it implies all sorts of marvelous things. It's one thing to be able to say I've got a theory, quite another to say I've got a semantic theory, but, ah, those who can claim I've got a deep semantic theory, they are truly blessed. "," Randy Davis ");
possibly("Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Democracy is a form of government in which it is permitted to wonder aloud what the country could do under first-class management. "," Senator Soaper ");
possibly("Democracy is a form of government that substitutes election by the incompetent many for appointment by the corrupt few. "," G. B. Shaw ");
possibly("Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. "," E. B. White ");
possibly("Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly(" DETERIORATA
Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice -- even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss -- and when.
Remember that two wrongs never make a right,
But that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on HOLD.
Be comforted, that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
And despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.
You are a fluke of the universe ...
You have no right to be here.
Whether you can hear it or not, the universe
Is laughing behind your back. "," National Lampoon ");
possibly("Did you know that clones never use mirrors? "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Die, v.: To stop sinning suddenly. "," Elbert Hubbard ");
possibly("Die? I should say not, dear fellow. No Barrymore would allow such a conventional thing to happen to him. "," John Barrymore's dying words ");
possibly("Distress, n.: A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Do not try to solve all life's problems at once -- learn to dread each day as it comes. "," Donald Kaul ");
possibly("Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. "," Dick Brandon ");
possibly("Don't be humble, you're not that great. "," Golda Meir ");
possibly("Don't get suckered in by the comments -- they can be terribly misleading. Debug only code. "," Dave Storer ");
possibly("Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Don't say yes until I finish talking. "," Darryl F. Zanuck ");
possibly("Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. "," Charles Schultz ");
possibly("Don: I didn't know you had a cousin Penelope, Bill! Was she pretty? W. C.: Well, her face was so wrinkled it looked like seven miles of bad road. She had so many gold teeth, Don, she use to have to sleep with her head in a safe. She died in Bolivia. Don: Oh Bill, it must be hard to lose a relative. W. C.: It's almost impossible. "," W. C. Fields, from The Further Adventures of Larson E. Whipsnade and other Tarradiddles ");
possibly("Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side, and it holds the universe together ... "," Carl Zwanzig ");
possibly("Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it. "," W. Somerset Maughm ");
possibly("Earth is a great, big funhouse without the fun. "," Jeff Berner ");
possibly("Easiest Color to Solve on a Rubik's Cube: Black. Simply remove all the little colored stickers on the cube, and each of side of the cube will now be the original color of the plastic underneath -- black. According to the instructions, this means the puzzle is solved. "," Steve Rubenstein ");
possibly("Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("Economics, n.: Economics is the study of the value and meaning of J. K. Galbraith ... "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("Eggheads unite! You have nothing to lose but your yolks. "," Adlai Stevenson ");
possibly("Egotism is the anesthetic given by a kindly nature to relieve the pain of being a damned fool. "," Bellamy Brooks ");
possibly("Egotist, n.: A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Eighty percent of air pollution comes from plants and trees. "," Ronald Reagan, famous movie star ");
possibly("Eisenhower was very nice, Nixon was his only vice. "," C. Degen ");
possibly("Encyclopedia Salesmen: Invite them all in. Nip out the back door. Phone the police and tell them your house is being burgled. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. "," Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary ");
possibly("Enzymes are things invented by biologists that explain things which otherwise require harder thinking. "," Jerome Lettvin ");
possibly("Es brilig war. Die schlichte Toven Wirrten und wimmelten in Waben; Und aller-mumsige Burggoven Dir mohmen Rath ausgraben. "," Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass ");
possibly("Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("Etymology, n.: Some early etymological scholars come up with derivations that were hard for the public to believe. The term etymology was formed from the Latin etus (eaten), the root mal (bad), and logy (study of). It meant the study of things that are hard to swallow. "," Mike Kellen ");
possibly("Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? "," Clarence Darrow ");
possibly("Even the best of friends cannot attend each other's funeral. "," Kehlog Albran, The Profit ");
possibly("Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. "," Dwight Eisenhower, April 16, 1953 ");
possibly("Every little picofarad has a nanohenry all its own. "," Don Vonada ");
possibly("Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse. "," Miguel de Cervantes ");
possibly("Every word is like an unnecessary stain on silence and nothingness. "," Beckett ");
possibly("Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. "," Dykstra ");
possibly("Everyone knows that dragons don't exist. But while this simplistic formulation may satisfy the layman, it does not suffice for the scientific mind. The School of Higher Neantical Nillity is in fact wholly unconcerned with what ____does exist. Indeed, the banality of existence has been so amply demonstrated, there is no need for us to discuss it any further here. The brilliant Cerebron, attacking the problem analytically, discovered three distinct kinds of dragon: the mythical, the chimerical, and the purely hypothetical. They were all, one might say, nonexistent, but each nonexisted in an entirely different way ... "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("Everything you've learned in school as obvious becomes less and less obvious as you begin to study the universe. For example, there are no solids in the universe. There's not even a suggestion of a solid. There are no absolute continuums. There are no surfaces. There are no straight lines. "," R. Buckminster Fuller ");
possibly(" Excellence is THE trend of the '80s. Walk into any shopping mall bookstore, go to the rack where they keep the best-sellers such as Garfield Gets Spayed, and you'll see a half-dozen books telling you how to be excellent: In Search of Excellence, Finding Excellence, Grasping Hold of Excellence, Where to Hide Your Excellence at Night So the Cleaning Personnel Don't Steal It, etc. "," Dave Barry, In Search of Excellence ");
possibly("Excess on occasion is exhilarating. It prevents moderation from acquiring the deadening effect of a habit. "," W. Somerset Maugham ");
possibly("Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. "," Olivier ");
possibly("Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a mistake when you make it again. "," F. P. Jones ");
possibly("Families, when a child is born Want it to be intelligent. I, through intelligence, Having wrecked my whole life, Only hope the baby will prove Ignorant and stupid. Then he will crown a tranquil life By becoming a Cabinet Minister "," Su Tung-p'o ");
possibly("Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea ... "," Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly(" FIGHTING WORDS Say my love is easy had, Say I'm bitten raw with pride, Say I am too often sad -- Still behold me at your side. Say I'm neither brave nor young, Say I woo and coddle care, Say the devil touched my tongue -- Still you have my heart to wear. But say my verses do not scan, And I get me another man! "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. "," R. Clopton ");
possibly("For some reason a glaze passes over people's faces when you say Canada. Maybe we should invade South Dakota or something. "," Sandra Gotlieb, wife of the Canadian ambassador to the U.S. ");
possibly("For that matter, compare your pocket computer with the massive jobs of a thousand years ago. Why not, then, the last step of doing away with computers altogether? "," Jehan Shuman ");
possibly("For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("For years a secret shame destroyed my peace -- I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece. But now I think a thought that brings me hope: Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope. "," Justin Richardson. ");
possibly("From too much love of living, From hope and fear set free, We thank with brief thanksgiving, Whatever gods may be, That no life lives forever, That dead men rise up never, That even the weariest river winds somewhere safe to sea. "," Swinburne ");
possibly("Furbling, v.: Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. "," H. H. Williams ");
possibly("Garter, n.: An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!! "," Adventures of Asterix. ");
possibly("Gay shlafen: Yiddish for go to sleep. Now doesn't gay shlafen have a softer, more soothing sound than the harsh, staccato go to sleep? Listen to the difference: Go to sleep, you little wretch! ... Gay shlafen, darling. Obvious, isn't it? Clearly the best thing you can do for you children is to start speaking Yiddish right now and never speak another word of English as long as you live. This will, of course, entail teaching Yiddish to all your friends, business associates, the people at the supermarket, and so on, but that's just the point. It has to start with committed individuals and then grow ... Some minor adjustments will have to be made, of course: those signs written in what look like Yiddish letters won't be funny when everything is written in Yiddish. And we'll have to start driving on the left side of the road so we won't be reading the street signs backwards. But is that too high a price to pay for world peace? I think not, my friend, I think not. "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("Genderplex, n.: The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and tortoises). "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. "," Elbert Hubbard ");
possibly(" -- Gifts for Children -- This is easy. You never have to figure out what to get for children, because they will tell you exactly what they want. They spend months and months researching these kinds of things by watching Saturday- morning cartoon-show advertisements. Make sure you get your children exactly what they ask for, even if you disapprove of their choices. If your child thinks he wants Murderous Bob, the Doll with the Face You Can Rip Right Off, you'd better get it. You may be worried that it might help to encourage your child's antisocial tendencies, but believe me, you have not seen antisocial tendencies until you've seen a child who is convinced that he or she did not get the right gift. "," Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide ");
possibly(" -- Gifts for Men -- Men are amused by almost any idiot thing -- that is why professional ice hockey is so popular -- so buying gifts for them is easy. But you should never buy them clothes. Men believe they already have all the clothes they will ever need, and new ones make them nervous. For example, your average man has 84 ties, but he wears, at most, only three of them. He has learned, through humiliating trial and error, that if he wears any of the other 81 ties, his wife will probably laugh at him (You're not going to wear THAT tie with that suit, are you?). So he has narrowed it down to three safe ties, and has gone several years without being laughed at. If you give him a new tie, he will pretend to like it, but deep inside he will hate you. If you want to give a man something practical, consider tires. More than once, I would have gladly traded all the gifts I got for a new set of tires. "," Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide ");
possibly("Go placidly amid the noise and waste, and remember what value there may be in owning a piece thereof. "," National Lampoon, Deteriorada ");
possibly("God gives burdens; also shoulders Jimmy Carter cited this Jewish saying in his concession speech at the end of the 1980 election. At least he said it was a Jewish saying; I can't find it anywhere. I'm sure he's telling the truth though; why would he lie about a thing like that? "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("God has intended the great to be great and the little to be little ... The trade unions, under the European system, destroy liberty ... I do not mean to say that a dollar a day is enough to support a workingman ... not enough to support a man and five children if he insists on smoking and drinking beer. But the man who cannot live on bread and water is not fit to live! A family may live on good bread and water in the morning, water and bread at midday, and good bread and water at night! "," Rev. Henry Ward Beecher ");
possibly("God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant and the cat. He has no real style, He just goes on trying other things. "," Pablo Picasso ");
possibly("God is the tangential point between zero and infinity. "," Alfred Jarry ");
possibly("God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. "," Kronecker ");
possibly("God may be subtle, but He isn't plain mean. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("Gold, n.: A soft malleable metal relatively scarce in distribution. It is mined deep in the earth by poor men who then give it to rich men who immediately bury it back in the earth in great prisons, although gold hasn't done anything to them. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. "," La Rouchefoucauld ");
possibly("Good-bye. I am leaving because I am bored. "," George Saunders' dying words ");
possibly("Goto, n.: A programming tool that exists to allow structured programmers to complain about unstructured programmers. "," Ray Simard ");
possibly("Goy: ... The distinction between Jewish and goyish can be quite subtle, as the following quote from Lenny Bruce illustrates: I'm Jewish. Count Basie's Jewish. Ray Charles is Jewish. Eddie Cantor's goyish. The B'nai Brith is goyish. The Hadassah is Jewish. Marine Corps -- heavy goyish, dangerous. Kool-Aid is goyish. All Drake's Cakes are goyish. Pumpernickel is Jewish and, as you know, white bread is very goyish. Instant potatoes -- goyish. Black cherry soda's very Jewish. Macaroons are ____very Jewish. Fruit salad is Jewish. Lime Jell-O is goyish. Lime soda is ____very goyish. Trailer parks are so goyish that Jews won't go near them ... "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("Grub first, then ethics. "," Bertolt Brecht ");
possibly("Gyroscope, n.: A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the entire apparatus offers considerable opposition depending on the angular momentum to any torque that would change the direction of the axis of spin. "," Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary ");
possibly("Half-done: This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor. The difference between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the the difference between life and death. You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill there in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the airport, fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough Hall, transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop. Say to the man, Let me have a nice half-done. Worth the trouble, wasn't it? "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("Hand, n.: A singular instrument worn at the end of a human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Happiness is having a scratch for every itch. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. "," Oscar Levant ");
possibly("Happiness, n.: An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Hark, the Herald Tribune sings, Advertising wondrous things. "," Tom Leher ");
possibly("Harry is heavily into camping, and every year in the late fall, he makes us all go to Assateague, which is an island on the Atlantic Ocean famous for its wild horses. I realize that the concept of wild horses probably stirs romantic notions in many of you, but this is because you have never met any wild horses in person. In person, they are like enormous hooved rats. They amble up to your camp site, and their attitude is: We're wild horses. We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes. We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon. "," Dave Barry, Tenting Grandpa Bob ");
possibly("Hatred, n.: A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("He had that rare weird electricity about him -- that extremely wild and heavy presence that you only see in a person who has abandoned all hope of ever behaving normally. "," Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing '72 ");
possibly("He hadn't a single redeeming vice. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("He is now rising from affluence to poverty. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. "," John Mason Brown, drama critic ");
possibly("He who attacks the fundamentals of the American broadcasting industry attacks democracy itself. "," William S. Paley, chairman of CBS ");
possibly("HE: Let's end it all, bequeathin' our brains to science. SHE: What?!? Science got enough trouble with their OWN brains. "," Walt Kelley ");
possibly("Heaven, n.: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs, and the good listen with attention while you expound your own. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. "," Milton Friedman ");
possibly("Here in my heart, I am Helen; I'm Aspasia and Hero, at least. I'm Judith, and Jael, and Madame de Stael; I'm Salome, moon of the East. Here in my soul I am Sappho; Lady Hamilton am I, as well. In me R'ecamier vies with Kitty O'Shea, With Dido, and Eve, and poor nell. I'm all of the glamorous ladies At whose beckoning history shook. But you are a man, and see only my pan, So I stay at home with a book. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings. Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson. It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of electrons, which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt. The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit. Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting. "," Dave Barry, What is Electricity? ");
possibly(" Here is the fact of the week, maybe even the fact of the month. According to probably reliable sources, the Coca-Cola people are experiencing severe marketing anxiety in China. The words Coca-Cola translate into Chinese as either (depending on the inflection) wax-fattened mare or bite the wax tadpole. Bite the wax tadpole. There is a sort of rough justice, is there not? The trouble with this fact, as lovely as it is, is that it's hard to get a whole column out of it. I'd like to teach the world to bite a wax tadpole. Coke -- it's the real wax-fattened mare. Not bad, but broad satiric vistas do not open up. "," John Carrol, San Francisco Chronicle ");
possibly("Hey! Who took the cork off my lunch??! "," W. C. Fields ");
possibly("Hippogriff, n.: An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature, half lion and half eagle. The hippogriff was actually, therefore, only one quarter eagle, which is two dollars and fifty cents in gold. The study of zoology is full of surprises. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("His mind is like a steel trap -- full of mice "," Foghorn Leghorn ");
possibly("Hollywood is where if you don't have happiness you send out for it. "," Rex Reed ");
possibly("Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. "," F. M. Hubbard ");
possibly("Honorable, adj.: Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies, it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as, the honorable gentleman is a scurvy cur. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. "," W. C. Fields ");
possibly("How do you explain school to a higher intelligence? "," Elliot, E.T. ");
possibly("How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail, And pour the waters of the Nile On every golden scale! How cheerfully he seems to grin, How neatly spreads his claws, And welcomes little fishes in, With gently smiling jaws! "," Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland ");
possibly("How much does it cost to entice a dope-smoking UNIX system guru to Dayton? "," Brian Boyle, UNIX/WORLD's First Annual Salary Survey ");
possibly("However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea. "," Tom K. Ryan ");
possibly("Humor is a drug which it's the fashion to abuse. "," William Gilbert ");
possibly("I am not an Economist. I am an honest man! "," Paul McCracken ");
possibly("I am not now, and never have been, a girl friend of Henry Kissinger. "," Gloria Steinem ");
possibly("I am not sure what this is, but an `F' would only dignify it. "," English Professor ");
possibly("I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. ","English Professor, Ohio University ");
possibly("I am, in point of fact, a particularly haughty and exclusive person, of pre-Adamite ancestral descent. You will understand this when I tell you that I can trace my ancestry back to a protoplasmal primordial atomic globule. Consequently, my family pride is something inconceivable. I can't help it. I was born sneering. "," Pooh-Bah, The Mikado, Gilbert & Sullivan ");
possibly("I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. "," G. K. Chesterton ");
possibly("I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat. "," Will Rogers ");
possibly("I bet the human brain is a kludge. "," Marvin Minsky ");
possibly("I can't complain, but sometimes I still do. "," Joe Walsh ");
possibly("I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. "," Lillian Hellman ");
possibly("I cannot overemphasize the importance of good grammar. What a crock. I could easily overemphasize the importance of good grammar. For example, I could say: Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America, or Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II. "," Dave Barry, An Utterly Absurd Look at Grammar ");
possibly("I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. "," Isaac Asimov ");
possibly("I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. "," Galileo Galilei ");
possibly("I do not know myself, and God forbid that I should. "," Johann Wolfgang von Goethe ");
possibly("I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology. "," James R. F. Quirk ");
possibly("I don't care who does the electing as long as I get to do the nominating "," Boss Tweed ");
possibly("I don't have any solution but I certainly admire the problem. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("I don't have to take this abuse from you -- I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me. ","Bill Murray, Ghostbusters ");
possibly(" I don't know what you mean by `glory,' Alice said Humpty Dumpty smiled contemptuously. Of course you don't-- till I tell you. I meant `there's a nice knock-down argument for you!' But glory doesn't mean `a nice knock-down argument,' Alice objected. When I use a word, Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, it means just what I choose it to mean -- neither more nor less. The question is, said Alice, whether you can make words mean so many different things. The question is, said Humpty Dumpty, which is to be master-- that's all. "," Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass ");
possibly("I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it. "," Clarence Darrow ");
possibly("I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("I drink to make other people interesting. "," George Jean Nathan ");
possibly("I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it. "," Mae West ");
possibly("I get up each morning, gather my wits. Pick up the paper, read the obits. If I'm not there I know I'm not dead. So I eat a good breakfast and go back to bed. Oh, how do I know my youth is all spent? My get-up-and-go has got-up-and-went. But in spite of it all, I'm able to grin, And think of the places my get-up has been. "," Pete Seeger ");
possibly("I hate quotations. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. "," A. R. Longworth ");
possibly("I have learned To spell hors d'oeuvres Which still grates on Some people's n'oeuvres. "," Warren Knox ");
possibly("I have made mistakes but I have never made the mistake of claiming that I have never made one. "," James Gordon Bennett ");
possibly("I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter. "," Blaise Pascal ");
possibly("I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer. "," Kehlog Albran, The Profit ");
possibly("I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. "," Bill Hoest ");
possibly("I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("I like being single. I'm always there when I need me. "," Art Leo ");
possibly("I may not be totally perfect, but parts of me are excellent. "," Ashleigh Brilliant ");
possibly("I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up. "," Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad ");
possibly("I profoundly believe it takes a lot of practice to become a moral slob. "," William F. Buckley ");
possibly(" I quite agree with you, said the Duchess; and the moral of that is -- `Be what you would seem to be' -- or, if you'd like it put more simply -- `Never imagine yourself not to be otherwise than what it might appear to others that what you were or might have been was not otherwise than what you had been would have appeared to them to be otherwise.' "," Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland ");
possibly("I see the eigenvalue in thine eye, I hear the tender tensor in thy sigh. Bernoulli would have been content to die Had he but known such _a-squared cos 2(phi)! "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("I sent a letter to the fish, I told them, This is what I wish. The little fishes of the sea, They sent an answer back to me. The little fishes' answer was We cannot do it, sir, because ... I sent a letter back to say It would be better to obey. But someone came to me and said The little fishes are in bed. I said to him, and I said it plain Then you must wake them up again. I said it very loud and clear, I went and shouted in his ear. But he was very stiff and proud, He said You needn't shout so loud. And he was very proud and stiff, He said I'll go and wake them if ... I took a kettle from the shelf, I went to wake them up myself. But when I found the door was locked I pulled and pushed and kicked and knocked, And when I found the door was shut, I tried to turn the handle, But ... Is that all? asked Alice. That is all. said Humpty Dumpty. Goodbye. "," Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass ");
possibly("I think that I shall never see A billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall I'll never see a tree at all. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("I want to buy a husband who, every week when I sit down to watch `St. Elsewhere', won't scream, `FORGET IT, BLANCHE ... IT'S TIME FOR HEE HAW!!' "," Berke Breathed, Bloom County ");
possibly("I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("I went on to test the program in every way I could devise. I strained it to expose its weaknesses. I ran it for high-mass stars and low-mass stars, for stars born exceedingly hot and those born relatively cold. I ran it assuming the superfluid currents beneath the crust to be absent -- not because I wanted to know the answer, but because I had developed an intuitive feel for the answer in this particular case. Finally I got a run in which the computer showed the pulsar's temperature to be less than absolute zero. I had found an error. I chased down the error and fixed it. Now I had improved the program to the point where it would not run at all. "," George Greenstein, Frozen Star: Of Pulsars, Black Holes and the Fate of Stars ");
possibly("I wish there was a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence. There's a knob called brightness, but it doesn't work. "," Gallagher ");
possibly("I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. "," Hunter S. Thompson ");
possibly("I'll grant the random access to my heart, Thoul't tell me all the constants of thy love; And so we two shall all love's lemmas prove And in our bound partition never part. "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("I'm fed up to the ears with old men dreaming up wars for young men to die in. "," George McGovern ");
possibly("I'm in Pittsburgh. Why am I here? "," Harold Urey, Nobel Laureate ");
possibly("I'm very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous; In short, in matters vegetable, animal, and mineral, I am the very model of a modern Major-General. "," Gilbert & Sullivan, Pirates of Penzance ");
possibly("Idiot Box, n.: The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Idiot, n.: A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law. "," Roy Santoro ");
possibly("If a group of _N persons implements a COBOL compiler, there will be _N-1 passes. Someone in the group has to be the manager. "," T. Cheatham ");
possibly("If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. "," Paul Beatty ");
possibly("If all the world's economists were laid end to end, we wouldn't reach a conclusion. "," William Baumol ");
possibly("If an S and an I and an O and a U With an X at the end spell Su; And an E and a Y and an E spell I, Pray what is a speller to do? Then, if also an S and an I and a G And an HED spell side, There's nothing much left for a speller to do But to go commit siouxeyesighed. "," Charles Follen Adams, An Orthographic Lament ");
possibly("... if forced to travel on an airplane, try and get in the cabin with the Captain, so you can keep an eye on him and nudge him if he falls asleep or point out any mountains looming up ahead ... "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("If God lived on Earth, people would knock out all His windows. "," Yiddish saying ");
possibly("If I don't drive around the park, I'm pretty sure to make my mark. If I'm in bed each night by ten, I may get back my looks again. If I abstain from fun and such, I'll probably amount to much; But I shall stay the way I am, Because I do not give a damn. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("If I had a plantation in Georgia and a home in Hell, I'd sell the plantation and go home. "," Eugene P. Gallagher ");
possibly("If I had any humility I would be perfect. "," Ted Turner ");
possibly("If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("If I kiss you, that is a psychological interaction. On the other hand, if I hit you over the head with a brick, that is also a psychological interaction. The difference is that one is friendly and the other is not so friendly. The crucial point is if you can tell which is which. "," Dolph Sharp, I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot ");
possibly("If I traveled to the end of the rainbow As Dame Fortune did intend, Murphy would be there to tell me The pot's at the other end. "," Bert Whitney ");
possibly("If Jesus Christ were to come today, people would not even crucify him. They would ask him to dinner, and hear what he had to say, and make fun of it. "," Thomas Carlyle ");
possibly("If little green men land in your back yard, hide any little green women you've got in the house. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. "," Woody Allen, Without Feathers ");
possibly("If scientific reasoning were limited to the logical processes of arithmetic, we should not get very far in our understanding of the physical world. One might as well attempt to grasp the game of poker entirely by the use of the mathematics of probability. "," Vannevar Bush ");
possibly("If someone had told me I would be Pope one day, I would have studied harder. "," Pope John Paul I ");
possibly("If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. "," Norm Schryer ");
possibly("If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labor, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor. "," Ralph Waldo Emerson ");
possibly("If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me! "," Ma Ferguson, Governor of Texas (circa 1920) ");
possibly("If the weather is extremely bad, church attendance will be down. If the weather is extremely good, church attendance will be down. If the bulletin covers are in short supply, however, church attendance will exceed all expectations. "," Reverend Chichester ");
possibly("If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? "," Art Hoppe ");
possibly("If two men agree on everything, you may be sure that one of them is doing the thinking. "," Lyndon Baines Johnson ");
possibly("If while you are in school, there is a shortage of qualified personnel in a particular field, then by the time you graduate with the necessary qualifications, that field's employment market is glutted. "," Marguerite Emmons ");
possibly("If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars. "," J. Paul Getty ");
possibly("If you cannot convince them, confuse them. "," Harry S Truman ");
possibly("If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. "," Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin ");
possibly("If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee. "," Graham Summer ");
possibly("If you only have a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail. "," Maslow ");
possibly("If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. "," Derek Bok, president of Harvard ");
possibly("If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. "," Earl Wilson ");
possibly("If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? "," Richard M. Nixon ");
possibly("If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest shopping center in the world? "," Richard Nixon ");
possibly("If you wants to get elected president, you'se got to think up some memoraboble homily so's school kids can be pestered into memorizin' it, even if they don't know what it means. "," Walt Kelly, The Pogo Party ");
possibly("If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. "," Henny Youngman ");
possibly("If you're not very clever you should be conciliatory. "," Benjamin Disraeli ");
possibly("If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all. "," Ronald Reagan ");
possibly("Il brilgue: les t^oves libricilleux Se gyrent et frillant dans le guave, Enm^im'es sont les gougebosquex, Et le m^omerade horgrave. "," Lewis Carrol, Through the Looking Glass ");
possibly("Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality. "," Jules de Gaultier ");
possibly("Immortality -- a fate worse than death. "," Edgar A. Shoaff ");
possibly("Impartial, adj.: Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("In America, any boy may become president and I suppose that's just one of the risks he takes. "," Adlai Stevenson ");
possibly("In an organization, each person rises to the level of his own incompetency "," The Peter Principle ");
possibly("In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable. "," Winston Curchill, of Montgomery ");
possibly("In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of the scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("In India, cold weather is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("In Riemann, Hilbert or in Banach space Let superscripts and subscripts go their ways. Our symptotes no longer out of phase, We shall encounter, counting, face to face. "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("[In the 60's] there was madness in any direction, at any hour ... You could strike sparks anywhere. There was a fantastic universal sense that whatever we were doing was `right', that we were winning ... And that, I think, was the handle -- the sense of inevitable victory over the forces of Old and Evil. Not in any mean or military sense; we didn't need that. Our energy would simply `prevail'. There was no point in fighting -- on our side or theirs. We had all the momentum; we were riding the crest of a high and beautiful wave .... So now, less than five years later, you can go up on a steep hill in Las Vegas and look West, and with the right kind of eyes you can almost ___see the high-water mark -- the place where the wave finally broke and rolled back. "," Hunter S. Thompson, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas ");
possibly("In the land of the dark, the Ship of the Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead. "," Egyptian Book of the Dead ");
possibly("In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble. "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("In the olden days in England, you could be hung for stealing a sheep or a loaf of bread. However, if a sheep stole a loaf of bread and gave it to you, you would only be tried for receiving, a crime punishable by forty lashes with the cat or the dog, whichever was handy. If you stole a dog and were caught, you were punished with twelve rabbit punches, although it was hard to find rabbits big enough or strong enough to punch you. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("In the Top 40, half the songs are secret messages to the teen world to drop out, turn on, and groove with the chemicals and light shows at discotheques. "," Art Linkletter ");
possibly("Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to the outcumbents. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. "," Martin Luther King, Jr. ");
possibly("Ink, n.: A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Innovation is hard to schedule. "," Dan Fylstra ");
possibly("Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in? "," Ralph Emerson ");
possibly("It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have drawn the inference that the nose is devoid of the sense of smell. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("It is against the grain of modern education to teach children to program. What fun is there in making plans, acquiring discipline in organizing thoughts, devoting attention to detail, and learning to be self-critical? "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly(" It is always preferable to visit home with a friend. Your parents will not be pleased with this plan, because they want you all to themselves and because in the presence of your friend, they will have to act like mature human beings ... "," Playboy, January 1983 ");
possibly("It is amusing that a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("It is by the fortune of God that, in this country, we have three benefits: freedom of speech, freedom of thought, and the wisdom never to use either. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper. "," R. Serling ");
possibly("It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle if it is lightly greased. "," Kehlog Albran, The Profit ");
possibly("It is generally agreed that Hello is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said Goodbye, it could confuse a lot of people. "," Dolph Sharp, I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot ");
possibly("It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. "," Gore Vidal ");
possibly("It is not true that life is one damn thing after another -- it's one damn thing over and over. "," Edna St. Vincent Millay ");
possibly("It is now 10 p.m. Do you know where Henry Kissinger is? "," Elizabeth Carpenter ");
possibly("It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts. "," Henry David Thoreau, Where I Live ");
possibly("It is the business of little minds to shrink. "," Carl Sandburg ");
possibly("It is the business of the future to be dangerous. "," Hawkwind ");
possibly("It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it. I don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and the signature (which I guessed at). There's a singular and a perpetual charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its novelty .... Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but yours are kept forever -- unread. One of them will last a reasonable man a lifetime. "," Thomas Aldrich ");
possibly(" It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The thousands were led by Arrowroot, who sat limply in his sidesaddle, nursing a whopper. Goodgulf, Gimlet, and the rest rode by him, praying for their fate to be quick, painless, and if possible, someone else's. Many an hour the armies forged ahead, the war-merinos bleating under their heavy burdens and the soldiers bleating under their melting icepacks. "," The Harvard Lampoon, Bored of the Rings ");
possibly("It's a damn poor mind that can only think of one way to spell a word. "," Andrew Jackson ");
possibly("It's bad luck to be superstitious. "," Andrew W. Mathis ");
possibly("It's Fabulous! We haven't seen anything like it in the last half an hour! "," Macy's ");
possibly("It's is not, it isn't ain't, and it's it's, not its, if you mean it is. If you don't, it's its. Then too, it's hers. It isn't her's. It isn't our's either. It's ours, and likewise yours and theirs. "," Oxford University Press, Edpress News ");
possibly("It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one. "," Phil White ");
possibly("It's not Camelot, but it's not Cleveland, either. "," Kevin White, mayor of Boston ");
possibly("It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too. "," Alexander Korda ");
possibly("It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets "," The Brigader, Dr. Who ");
possibly("Justice is incidental to law and order. "," J. Edgar Hoover ");
possibly("Justice is incidental to law and order. "," J. Edgar Hoover ");
possibly("Kleptomaniac, n.: A rich thief. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Know what I hate most? Rhetorical questions. "," Henry N. Camp ");
possibly("Krogt, n. (chemical symbol: Kr): The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Labor, n.: One of the processes by which A acquires property for B. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Lactomangulation, n.: Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly(" Lassie looked brilliant, in part because the farm family she lived with was made up of idiots. Remember? One of them was always getting pinned under the tractor, and Lassie was always rushing back to the farmhouse to alert the other ones. She'd whimper and tug at their sleeves, and they'd always waste precious minutes saying things: Do you think something's wrong? Do you think she wants us to follow her? What is it, girl?, etc., as if this had never happened before, instead of every week. What with all the time these people spent pinned under the tractor, I don't see how they managed to grow any crops whatsoever. They probably got by on federal crop supports, which Lassie filed the applications for. "," Dave Barry ");
possibly("Laughter is the closest distance between two people. "," Victor Borge ");
possibly("Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands of dollars: For several days before you put it in the mail, carry your tax return around under your armpit. No IRS agent is going to want to spend hours poring over a sweat-stained document. So even if you owe money, you can put in for an enormous refund and the agent will probably give it to you, just to avoid an audit. What does he care? It's not his money. "," Dave Barry, Sweating Out Taxes ");
possibly("Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops. "," Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. ");
possibly("Like the ski resort of girls looking for husbands and husbands looking for girls, the situation is not as symmetrical as it might seem. "," Alan McKay ");
possibly("Love is a word that is constantly heard, Hate is a word that is not. Love, I am told, is more precious than gold. Love, I have read, is hot. But hate is the verb that to me is superb, And Love but a drug on the mart. Any kiddie in school can love like a fool, But Hating, my boy, is an Art. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("MacDonald has the gift on compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Mad, adj.: Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence ... "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child -- if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender. "," W. C. Fields ");
possibly("Magnet, n.: Something acted upon by magnetism
Magnetism, n.: Something acting upon a magnet. The two definition immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists, who have illuminated the subject with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human knowledge. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Magnocartic, adj.: Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping carts. "," Sniglets, Rich Hall & Friends ");
possibly("Magpie, n.: A bird whose theivish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man. Minor Premise: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds. Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system. Therefore, users tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space. It has been said that the only standard thing about all UNIX systems is the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files. "," System V.2 administrator's guide ");
possibly("Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. "," Lily Tomlin ");
possibly("Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor. "," Wernher von Braun ");
possibly("Man is the only animal that blushes -- or needs to. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else -- unless it is an enemy. "," A. Einstein ");
possibly("Man, n.: An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sloping forehead of the first primitive umpire. What inner force drove this first athlete? Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers. "," Dave Barry, Sports is a Drag ");
possibly("Manual, n.: A unit of documentation. There are always three or more on a given item. One is on the shelf; someone has the others. The information you need in in the others. "," Ray Simard ");
possibly("Many years ago in a period commonly know as Next Friday Afternoon, there lived a King who was very Gloomy on Tuesday mornings because he was so Sad thinking about how Unhappy he had been on Monday and how completely Mournful he would be on Wednesday ... "," Walt Kelly ");
possibly("Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("Maturity is only a short break in adolescence. "," Jules Feiffer ");
possibly("Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. "," R. S. Barton ");
possibly("Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man had split before. Thus was the Empire forged. "," The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams ");
possibly("Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. "," Groucho Marx ");
possibly("Military justice is to justice what military music is to music. "," Groucho Marx ");
possibly("Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. "," Susan Ertz ");
possibly("Millions of sensible people are too high-minded to concede that politics is almost always the choice of the lesser evil. Tweedledum and Tweedledee, they say, I will not vote. Having abstained, they are presented with a President who appoints the people who are going to rummage around in their lives for the next four years. Consider all the people who sat home in a stew in 1968 rather than vote for Hubert Humphrey. They showed Humphrey. Those people who taught Hubert Humphrey a lesson will still be enjoying the Nixon Supreme Court when Tricia and Julie begin to find silver threads among the gold and the black. "," Russel Baker, Ford without Flummery ");
possibly("Misfortune, n.: The kind of fortune that never misses. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Miss, n.: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("MOCK APPLE PIE (No Apples Needed)
Pastry to two crust 9-inch pie
36 RITZ Crackers
2 cups water
2 cups sugar
2 teaspoons cream of tartar
2 tablespoons lemon juice
Grated rind of one lemon
Butter or margarine
Cinnamon
Roll out bottom crust of pastry and fit into 9-inch pie plate. Break RITZ Crackers coarsely into pastry-lined plate. Combine water, sugar and cream of tartar in saucepan, boil gently for 15 minutes. Add lemon juice and rind. Cool. Pour this syrup over Crackers, dot generously with butter or margarine and sprinkle with cinnamon. Cover with top crust. Trim and flute edges together. Cut slits in top crust to let steam escape. Bake in a hot oven (425 F) 30 to 35 minutes, until crust is crisp and golden. Serve warm. Cut into 6 to 8 slices. "," Found lurking on a Ritz Crackers box ");
possibly("Molecule, n.: The ultimate, indivisible unit of matter. It is distinguished from the corpuscle, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter, by a closer resemblance to the atom, also the ultimate, indivisible unit of matter ... The ion differs from the molecule, the corpuscle and the atom in that it is an ion ... "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Monday, n.: In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("More than any time in history, mankind now faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("Most people wouldn't know music if it came up and bit them on the ass. "," Frank Zappa ");
possibly(" Murray and Esther, a middle-aged Jewish couple, are touring Chile. Murray just got a new camera and is constantly snapping pictures. One day, without knowing it, he photographs a top-secret military installation. In an instant, armed troops surround Murray and Esther and hustle them off to prison. They can't prove who they are because they've left their passports in their hotel room. For three weeks they're tortured day and night to get them to name their contacts in the liberation movement.. Finally they're hauled in front of a military court, charged with espionage, and sentenced to death. The next morning they're lined up in front of the wall where they'll be shot. The sergeant in charge of the firing squad asks them if they have any lasts requests. Esther wants to know if she can call her daughter in Chicago. The sergeant says he's sorry, that's not possible, and turns to Murray. This is crazy! Murray shouts. We're not spies! And he spits in the sergeants face. Murray! Esther cries. Please! Don't make trouble. "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("Mustgo, n.: Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so long it has become a science project. "," Sniglets, Rich Hall & Friends ");
possibly("My love runs by like a day in June, And he makes no friends of sorrows. He'll tread his galloping rigadoon In the pathway or the morrows. He'll live his days where the sunbeams start Nor could storm or wind uproot him. My own dear love, he is all my heart -- And I wish somebody'd shoot him. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("My love, he's mad, and my love, he's fleet, And a wild young wood-thing bore him! The ways are fair to his roaming feet, And the skies are sunlit for him. As sharply sweet to my heart he seems As the fragrance of acacia. My own dear love, he is all my dreams -- And I wish he were in Asia. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("My own dear love, he is strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. His words ring sweet as a chime of gold, And his eyes are lit with laughter. He is jubilant as a flag unfurled -- Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him. My own dear love, he is all my world -- And I wish I'd never met him. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("Mythology, n.: The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("NAPOLEON: What shall we do with this soldier, Guiseppe? Everything he says is wrong. GUISEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says will be right. "," G. B. Shaw, The Man of Destiny ");
possibly("Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power. "," Abraham Lincoln ");
possibly("Never eat more than you can lift. "," Miss Piggy ");
possibly("Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right. "," Salvor Hardin, Foundation ");
possibly("Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. "," Sam Brown, The Washington Post, January 26, 1977 ");
possibly("Never try to outstubborn a cat. "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. "," R. A. Heinlein ");
possibly("New Year's Eve is the time of year when a man most feels his age, and his wife most often reminds him to act it. "," Webster's Unafraid Dictionary ");
possibly("New York's got the ways and means; Just won't let you be. "," The Grateful Dead ");
possibly("Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. "," F. J. Raymond ");
possibly("No good deed goes unpunished. "," Clare Boothe Luce ");
possibly("No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. "," Eleanor Roosevelt ");
possibly("Noncombatant, n.: A dead Quaker. "," Ambrose Bierce ");
possibly("Not far from here, by a white sun, behind a green star, lived the Steelypips, illustrious, industrious, and they hadn't a care: no spats in their vats, no rules, no schools, no gloom, no evil influence of the moon, no trouble from matter or antimatter -- for they had a machine, a dream of a machine, with springs and gears and perfect in every respect. And they lived with it, and on it, and under it, and inside it, for it was all they had -- first they saved up all their atoms, then they put them all together, and if one didn't fit, why they chipped at it a bit, and everything was just fine ... "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("Not only is this incomprehensible, but the ink is ugly and the paper is from the wrong kind of tree. ","Profesoor W. ");
possibly("Notes for a ballet, The Spell: ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman -- unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ... "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. "," Andrew Young ");
possibly("Nothing recedes like success. "," Walter Winchell ");
possibly("Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love. "," Charlie Brown ");
possibly("November, n.: The eleventh twelfth of a weariness. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Now is the time for all good men to come to. "," Walt Kelly ");
possibly("Now the Lord God planted a garden East of Whittier in a place called Yorba Linda, and out of the ground he made to grow orange trees that were good for food and the fruits thereof he labeled SUNKIST ... "," The Begatting of a President ");
possibly("... Now you're ready for the actual shopping. Your goal should be to get it over with as quickly as possible, because the longer you stay in the mall, the longer your children will have to listen to holiday songs on the mall public-address system, and many of these songs can damage children emotionally. For example: Frosty the Snowman is about a snowman who befriends some children, plays with them until they learn to love him, then melts. And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer is about a young reindeer who, because of a physical deformity, is treated as an outcast by the other reindeer. Then along comes good, old Santa. Does he ignore the deformity? Does he look past Rudolph's nose and respect Rudolph for the sensitive reindeer he is underneath? No. Santa asks Rudolph to guide his sleigh, as if Rudolph were nothing more than some kind of headlight with legs and a tail. So unless you want your children exposed to this kind of insensitivity, you should shop quickly. "," Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide ");
possibly("[Nuclear war] ... may not be desirable. "," Edwin Meese III ");
possibly("Of all the animals, the boy is the most unmanageable. "," Plato ");
possibly("Oh, when I was in love with you, Then I was clean and brave, And miles around the wonder grew How well did I behave. And now the fancy passes by, And nothing will remain, And miles around they'll say that I Am quite myself again. "," A. E. Housman ");
possibly("Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. "," Trotsky ");
possibly("Old age is the most unexpected of things that can happen to a man. "," Trotsky ");
possibly("On a paper submitted by a physicist colleague: This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. "," Wolfgang Pauli ");
possibly("On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks. "," H. Allen Smith, Let the Crabgrass Grow ");
possibly("Once ... in the wilds of Afghanistan, I lost my corkscrew, and we were forced to live on nothing but food and water for days. "," W. C. Fields, My Little Chickadee ");
possibly("Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it Christmas and went to church; the Jews called it Hanukka and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say Merry Christmas! or Happy Hanukka! or (to the atheists) Look out for the wall! "," Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide ");
possibly("Once Law was sitting on the bench And Mercy knelt a-weeping. Clear out! he cried, disordered wench! Nor come before me creeping. Upon you knees if you appear, 'Tis plain you have no standing here. Then Justice came. His Honor cried: YOUR states? -- Devil seize you! Amica curiae, she replied -- Friend of the court, so please you. Begone! he shouted -- There's the door -- I never saw your face before! "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue to exist, a wonderful living side by side can grow up, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see each other whole against the sky. "," Rainer Rilke ");
possibly("... Once you're safely in the mall, you should tie your children to you with ropes so the other shoppers won't try to buy them. Holiday shoppers have been whipped into a frenzy by months of holiday advertisements, and they will buy anything small enough to stuff into a shopping bag. If your children object to being tied, threaten to take them to see Santa Claus; that ought to shut them up. "," Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide ");
possibly("Once, adv.: Enough. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("One of my less pleasant chores when I was young was to read the Bible from one end to the other. Reading the Bible straight through is at least 70 percent discipline, like learning Latin. But the good parts are, of course, simply amazing. God is an extremely uneven writer, but when He's good, nobody can touch Him. "," John Gardner, NYT Book Review, Jan 1983 ");
possibly("One of the oldest problems puzzled over in the Talmud is: Why did God create goyim? The generally accepted answer is ________somebody has to buy retail. "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly(" One of the questions that comes up all the time is: How enthusiastic is our support for UNIX? Unix was written on our machines and for our machines many years ago. Today, much of UNIX being done is done on our machines. Ten percent of our VAXs are going for UNIX use. UNIX is a simple language, easy to understand, easy to get started with. It's great for students, great for somewhat casual users, and it's great for interchanging programs between different machines. And so, because of its popularity in these markets, we support it. We have good UNIX on VAX and good UNIX on PDP-11s. It is our belief, however, that serious professional users will run out of things they can do with UNIX. They'll want a real system and will end up doing VMS when they get to be serious about programming. With UNIX, if you're looking for something, you can easily and quickly check that small manual and find out that it's not there. With VMS, no matter what you look for -- it's literally a five-foot shelf of documentation -- if you look long enough it's there. That's the difference -- the beauty of UNIX is it's simple; and the beauty of VMS is that it's all there. "," Ken Olsen, President of DEC, 1984 ");
possibly("One Page Principle: A specification that will not fit on one page of 8.5x11 inch paper cannot be understood. "," Mark Ardis ");
possibly("Organic chemistry is the chemistry of carbon compounds. Biochemistry is the study of carbon compounds that crawl. "," Mike Adams ");
possibly("Our policy is, when in doubt, do the right thing. "," Roy L. Ash, ex-president Litton Industries ");
possibly("Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. "," D. J. Hicks ");
possibly("Pascal is not a high-level language. "," Steven Feiner ");
possibly("Passionate hatred can give meaning and purpose to an empty life. "," Eric Hoffer ");
possibly("Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("People who have what they want are very fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they don't want it. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. Confound those who have said our remarks before us. "," Aelius Donatus ");
possibly("pi seconds is a nanocentury. "," Tom Duff ");
possibly("Pig, n.: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite, which, however, is inferior in scope, for it balks at pig. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("PL/1, the fatal disease, belongs more to the problem set than to the solution set. "," E. W. Dijkstra ");
possibly("Please try to limit the amount of `this room doesn't have any bazingas' until you are told that those rooms are `punched out.' Once punched out, we have a right to complain about atrocities, missing bazingas, and such. "," N. Meyrowitz ");
possibly("Politician, n.: From the Greek poly (many) and the French tete (head or face, as in tete-a-tete: head to head or face to face). Hence polytetien, a person of two or more faces. "," Martin Pitt ");
possibly("Pope Goestheveezl was the shortest reigning pope in the history of the Church, reigning for two hours and six minutes on 1 April 1866. The white smoke had hardly faded into the blue of the Vatican skies before it dawned on the assembled multitudes in St. Peter's Square that his name had hilarious possibilities. The crowds fell about, helpless with laughter, singing Half a pound of tuppenny rice Half a pound of treacle That's the way the chimney smokes Pope Goestheveezl The square was finally cleared by armed carabineri with tears of laughter streaming down their faces. The event set a record for hilarious civic functions, smashing the previous record set when Baron Hans Neizant Bompzidaize was elected Landburgher of Koln in 1653. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. "," J. P. McEvoy ");
possibly("President Thieu says he'll quit if he doesn't get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, that's not called quitting. "," The Washington Post ");
possibly("[Prime Minister Joseph] Chamberlain loves the working man -- he loves to see him work. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Probable-Possible, my black hen, She lays eggs in the Relative When. She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now Because she's unable to postulate how. "," Frederick Winsor ");
possibly("Put your Nose to the Grindstone! "," Amalgamated Plastic Surgeons and Toolmakers, Ltd. ");
possibly("QWERT (kwirt), n. [MW < OW qwertyuiop, a thirteenth]: 1. a unit of weight equal to 13 poiuyt avoirdupois (or 1.69 kiloliks), commonly used in structural engineering; 2. [Colloq.] one thirteenth the load that a fully grown sligo can carry; 3. [Anat.] a painful irritation of the dermis in the region of the anus; 4. [Slang] person who excites in others the symptoms of a qwert. "," Webster's Middle World Dictionary, 4th ed. ");
possibly("Rattling around the back of my head is a disturbing image of something I saw at the airport ... Now I'm remembering, those giant piles of computer magazines right next to People and Time in the airport store. Does it bother anyone else that half the world is being told all of our hard-won secrets of computer technology? Remember how all the lawyers cried foul when How to Avoid Probate was published? Are they taking no-fault insurance lying down? No way! But at the current rate it won't be long before there are stacks of the Transactions on Information Theory at the A&P checkout counters. Who's going to be impressed with us electrical engineers then? Are we, as the saying goes, giving away the store? "," Robert W. Lucky, IEEE President ");
possibly("Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("Receiving a million dollars tax free will make you feel better than being flat broke and having a stomach ache. "," Dolph Sharp, I'm O.K., You're Not So Hot ");
possibly(" Reflections on Ice-Breaking Candy Is dandy But liquor Is quicker. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("Reintegration complete, ZORAC advised. We're back in the universe again ... An unusually long pause followed, ... but I don't know which part. We seem to have changed our position in space. A spherical display in the middle of the floor illuminated to show the starfield surrounding the ship. Several large, artificial constructions are approaching us, ZORAC announced after a short pause. The designs are not familiar, but they are obviously the products of intelligence. Implications: we have been intercepted deliberately by a means unknown, for a purpose unknown, and transferred to a place unknown by a form of intelligence unknown. Apart from the unknowns, everything is obvious. "," James P. Hogan, Giants Star ");
possibly("Remember that whatever misfortune may be your lot, it could only be worse in Cleveland. "," National Lampoon, Deteriorada ");
possibly("Reporter, n.: A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing. "," Wernher von Braun ");
possibly("RULES OF EATING -- THE BRONX DIETER'S CREED
1. Never eat on an empty stomach.
2. Never leave the table hungry.
3. When traveling, never leave a country hungry.
4. Enjoy your food.
5. Enjoy your companion's food.
6. Really taste your food. It may take several portions to accomplish this, especially if subtly seasoned.
7. Really feel your food. Texture is important. Compare, for example, the texture of a turnip to that of a brownie. Which feels better against your cheeks?
8. Never eat between snacks, unless it's a meal.
9. Don't feel you must finish everything on your plate. You can always eat it later.
10. Avoid any wine with a childproof cap.
11. Avoid blue food. "," Richard Smit, The Bronx Diet ");
possibly("San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was. "," Herb Caen ");
possibly("Santa Claus wears a Red Suit, He must be a communist. And a beard and long hair, Must be a pacifist. What's in that pipe that he's smoking? "," Arlo Guthrie ");
possibly("Saturday night in Toledo Ohio, Is like being nowhere at all, All through the day how the hours rush by, You sit in the park and you watch the grass die. "," John Denver, Saturday Night in Toledo Ohio ");
possibly("SCCS, the source motel! Programs check in and never check out! "," Ken Thompson ");
possibly("Seduced, shaggy Samson snored. She scissored short. Sorely shorn, Soon shackled slave, Samson sighed, Silently scheming, Sightlessly seeking Some savage, spectacular suicide. "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly(" Seven years and six months! Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd have said `Leave off at seven' -- but it's too late now. I never ask advice about growing, Alice said indignantly. Too proud? the other enquired. Alice felt even more indignant at this suggestion. I mean, she said, that one can't help growing older. ONE can't, perhaps, said Humpty Dumpty; but TWO can. With proper assistance, you might have left off at seven. "," Lewis Carroll ");
possibly("Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. Yes is the answer. "," Swami X ");
possibly("Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated. "," M. C. Reed. ");
possibly("Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("Shamus, n.: A shamus is a guy who takes care of handyman tasks around the temple, and makes sure everything is in working order. A shamus is at the bottom of the pecking order of synagog functionaries, and there's a joke about that: A rabbi, to show his humility before God, cries out in the middle of a service, Oh, Lord, I am nobody! The cantor, not to be bested, also cries out, Oh, Lord, I am nobody! The shamus, deeply moved, follows suit and cries, Oh, Lord, I am nobody! The rabbi turns to the cantor and says, Look who thinks he's nobody! "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("She is descended from a long line that her mother listened to. "," Gypsy Rose Lee ");
possibly("She is not refined. She is not unrefined. She keeps a parrot. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Sherry [Thomas Sheridan] is dull, naturally dull; but it must have taken him a great deal of pains to become what we now see him. Such an excess of stupidity, sir, is not in Nature. "," Samuel Johnson ");
possibly("Signs of crime: screaming or cries for help. "," from the Brown Security Crime Prevention Pamphlet ");
possibly("Since I hurt my pendulum My life is all erratic. My parrot, who was cordial, Is now transmitting static. The carpet died, a palm collapsed, The cat keeps doing poo. The only thing that keeps me sane Is talking to my shoe. "," My Shoe ");
possibly("Since we're all here, we must not be all there. "," Bob Mountain Beck ");
possibly("[Sir Stafford Cripps] has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. "," Winston Churchill ");
possibly("Slurm, n.: The slime that accumulates on the underside of a soap bar when it sits in the dish too long. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("Snacktrek, n.: The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence. "," Bertrand Russell ");
possibly("So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage leaf to make an apple pie; and at the same time a great she-bear, coming up the street pops its head into the shop. What! no soap? So he died, and she very imprudently married the barber; and there were present the Picninnies, and the Grand Panjandrum himself, with the little round button at top, and they all fell to playing the game of catch as catch can, till the gunpowder ran out at the heels of their boots. "," Samuel Foote ");
possibly("Some of you ... may have decided that, this year, you're going to celebrate it the old-fashioned way, with your family sitting around stringing cranberries and exchanging humble, handmade gifts, like on The Waltons. Well, you can forget it. If everybody pulled that kind of subversive stunt, the economy would collapse overnight. The government would have to intervene: it would form a cabinet-level Department of Holiday Gift-Giving, which would spend billions and billions of tax dollars to buy Barbie dolls and electronic games, which it would drop on the populace from Air Force jets, killing and maiming thousands. So, for the good of the nation, you should go along with the Holiday Program. This means you should get a large sum of money and go to a mall. "," Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide ");
possibly("Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them. "," Joseph Heller, Catch-22 ");
possibly("Some points to remember [about animals]: 1. Don't go to sleep under big animals, e.g., elephants, rhinoceri, hippopotamuses; 2. Don't put animals with sharp teeth or poisonous fangs down the front of your clothes; 3. Don't pat certain animals, e.g., crocodiles and scorpions or dogs you have just kicked. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. "," Lily Tomlin ");
possibly("Somewhere, said Father Vittorini, did Blake not speak of the Machineries of Joy? That is, did not God promote environments, then intimidate these Natures by provoking the existence of flesh, toy men and women, such as are we all? And thus happily sent forth, at our best, with good grace and fine wit, on calm noons, in fair climes, are we not God's Machineries of Joy? If Blake said that, said Father Brian, he never lived in Dublin. "," R. Bradbury, The Machineries of Joy ");
possibly("Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the drug store, but that's just peanuts to space. "," The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("Speak roughly to your little boy, And beat him when he sneezes: He only does it to annoy Because he knows it teases. Wow! wow! wow! I speak severely to my boy, And beat him when he sneezes: For he can thoroughly enjoy The pepper when he pleases! Wow! wow! wow! "," Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland ");
possibly("Speaking of love, one problem that recurs more and more frequently these days, in books and plays and movies, is the inability of people to communicate with the people they love; Husbands and wives who can't communicate, children who can't communicate with their parents, and so on. And the characters in these books and plays and so on (and in real life, I might add) spend hours bemoaning the fact that they can't communicate. I feel that if a person can't communicate, the very _____least he can do is to Shut Up! "," Tom Lehrer, That Was the Year that Was ");
possibly("Spirtle, n.: The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in your eye. "," Sniglets, Rich Hall & Friends ");
possibly("Substitute damn every time you're inclined to write very; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Take heart amid the deepening gloom that your dog is finally getting enough cheese "," National Lampoon, Deteriorada ");
possibly("Take my word for it, the silliest woman can manage a clever man, but it needs a very clever woman to manage a fool. "," Kipling ");
possibly(" Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It was a good beverage, no question about it; generations of people had grown up drinking it and doing the experiment in sixth grade where you put a nail into a glass of Coke and after a couple of days the nail dissolves and the teacher says: Imagine what it does to your TEETH! So Coca-Cola was solidly entrenched in the market, and the management saw no need to improve ... "," Dave Barry, In Search of Excellence ");
possibly("Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less advanced life forms, and they'll call you crazy. "," Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul ");
possibly("Take your dying with some seriousness, however. Laughing on the way to your execution is not generally understood by less-advanced life-forms, and they'll call you crazy. "," Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul ");
possibly("Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish. "," Euripides ");
possibly("Talkers are no good doers. "," William Shakespeare, Henry VI ");
possibly("Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. "," Friedrich Nietzsche ");
possibly("Tax reform means Don't tax you, don't tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree. "," Russell Long ");
possibly("Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means for going backwards. "," Aldous Huxley ");
possibly("Ten years of rejection slips is nature's way of telling you to stop writing. "," R. Geis ");
possibly("Terence, this is stupid stuff: You eat your victuals fast enough; There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear, To see the rate you drink your beer. But oh, good Lord, the verse you make, It gives a chap the belly-ache. The cow, the old cow, she is dead; It sleeps well the horned head: We poor lads, 'tis our turn now To hear such tunes as killed the cow. Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme Your friends to death before their time. Moping, melancholy mad: Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad. "," A. E. Housman ");
possibly("Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about his 35th year, when he became a Christian .... To him is ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe because it is absurd). This does not altogether accord with historical fact, for he merely said: And the Son of God died, which is immediately credible because it is absurd. And buried he rose again, which is certain because it is impossible. Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it. "," C. G. Jung, in Psychological Types (Teruillian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church). ");
possibly("Text processing has made it possible to right-justify any idea, even one which cannot be justified on any other grounds. "," J. Finnegan, USC. ");
possibly("That woman speaks eight languages and can't say no in any of them. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("The [Ford Foundation] is a large body of money completely surrounded by people who want some. "," Dwight MacDonald ");
possibly("The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper "," Thomas Jefferson ");
possibly("... The Anarchists' [national] anthem is an international anthem that consists of 365 raspberries blown in very quick succession to the tune of Camptown Races. Nobody has to stand up for it, nobody has to listen to it, and, even better, nobody has to play it. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("The Army has carried the American ... ideal to its logical conclusion. Not only do they prohibit discrimination on the grounds of race, creed and color, but also on ability. "," T. Lehrer ");
possibly("The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. "," Bill Murray ");
possibly("The basic idea behind malls is that they are more convenient than cities. Cities contain streets, which are dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in. Malls, on the other hand, have parking lots, which are also dangerous and crowded and difficult to park in, but -- here is the big difference -- in mall parking lots, THERE ARE NO RULES. You're allowed to do anything. You can drive as fast as you want in any direction you want. I was once driving in a mall parking lot when my car was struck by a pickup truck being driven backward by a squat man with a tattoo that said Charlie on his forearm, who got out and explained to me, in great detail, why the accident was my fault, his reasoning being that he was violent and muscular, whereas I was neither. This kind of reasoning is legally valid in mall parking lots. "," Dave Barry, Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide ");
possibly("The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. "," W. C. Fields ");
possibly("The biggest difference between time and space is that you can't reuse time. "," Merrick Furst ");
possibly("The computing field is always in need of new cliches. "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts: Of course it is none of my business, but -- is to place a period after the word but. Don't use excessive force in supplying such a moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about. "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to eat. "," John McNulty ");
possibly("The Crown is full of it! "," Nate Harris, 1775 ");
possibly("The difference between a misfortune and a calamity? If Gladstone fell into the Thames, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity. "," Benjamin Disraeli ");
possibly("The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning while those other subjects merely require scholarship. "," Robert Heinlein ");
possibly("The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. "," G. B. Shaw ");
possibly("The fact that it works is immaterial. "," L. Ogborn ");
possibly("The first duty of a revolutionary is to get away with it. "," Abbie Hoffman ");
possibly("The first Great Steward, Parrafin the Climber, was employed in King Chloroplast's kitchen as second scullery boy when the old King met a tragic death. He apparently fell backward by accident on a dozen salad forks. Simultaneously the true heir, his son Carotene, mysteriously fled the city, complaining of some sort of plot and a lot of threatening notes left on his breakfast tray. At the time, this looked suspicious what with his father's death, and Carotene was suspected of foul play. Then the rest of the King's relatives began to drop dead one after the other in an odd fashion. Some were found strangled with dishrags and some succumbed to food poisoning. A few were found drowned in the soup vats, and one was attacked by assailants unknown and beaten to death with a pot roast. At least three appear to have thrown themselves backward on salad forks, perhaps in a noble gesture of grief over the King's untimely end. Finally there was no one left in Minas Troney who was either eligible or willing to wear the accursed crown, and the rule of Twodor was up for grabs. The scullery slave Parrafin bravely accepted the Stewardship of Twodor until that day when a lineal descendant of Carotene's returns to reclaim his rightful throne, conquer Twodor's enemies, and revamp the postal system. "," Harvard Lampoon, Bored of the Rings ");
possibly("The first riddle I ever heard, one familiar to almost every Jewish child, was propounded to me by my father: What is it that hangs on the wall, is green, wet -- and whistles? I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity gave up. A herring, said my father. A herring, I echoed. A herring doesn't hang on the wall! So hang it there. But a herring isn't green! I protested. Paint it. But a herring isn't wet. If its just painted its still wet. But -- I sputtered, summoning all my outrage, -- a herring doesn't whistle!! Right, smiled my father. I just put that in to make it hard. "," Leo Rosten, The Joys of Yiddish ");
possibly("The First Rule of Program Optimization: Don't do it. The Second Rule of Program Optimization (for experts only!): Don't do it yet. "," Michael Jackson ");
possibly("The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog: The Gerat Bald Swamp Hedgehog of Billericay displays, in courtship, his single prickle and does impressions of Holiday Inn desk clerks. Since this means him standing motionless for enormous periods of time he is often eaten in full display by The Great Bald Swamp Hedgehog Eater. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. "," Albert Einstein ");
possibly("The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for lists of Ten Best. "," H. Allen Smith ");
possibly("The human mind treats a new idea the way the body treats a strange protein -- it rejects it. "," P. Medawar ");
possibly("The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("The illegal we do immediately. The unconstitutional takes a bit longer. "," Henry Kissinger ");
possibly("The individual choice of garnishment of a burger can be an important point to the consumer in this day when individualism is an increasingly important thing to people. "," Donald N. Smith, president of Burger King ");
possibly("The IRS spends God knows how much of your tax money on these toll-free information hot lines staffed by IRS employees, whose idea of a dynamite tax tip is that you should print neatly. If you ask them a real tax question, such as how you can cheat, they're useless. So, for guidance, you want to look to big business. Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes... "," Dave Barry, Sweating Out Taxes ");
possibly("The ladies men admire, I've heard, Would shudder at a wicked word. Their candle gives a single light; They'd rather stay at home at night. They do not keep awake till three, Nor read erotic poetry. They never sanction the impure, Nor recognize an overture. They shrink from powders and from paints ... So far, I've had no complaints. "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("The Law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich, as well as the poor, to sleep under the bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread. "," Anatole France ");
possibly("The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("The longer I am out of office, the more infallible I appear to myself. "," Henry Kissinger ");
possibly("The Lord gave us farmers two strong hands so we could grab as much as we could with both of them. "," Joseph Heller, Catch-22 ");
possibly("The man who follows the crowd will usually get no further than the crowd. The man who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been. "," Alan Ashley-Pitt ");
possibly("The more laws and order are made prominent, the more thieves and robbers there will be. "," Lao Tsu ");
possibly("The mosquito is the state bird of New Jersey. "," Andy Warhol ");
possibly("The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but That's funny ... "," Isaac Asimov ");
possibly("The New Testament offers the basis for modern computer coding theory, in the form of an affirmation of the binary number system. But let your communication be Yea, yea; nay, nay: for whatsoever is more than these cometh of evil. "," Matthew 5:37 ");
possibly("The nice thing about standards is that there are so many of them to choose from. "," Andrew S. Tanenbaum ");
possibly("The notion of a record is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. "," Dennis M. Ritchie ");
possibly("The only possible interpretation of any research whatever in the `social sciences' is: some do, some don't. "," Ernest Rutherford ");
possibly("The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("The opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. "," Bohr ");
possibly("The optimum committee has no members. "," Norman Augustine ");
possibly("The past always looks better than it was. It's only pleasant because it isn't here. "," Finley Peter Dunne (Mr. Dooley) ");
possibly(" The people of Halifax invented the trampoline. During the Victorian period the tripe-dressers of Halifax stretched tripe across a large wooden frame and jumped up and down on it to `tender and dress' it. The tripoline, as they called it, degenerated into becoming the apparatus for a spectator sport. The people of Halifax also invented the harmonium, a device for castrating pigs during Sunday service. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("The Pig, if I am not mistaken, Gives us ham and pork and Bacon. Let others think his heart is big, I think it stupid of the Pig. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("The pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter. The batter swang and missed. The pitcher flang the ball again and this time the batter connected. He hit a high fly right to the center fielder. The center fielder was all set to catch the ball, but at the last minute his eyes were blound by the sun and he dropped it. "," Dizzy Dean ");
possibly("The pitcher wound up and he flang the ball at the batter. The batter swang and missed. The pitcher flang the ball again and this time the batter connected. He hit a high fly right to the center fielder. The center fielder was all set to catch the ball, but at the last minute his eyes were blound by the sun and he dropped it. "," Dizzy Dean ");
possibly("The Preacher, the Politicain, the Teacher, Were each of them once a kiddie. A child, indeed, is a wonderful creature. Do I want one? God Forbiddie! "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("The primary purpose of the DATA statement is to give names to constants; instead of referring to pi as 3.141592653589793 at every appearance, the variable PI can be given that value with a DATA statement and used instead of the longer form of the constant. This also simplifies modifying the program, should the value of pi change. "," FORTRAN manual for Xerox Computers ");
possibly("The problem ... is that we have run out of dinosaurs to form oil with. Scientists working for the Department of Energy have tried to form oil using other animals; they've piled thousands of tons of sand and Middle Eastern countries on top of cows, raccoons, haddock, laboratory rats, etc., but so far all they have managed to do is run up an enormous bulldozer-rental bill and anger a lot of Middle Eastern persons. None of the animals turned into oil, although most of the laboratory rats developed cancer. "," Dave Barry, Postpetroleum Guzzler ");
possibly("The problem with any unwritten law is that you don't know where to go to erase it. "," Glaser and Way ");
possibly("The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues. "," Elizabeth Taylor ");
possibly("The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake since its colors are those of the London Reform Club. Once tied around its victim's neck, it strangles him gently and then claims the insurance before running off to Germany where it lives in hiding. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("The pyramid is opening! Which one? The one with the ever-widening hole in it! "," Firesign Theater, How Can You Be In Two Places At Once When You're Not Anywhere At All ");
possibly("The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("The reward of a thing well done is to have done it. "," Emerson ");
possibly("The Ruffed Pandanga of Borneo and Rotherham spreads out his feathers in his courtship dance and imitates Winston Churchill and Tommy Cooper on one leg. The padanga is dying out because the female padanga doesn't take it too seriously. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly(" The seven eyes of Ningauble the Wizard floated back to his hood as he reported to Fafhrd: I have seen much, yet cannot explain all. The Gray Mouser is exactly twenty-five feet below the deepest cellar in the palace of Gilpkerio Kistomerces. Even though twenty-four parts in twenty-five of him are dead, he is alive. Now about Lankhmar. She's been invaded, her walls breached everywhere and desperate fighting is going on in the streets, by a fierce host which out-numbers Lankhamar's inhabitants by fifty to one -- and equipped with all modern weapons. Yet you can save the city. How? demanded Fafhrd. Ningauble shrugged. You're a hero. You should know. "," Fritz Leiber, from The Swords of Lankhmar ");
possibly("The shortest distance between two points is under construction. "," Noelie Altito ");
possibly("The steady state of disks is full. ","Ken Thompson ");
possibly(" THE STORY OF CREATION or THE MYTH OF URK In the beginning there was data. The data was without form and null, and darkness was upon the face of the console; and the Spirit of IBM was moving over the face of the market. And DEC said, Let there be registers; and there were registers. And DEC saw that they carried; and DEC separated the data from the instructions. DEC called the data Stack, and the instructions they called Code. And there was evening and there was morning, one interrupt ... "," Rico Tudor ");
possibly("The sun was shining on the sea, Shining with all his might: He did his very best to make The billows smooth and bright -- And this was very odd, because it was The middle of the night. "," Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass ");
possibly("The superfluous is very necessary. "," Voltaire ");
possibly("The temperature of Heaven can be rather accurately computed. Our authority is Isaiah 30:26, Moreover, the light of the Moon shall be as the light of the Sun and the light of the Sun shall be sevenfold, as the light of seven days. Thus Heaven receives from the Moon as much radiation as we do from the Sun, and in addition 7*7 (49) times as much as the Earth does from the Sun, or 50 times in all. The light we receive from the Moon is one 1/10,000 of the light we receive from the Sun, so we can ignore that ... The radiation falling on Heaven will heat it to the point where the heat lost by radiation is just equal to the heat received by radiation, i.e., Heaven loses 50 times as much heat as the Earth by radiation. Using the Stefan-Boltzmann law for radiation, (_H/_E)^4 = 50, where _E is the absolute temperature of the earth (-300K), gives _H as 798K (525C). The exact temperature of Hell cannot be computed ... [However] Revelations 21:8 says But the fearful, and unbelieving ... shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone. A lake of molten brimstone means that its temperature must be at or below the boiling point, 444.6C. We have, then, that Heaven, at 525C is hotter than Hell at 445C. "," From Applied Optics vol. 11, A14, 1972 ");
possibly("The trouble with a kitten is that When it grows up, it's always a cat "," Ogden Nash. ");
possibly("The turtle lives 'twixt plated decks Which practically conceal its sex. I think it clever of the turtle In such a fix to be so fertile. "," Ogden Nash ");
possibly("The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledegook than the rest of the world put together. "," Sir Peter Medawar ");
possibly("The USA is so enormous, and so numerous are its schools, colleges and religious seminaries, many devoted to special religious beliefs ranging from the unorthodox to the dotty, that we can hardly wonder at its yielding a more bounteous harvest of gobbledygook than the rest of the world put together. "," Sir Peter Medawar ");
possibly("The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense. "," E. W. Dijkstra ");
possibly("The warning message we sent the Russians was a calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood. "," Alexander Haig ");
possibly("The world's as ugly as sin, And almost as delightful "," Frederick Locker-Lampson ");
possibly("Then a man said: Speak to us of Expectations. He then said: If a man does not see or hear the waters of the Jordan, then he should not taste the pomegranate or ply his wares in an open market. If a man would not labour in the salt and rock quarries then he should not accept of the Earth that which he refuses to give of himself. Such a man would expect a pear of a peach tree. Such a man would expect a stone to lay an egg. Such a man would expect Sears to assemble a lawnmower. "," Kehlog Albran, The Profit ");
possibly(" THEORY Into love and out again, Thus I went and thus I go. Spare your voice, and hold your pen: Well and bitterly I know All the songs were ever sung, All the words were ever said; Could it be, when I was young, Someone dropped me on my head? "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy ... "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone. "," Gloria Steinem ");
possibly(" There are some goyisha names that just about guarantee that someone isn't Jewish. For example, you'll never meet a Jew named Johnson or Wright or Jones or Sinclair or Ricks or Stevenson or Reid or Larsen or Jenks. But some goyisha names just about guarantee that every other person you meet with that name will be Jewish. Why is this? Who knows? Learned rabbis have pondered this question for centuries and have failed to come up with an answer, and you think ___you can find one? Get serious. You don't even understand why it's forbidden to eat crab -- fresh cold crab with mayonnaise -- or lobster -- soft tender morsels of lobster dipped in melted butter. You don't even understand a simple thing like that, and yet you hope to discover why there are more Jews named Miller than Katz? Fat Chance. "," Arthur Naiman, Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish ");
possibly("There are three kinds of lies: Lies, Damn Lies, and Statistics. "," Disraeli ");
possibly("There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted. "," Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behaviour ");
possibly("There are two kinds of solar-heat systems: passive systems collect the sunlight that hits your home, and active systems collect the sunlight that hits your neighbors' homes, too. "," Dave Barry, Postpetroleum Guzzler ");
possibly("There are two ways of disliking poetry; one way is to dislike it, the other is to read Pope. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full. "," Henry Kissinger ");
possibly("There is a theory that states: If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable. There is another theory that states: This has already happened .... "," Donald Adams, Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. "," Donald Adams, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("There is no realizable power that man cannot, in time, fashion the tools to attain, nor any power so secure that the naked ape will not abuse it. So it is written in the genetic cards -- only physics and war hold him in check. And also the wife who wants him home by five, of course. "," Encyclopadia Apocryphia, 1990 ed. ");
possibly("There is no satisfaction in hanging a man who does not object to it "," G. B. Shaw ");
possibly("There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("There is something fascinating about science. One gets such wholesale returns of conjecture out of such a trifling investment of fact. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it. "," C. S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia ");
possibly("There's little in taking or giving, There's little in water or wine: This living, this living, this living, Was never a project of mine. Oh, hard is the struggle, and sparse is The gain of the one at the top, For art is a form of catharsis, And love is a permanent flop, And work is the province of cattle, And rest's for a clam in a shell, So I'm thinking of throwing the battle -- Would you kindly direct me to hell? "," Dorothy Parker ");
possibly("There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. "," Dr. Who ");
possibly("There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. "," Clint Eastwood ");
possibly("There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic. "," Lily Tomlin ");
possibly("They spell it da Vinci and pronounce it da Vinchy. Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not. "," A. E. Housman ");
possibly("This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. "," Douglas Adams ");
possibly(" ... This striving for excellence extends into people's personal lives as well. When '80s people buy something, they buy the best one, as determined by (1) price and (2) lack of availability. Eighties people buy imported dental floss. They buy gourmet baking soda. If an '80s couple goes to a restaurant where they have made a reservation three weeks in advance, and they are informed that their table is available, they stalk out immediately, because they know it is not an excellent restaurant. If it were, it would have an enormous crowd of excellence-oriented people like themselves waiting, their beepers going off like crickets in the night. An excellent restaurant wouldn't have a table ready immediately for anybody below the rank of Liza Minnelli. "," Dave Barry, In Search of Excellence ");
possibly(" Thompson, if he is to be believed, has sampled the entire rainbow of legal and illegal drugs in heroic efforts to feel better than he does. As for the truth about his health: I have asked around about it. I am told that he appears to be strong and rosy, and steadily sane. But we will be doing what he wants us to do, I think, if we consider his exterior a sort of Dorian Gray facade. Inwardly, he is being eaten alive by tinhorn politicians. The disease is fatal. There is no known cure. The most we can do for the poor devil, it seems to me, is to name his disease in his honor. From this moment on, let all those who feel that Americans can be as easily led to beauty as to ugliness, to truth as to public relations, to joy as to bitterness, be said to be suffering from Hunter Thompson's disease. I don't have it this morning. It comes and goes. This morning I don't have Hunter Thompson's disease. "," Kurt Vonnegut Jr. on Dr. Hunter S. Thompson: Excerpt from A Political Disease, Vonnegut's review of Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72 ");
possibly("Those who educate children well are more to be honored than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. "," Aristotle ");
possibly("Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable. "," John F. Kennedy ");
possibly("Three great scientific theories of the structure of the universe are the molecular, the corpuscular and the atomic. A fourth affirms, with Haeckel, the condensation or precipitation of matter from ether -- whose existence is proved by the condensation or precipitation ... A fifth theory is held by idiots, but it is doubtful if they know any more about the matter than the others. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly(" To A Quick Young Fox: Why jog exquisite bulk, fond crazy vamp, Daft buxom jonquil, zephyr's gawky vice? Guy fed by work, quiz Jove's xanthic lamp -- Zow! Qualms by deja vu gyp fox-kin thrice. "," Lazy Dog ");
possibly("To be is to do. " + leftoff + righton + " I. Kant " + rightoff + lefton + "To do is to be. " + leftoff + righton + " A. Sartre " + rightoff + lefton + "Yabba-Dabba-Doo! "," F. Flintstone ");
possibly("To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk. "," Thomas Edison ");
possibly("To those accustomed to the precise, structured methods of conventional system development, exploratory development techniques may seem messy, inelegant, and unsatisfying. But it's a question of congruence: precision and flexibility may be just as disfunctional in novel, uncertain situations as sloppiness and vacillation are in familiar, well-defined ones. Those who admire the massive, rigid bone structures of dinosaurs should remember that jellyfish still enjoy their very secure ecological niche. "," Beau Sheil, Power Tools for Programmers ");
possibly("To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? "," Dave Barry, What is Electricity? ");
possibly("Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. "," Mae West ");
possibly("Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. "," Henrik Tikkanen ");
possibly("Truthful, adj.: Dumb and illiterate. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Try not to have a good time ... This is supposed to be educational. "," Charles Schulz ");
possibly("TV is chewing gum for the eyes. "," Frank Lloyd Wright ");
possibly("Two can Live as Cheaply as One for Half as Long. "," Howard Kandel ");
possibly("Uncle Cosmo ... why do they call this a word processor? It's simple, Skyler ... you've seen what food processors do to food, right? "," MacNelley, Shoe ");
possibly("Unfair animal names: -- tsetse fly -- bullhead -- booby -- duck-billed platypus -- sapsucker -- Clarence "," Gary Larson ");
possibly("United Nations, New York, December 25. The peace and joy of the Christmas season was marred by a proclamation of a general strike of all the military forces of the world. Panic reigns in the hearts of all the patriots of every persuasion. Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time low over the world. "," Isaac Asimov ");
possibly("Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. "," H. L. Mencken ");
possibly("Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach. "," S. C. Johnson ");
possibly(" Verily and forsooth, replied Goodgulf darkly. In the past year strange and fearful wonders I have seen. Fields sown with barley reap crabgrass and fungus, and even small gardens reject their artichoke hearts. There has been a hot day in December and a blue moon. Calendars are made with a month of Sundays and a blue-ribbon Holstein bore alive two insurance salesmen. The earth splits and the entrails of a goat were found tied in square knots. The face of the sun blackens and the skies have rained down soggy potato chips. But what do all these things mean? gasped Frito. Beats me, said Goodgulf with a shrug, but I thought it made good copy. "," Harvard Lampoon, Bored of the Rings ");
possibly("Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent. "," Salvor Hardin ");
possibly("Wagner's music is better than it sounds. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("War hath no fury like a non-combatant. "," Charles Edward Montague ");
possibly("Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. "," John F. Kennedy ");
possibly("We ARE as gods and might as well get good at it. "," Whole Earth Catalog ");
possibly("We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. "," Walt Kelly, Pogo ");
possibly("We are confronted with insurmountable opportunities. "," Walt Kelly, Pogo ");
possibly("We have met the enemy, and he is us. "," Walt Kelly ");
possibly("We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. "," Lily Tomlin ");
possibly("We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking. "," F. G. Withington ");
possibly(" We were young and our happiness dazzled us with its strength. But there was also a terrible betrayal that lay within me like a Merle Haggard song at a French restaurant. ...
I could not tell the girl about the woman of the tollway, of her milk white BMW and her Jordache smile. There had been a fight. I had punched her boyfriend, who fought the mechanical bulls. Everyone told him, You ride the bull, senor. You do not fight it. But he was lean and tough like a bad rib-eye and he fought the bull. And then he fought me. And when we finished there were no winners, just men doing what men must do. ...
Stop the car, the girl said. There was a look of terrible sadness in her eyes. She knew about the woman of the tollway. I knew not how. I started to speak, but she raised an arm and spoke with a quiet and peace I will never forget. I do not ask for whom's the tollway belle, she said, the tollway belle's for thee.
The next morning our youth was a memory, and our happiness was a lie. Life is like a bad margarita with good tequila, I thought as I poured whiskey onto my granola and faced a new day. "," Peter Applebome, International Imitation Hemingway Competition ");
possibly("We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna We wish you a Hare Krishna And a Sun Myung Moon! "," Maxwell Smart ");
possibly("We're deep into the holiday gift-giving season, as you can tell from the fact that everywhere you look, you see jolly old St. Nick urging you to purchase things, to the point where you want to slug him right in his bowl full of jelly. "," Dave Barry, Simple, Homespun Gifts ");
possibly("We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it. "," Andy Rooney ");
possibly("Well, I would -- if they realized that we -- again if -- if we led them back to that stalemate only because our retaliatory power, our seconds, or strike at them after our first strike, would be so destructive they they couldn't afford it, that would hold them off. "," President Ronald Reagan, on the MX missile ");
possibly("Well, if you can't believe what you read in a comic book, what *___can* you believe?! "," Bullwinkle J. Moose [Jay Ward] ");
possibly("Well, my terminal's locked up, and I ain't got any Mail, And I can't recall the last time that my program didn't fail; I've got stacks in my structs, I've got arrays in my queues, I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues. If you think that it's nice that you get what you C, Then go : illogical statement with your whole family, 'Cause the Supreme Court ain't the only place with : Bus error views. I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues. On a PDP-11, life should be a breeze, But with VAXen in the house even magnetic tapes would freeze. Now you might think that unlike VAXen I'd know who I abuse, I've got the : Segmentation violation -- Core dumped blues. "," Core Dumped Blues ");
possibly("What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. "," Woody Allen, Without Feathers ");
possibly("What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? "," Woody Allen, Without Feathers ");
possibly("What is a magician but a practising theorist? "," Obi-Wan Kenobi ");
possibly("What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. "," Thomas Hewitt Key, 1799-1875 ");
possibly("What is the robbing of a bank compared to the FOUNDING of a bank? "," Bertold Brecht ");
possibly("What publishers are looking for these days isn't radical feminism. It's corporate feminism -- a brand of feminism designed to sell books and magazines, three-piece suits, airline tickets, Scotch, cigarettes and, most important, corporate America's message, which runs: Yes, women were discriminated against in the past, but that unfortunate mistake has been remedied; now every woman can attain wealth, prestige and power by dint of individual rather than collective effort. "," Susan Gordon ");
possibly("What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? "," Ursula K. LeGuin ");
possibly("What use is magic if it can't save a unicorn? "," Peter S. Beagle, The Last Unicorn ");
possibly(" What's that thing? Well, it's a highly technical, sensitive instrument we use in computer repair. Being a layman, you probably can't grasp exactly what it does. We call it a two-by-four. "," Jeff MacNelly, Shoe ");
possibly("Whatever became of Strange de Jim? Well, he found a substitute for cocaine: You cover Q-tips with sandpaper and ram them up your nostrils as far as they will go. Then you sniff talcum powder while shredding hundred dollar bills. "," Herb Caen ");
possibly("Whatever is not nailed down is mine. What I can pry loose is not nailed down. "," Collis P. Huntingdon ");
possibly("When a Banker jumps out of a window, jump after him -- that's where the money is. "," Robespierre ");
possibly("When a fellow says, It ain't the money but the principle of the thing, it's the money. "," Kim Hubbard ");
possibly("When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere. "," Robert Heinlein ");
possibly("When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain relationships to the wolf the shepherd may have forgotten. "," Robert Pirsig, Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance ");
possibly("When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it. "," Clarence Darrow ");
possibly("When I was in school, I cheated on my metaphysics exam: I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me. "," Woody Allen ");
possibly("When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened. It is sad to go to pieces like this but we all have to do it. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("When in doubt, tell the truth. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("When in doubt, use brute force. "," Ken Thompson ");
possibly("When love is gone, there's always justice. And when justice is gone, there's always force. And when force is gone, there's always Mom. Hi, Mom! "," Laurie Anderson ");
possibly("When more and more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results. "," Calvin Coolidge ");
possibly("When the going gets tough, the tough get empirical "," Jon Carroll ");
possibly("When the Ngdanga tribe of West Africa hold their moon love ceremonies, the men of the tribe bang their heads on sacred trees until they get a nose bleed, which usually cures them of ____that. "," Mike Harding, The Armchair Anarchist's Almanac ");
possibly("When the Universe was not so out of whack as it is today, and all the stars were lined up in their proper places, you could easily count them from left to right, or top to bottom, and the larger and bluer ones were set apart, and the smaller yellowing types pushed off to the corners as bodies of a lower grade ... "," Stanislaw Lem, Cyberiad ");
possibly("When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. "," George Bernard Shaw ");
possibly("When we are planning for posterity, we ought to remember that virtue is not hereditary. "," Thomas Paine ");
possibly(" When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer to a definite problem. For better or worse you have acted decisively. In a way, the next move is up to him. "," R. A. Lafferty ");
possibly("When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. "," Winston Curchill, On formal declarations of war ");
possibly("When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers. "," The Wall Street Journal ");
possibly("When you're away, I'm restless, lonely,
Wretched, bored, dejected; only
Here's the rub, my darling dear
I feel the same when you are near. "," Samuel Hoffenstein, When You're Away ");
possibly("Whenever anyone says, theoretically, they really mean, not really. "," Dave Parnas ");
possibly("Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. "," A. Lincoln ");
possibly("Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. ","Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Whenever the literary German dives into a sentence, that is the last you are going to see of him until he emerges on the other side of his Atlantic with his verb in his mouth. "," Mark Twain Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court ");
possibly("Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform. "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Where humor is concerned there are no standards -- no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. "," John Kenneth Galbraith ");
possibly("Whether you can hear it or not The Universe is laughing behind your back "," National Lampoon, Deteriorada ");
possibly("While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things, The fate of empires and the fall of kings; While quacks of State must each produce his plan, And even children lisp the Rights of Man; Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention, The Rights of Woman merit some attention. "," Robert Burns, Address on The Rights of Woman, November 26, 1792 ");
possibly("While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands you are safe, for you can watch both of his. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. "," A. E. Housman ");
possibly("Why be a man when you can be a success? "," Bertold Brecht ");
possibly("Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. "," Woody Allen, Without Feathers ");
possibly("Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved "," Mark Twain ");
possibly("Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet? "," Lily Tomlin ");
possibly("Why not have an old-fashioned Christmas for your family this year? Just picture the scene in your living room on Christmas morning as your children open their old-fashioned presents. Your 11-year-old son: What the heck is this? You: A spinning top! You spin it around, and then eventually it falls down. What fun! Ha, ha! Son: Is this a joke? Jason Thompson's parents got him a computer with two disk drives and 128 kilobytes of random-access memory, and I get this cretin TOP? Your 8-year-old daughter: You think that's bad? Look at this. You: It's figgy pudding! What a treat! Daughter: It looks like goat barf. "," Dave Barry, Simple, Homespun Gifts ");
possibly("Why was I born with such contemporaries? "," Oscar Wilde ");
possibly("Wit, n.: The salt with which the American Humorist spoils his cookery ... by leaving it out. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("With a rubber duck, one's never alone. "," The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is no such thing as progress. "," Ransom K. Ferm ");
possibly("Wood is highly ecological, since trees are a renewable resource. If you cut down a tree, another will grow in its place. And if you cut down the new tree, still another will grow. And if you cut down that tree, yet another will grow, only this one will be a mutation with long, poisonous tentacles and revenge in its heart, and it will sit there in the forest, cackling and making elaborate plans for when you come back. Wood heat is not new. It dates back to a day millions of years ago, when a group of cavemen were sitting around, watching dinosaurs rot. Suddenly, lightning struck a nearby log and set it on fire. One of the cavemen stared at the fire for a few minutes, then said: Hey! Wood heat! The other cavemen, who did not understand English, immediately beat him to death with stones. But the key discovery had been made, and from that day forward, the cavemen had all the heat they needed, although their insurance rates went way up. "," Dave Barry, Postpetroleum Guzzler ");
possibly("Worst Month of 1981 for Downhill Skiing: August. The lines are the shortest, though. "," Steve Rubenstein ");
possibly("Worst Month of the Year: February. February has only 28 days in it, which means that if you rent an apartment, you are paying for three full days you don't get. Try to avoid Februarys whenever possible. "," Steve Rubenstein ");
possibly("Worst Vegetable of the Year: The brussels sprout. This is also the worst vegetable of next year. "," Steve Rubenstein ");
possibly("Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here? That depends a good deal on where you want to get to, said the Cat "," Lewis Carrol ");
possibly("Write-Protect Tab, n.: A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly left by disk manufacturers. The use of the tab creates an error message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs the momentary inconvenience. "," Robb Russon ");
possibly("Yacc owes much to a most stimulating collection of users, who have goaded me beyond my inclination, and frequently beyond my ability in their endless search for one more feature. Their irritating unwillingness to learn how to do things my way has usually led to my doing things their way; most of the time, they have been right. "," S. C. Johnson, Yacc guide acknowledgements ");
possibly("Year, n.: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments. "," Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary ");
possibly("Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. "," Snoopy ");
possibly("Yield to Temptation ... it may not pass your way again. "," Lazarus Long, Time Enough for Love ");
possibly("Yinkel, n.: A person who combs his hair over his bald spot, hoping no one will notice. "," Rich Hall, Sniglets ");
possibly("You are old, father William, the young man said, And your hair has become very white; And yet you incessantly stand on your head -- Do you think, at your age, it is right? In my youth, father William replied to his son, I feared it might injure the brain; But, now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again and again. "," Lewis Carrol ");
possibly("You are old, said the youth, and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak -- Pray, how did you manage to do it? In my youth, said his father, I took to the law, And argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength which it gave to my jaw, Has lasted the rest of my life. "," Lewis Carrol ");
possibly("You are old, said the youth, as I mentioned before, And have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door -- Pray what is the reason of that? In my youth, said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment -- one shilling the box -- Allow me to sell you a couple? "," Lewis Carrol ");
possibly("You are old, said the youth, one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balanced an eel on the end of your nose -- What made you so awfully clever? I have answered three questions, and that is enough, Said his father. Don't give yourself airs! Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? Be off, or I'll kick you down stairs! "," Lewis Carrol ");
possibly("You can always tell the Christmas season is here when you start getting incredibly dense, tinfoil-and-ribbon- wrapped lumps in the mail. Fruitcakes make ideal gifts because the Postal Service has been unable to find a way to damage them. They last forever, largely because nobody ever eats them. In fact, many smart people save the fruitcakes they receive and send them back to the original givers the next year; some fruitcakes have been passed back and forth for hundreds of years. The easiest way to make a fruitcake is to buy a darkish cake, then pound some old, hard fruit into it with a mallet. Be sure to wear safety glasses. "," Dave Barry, Simple, Homespun Gifts ");
possibly("You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word. "," Bumper Sticker ");
possibly("You can measure a programmer's perspective by noting his attitude on the continuing viability of FORTRAN. "," Alan Perlis ");
possibly("You can take all the impact that science considerations have on funding decisions at NASA, put them in the navel of a flea, and have room left over for a caraway seed and Tony Calio's heart. "," F. Allen ");
possibly("You can tell how far we have to go, when FORTRAN is the language of supercomputers. "," Steven Feiner ");
possibly("You can't start worrying about what's going to happen. You get spastic enough worrying about what's happening now. "," Lauren Bacall ");
possibly("You can't teach people to be lazy - either they have it, or they don't. "," Dagwood Bumstead ");
possibly("You couldn't even prove the White House staff sane beyond a reasonable doubt. "," Ed Meese, on the Hinckley verdict ");
possibly("You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers. "," J. D. Salinger ");
possibly("You don't sew with a fork, so I see no reason to eat with knitting needles. "," Miss Piggy, on eating Chinese Food ");
possibly("You first have to decide whether to use the short or the long form. The short form is what the Internal Revenue Service calls simplified, which means it is designed for people who need the help of a Sears tax-preparation expert to distinguish between their first and last names. Here's the complete text: 1. How much did you make? (AMOUNT) 2. How much did we here at the government take out? (AMOUNT) 3. Hey! Sounds like we took too much! So we're going to send an official government check for (ONE-FIFTEENTH OF THE AMOUNT WE TOOK) directly to the (YOUR LAST NAME) household at (YOUR ADDRESS), for you to spend in any way you please! Which just goes to show you, (YOUR FIRST NAME), that it pays to file the short form! The IRS wants you to use this form because it gets to keep most of your money. So unless you have pond silt for brains, you want the long form. "," Dave Barry, Sweating Out Taxes ");
possibly(" You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young! Why, what did she tell you? I don't know, I didn't listen! "," Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ");
possibly("You may have heard that a dean is to faculty as a hydrant is to a dog. "," Alfred Kahn ");
possibly("You men out there probably think you already know how to dress for success. You know, for example, that you should not wear leisure suits or white plastic belts and shoes, unless you are going to a costume party disguised as a pig farmer vacationing at Disney World. "," Dave Barry, How to Dress for Real Success ");
possibly("You or I must yield up his life to Ahrimanes. I would rather it were you. I should have no hesitation in sacrificing my own life to spare yours, but we take stock next week, and it would not be fair on the company. "," J. Wellington Wells ");
possibly("You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty. "," Henrick Ibson ");
possibly("You should not use your fireplace, because scientists now believe that, contrary to popular opinion, fireplaces actually remove heat from houses. Really, that's what scientists believe. In fact many scientists actually use their fireplaces to cool their houses in the summer. If you visit a scientist's house on a sultry August day, you'll find a cheerful fire roaring on the hearth and the scientist sitting nearby, remarking on how cool he is and drinking heavily. "," Dave Barry, Postpetroleum Guzzler ");
possibly("You're never too old to become younger. "," Mae West ");
possibly("You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. "," Dean Martin ");
possibly("Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words since I first called my brother's father dad. "," William Shakespeare, King John ");
possibly("Gregor Samsa awoke one morning to find himself transformed into an enormous software defect. "," Unknown ");
possibly("The juvenile sea squirt wanders through the sea searching for a table rock or hunk of coral to cling to and make its home for life. For this task, it has a rudimentary nervous system. When it finds its spot and takes root, it doesn't need its brain anymore so it eats it. "," From Consciousness Explained by Daniel Dennett, pg 177 ");
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